Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 4

Topic: Describe learning something from a friend.


okdeerpass 5 / 12 2  
Jun 15, 2014   #1
Hi everyone,
This is an essay of personal experience. I wrote it for CBEST practice. Please check my usage and word choice and give me feedback. Thanks!

Topic: Describe learning something from a friend.

I have a friend, Belinda, who is a teacher in a high school. We have known each other for over six years, and what I have learned from her are: the passion in education field, the courage of facing frustration, and keep curiosity to the world.

Belinda is passionate for her work. She cares about her students and takes students' affairs to be her first priority. For instance, one day we planned to have a dinner together, and for this dinner, we had scheduled for several weeks since both of us were too busy. But, that day she canceled the date and felt sorry to me. She explained the reason that one of her students had some problems with emotion, so she needed to accompany with him to wait for his parents. Besides this, she usually visits many non-profit organizations to provide her teaching experiences and help them to build schools in poverty areas. Her passion makes me respectful, and I learned from her that being passionate to what you love is more valuable than anything.

Another thing I leaned from Belinda is her courage of facing frustration. Although Belinda has so much love to her profession, she inevitably experiences frustrations. However, she is always capable of overcoming the difficulties, the braveness amazing me a lot. For example, some of her students are famous trouble-makers in the school. Other teachers have warned her about those students' issues at the beginning of the semester. But in Belinda's eyes, the little trouble-makers can be changed, they only need appropriate guidance. So, she tries her best to find various educational approaches to transform her students to behave well. Although the process makes her suffering, her strong courage supports her to face frustrations without fear.

In addition, looking at the bright side is also a significant thing that I learn from Belinda. For instance, she has a child with Downy syndrome. The child definitely needs special care. Her lots of friends, including me, think it must be a burden for her. Instead, she usually smiles to me, sharing her child's improvements in daily life. She never complains, she looks at the bright side to live her life. And her wisdom inspires me to be optimistic when looking at everything.

Consequently, I am fortunate to have such a good friend, who is like a mentor to me and teach me many lessons. I have learned from her that the passion of own work, the capability of facing frustrations, and the wisdom of looking at bright side.

ganggang 5 / 9 2  
Jun 17, 2014   #2
If i were you, i would put In the first place/ first of all/ Furthermore/ Secondly between paragraphs to make a logical structure
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Jun 22, 2014   #3
We have known each other for over six years, and what I have learned from her are: the passion in education field, the courage of facing frustration, and keep curiosity to the world.

I like if you split this sentence into two. Also, the third reason is not very clearly presented;
We have known each other for over six years and she has been an inspirational friend to me from whom I learned some valuable lessons for life. She taught me the importance of being passionate about education, how to face frustration courageously and ??????
OP okdeerpass 5 / 12 2  
Jun 22, 2014   #4
Hi dumi,

Thank you for sharing your comments.
I edit the paragraphs that you wrote and it becomes:
"She taught me the importance of being passionate about education, how to face frustration courageously, and looking on the bright side of life. " Hope it looks better. "


Home / Writing Feedback / Topic: Describe learning something from a friend.