Unanswered [58] | Urgent [1]

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3

IElTS writing topic: should rich countries share their wealth with poor?

behieli 7 / 19 4  
Apr 6, 2016   #1
Should wealthy nations be required to share their wealth among poorer nations by providing such things as food and education? Or is it the responsibility of the governments of poorer nations to look after their citizens themselves?

Rivalry over occupying the best survival opportunities is a practice that has compelled the nations to progress and persevere since the dawn of the civilization. Every government is responsible to manage the best policy to support its nation's progress and function.

However, in this competitive world some nations are deprived of the basic necessities to survive and progress.
Lack of natural resources, occurring a natural disaster or an irresistible political crisis or war can bring a nation's fate to despair and hinders the function of the society.

Developed countries have responsibility to aid other nations in desperate times to go through the crisis for the ethical as well as political reasons.

First of all, humanistic and ethical values shape the strongest bonds among people of the world, which has guide them to survive even over the most disastrous times. Poverty is an international issue that could be tackled only by contribution of every group and individual as well.

Secondly, from political point of view, poverty should be considered as a critical issue, which can lead to more serious local and international problems. Pouring immigrants, terrorism, and corruption are some of the results of poverty, which if not rapidly handled could be contagious over vast areas of the world. For this reason, the international organizations should scan the regions with economic vulnerable economic system to find a constant resolution.

Specific situations require urgent international aids however; the aids usually could lead to interference of the contributor country in the receiver country's politics.
Plus, receiver country may suffer years from the heavy loans it's offered.
The best solution may be sharing the scientific and management experiences. Sometimes the poor country suffers the lack of technology and management skills to protect and manipulate its natural resources and environment and consequently faces more complicated problems. If rich countries support the poor country by sending experts and technology to domesticate the natural resources the problem can be handled.

For the above-mentioned reasons the proper international aid to is not necessarily injecting money to poor countries but supporting them to come over the unpredictable crisis they face and guide them in their path to progress.

The efficient policy prohibits poor nations to loose their independency and control, and helps them to persevere and flourish.
bastian20 10 / 16 2  
Apr 6, 2016   #2
I do apologize that my previous feedback (deleted) was too short due to I experienced an internet connection problem. Here is my full feedback towards your essay:

Obviously, you wrote this task quite well and less grammatical errors. However, you should organize excellently. This is because readers are not able to differ your paragraph. Definitely, one paragraph should consist of minimum three sentences. If you do not do this, I am afraid your overall band score in writing will deducted extensively by the examiner. I hope that my feedback will be valuable for your future enhancement. Good luck.
ANSOR99 10 / 6 3  
Apr 7, 2016   #3
Hi friend...it is nice occation for me to read your essay, i reckon that the way you deliver your ideas in your writing is easy to understand, but if you want to enhance your score, had better you put thesis statement and your strong opinion about the question into the introduction. You know, introduction is very crucial thing to get high score, so you should pay more attention to this part. Here, i give example for introduction:

In this modern era, the development of country in economical field will become the main indicator how the state possibly can serve their citizens properly, although, the condition of society in impoverished nations is underprivileged, the government have to responsible to this case. However, the advanced country can spread their fund to the developing state, i strongly believe that the authority of state have more power to manage all problem inside such as education and food and do not account for other countries to cover it.

- Red mark is thesis statement.
- I hope that, you can learn from my sample above....Break a leg!

Home / Writing Feedback / IElTS writing topic: should rich countries share their wealth with poor?
Writing Help?

Visit CustomPapers.com ◳

Visit GraduateWriter.com ◳
(GW10 - 10% discount!)