IELTS Writing 2 The tourism industry has grown enormously over the last fifty years.

impact of tourism

Topic: The tourism industry has grown enormously over the last fifty years, and there are few places which are unaffected by it. However, tourism rarely benifits the countries which tourists visit.

To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Tourism, as one of the most important industry affecting a state's economy, has profound influence on the local countries. Some people argue the local can hardly get any advantages from it, while I contend tourism has brought many merits to the local country.

The most important reason is that tourism creats employment opportunities to the local where many people could only rely their livings on fishing or mining previously. The rising hotels and restaurants allow local residents to work inside. Meanwhile, the locals can make business on their own.

My second point is tourism serves as a platform of cultural exchange which promotes multiculture locally. By accepting tourists from worldwide, the local culture can be enriched during cultural infusions. Furthermore, tourist can take the local culture to their homecountry, helping expanding culture to different places.

Finally, the promotion of local tourism elevate both the local infrastructures and facilities with the increase of its needs. To some extend, the construction of airport or highways facilitate the local people and makes their life more convenient.

According to the reasons above, I beleive tourism brings the local a more prosper, convenient and multicultural life.

Qianting, the first reason that this essay will receive a failing score is because you did not appropriately paraphrase the opening statement. The second reason for a failing score is caused by your inappropriate discussion of the essay. You failed to follow the discussion instruction and because of that, your essay, no matter how nicely worded and presented, will automatically receive a failing score. Compare the two discussion points:

Original Prompt: To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Your Response: I contend tourism has brought many merits to the local country.

Compare the requirements of the original prompt with your response. I am sure that you can see how your response does not match the prompt requirements right? You are asked to agree or disagree with the given statement and you chose to discuss the merits of tourism to a country. You definitely ran counter to the prompt discussion in that aspect. The correct prompt representation would have been:

The past half century has seen a tourism boom among countries. It appears that no country was spared by the rise of tourism. While this is seen usually as a positive development, others argue that the tourism increase does not always translate into benefits for the host country. I totally disagree with this statement for a number of reasons.

If you had properly represented the prompt, then the rest of your body paragraphs would have been acceptable. Instead, you created a different prompt discussion in your opening paraphrase, which will result in a failing TA score. Once the TA score comes in at a lower than passing or merely passing mark, you will find it difficult to increase the remaining 3 band score considerations.

Your C&C score will also be less than passing because you do not fully develop your paragraph discussions with the required 3-5 sentences. You are presenting discussions composed of run-on sentences, which is why you only have 2 lines per paragraph. This means that you are unable to not only properly discuss your essay, but you also cannot develop complex sentences and fully utilize your English vocabulary. These shortcomings will translate into lower than average GRA and LR score as well.

A person using first person pronouns should also never say, "According to reasons..." because that indicates someone else did the talking instead of the writer. Instead, the proper presentation for the opening sentence should have been "Based on the aforementioned reasons, I believe..." BTW, you misspelled the word "Believe". You are scored on the spelling via the LR section also so be careful and always edit, revise, and review your essay for possible errors before submission. Don't lose points considerations if you can avoid it.

Hi Holt. I can't thank you more for your comments! I could not identity my weakness, so I did not even realize how I got low grades in my test. I will have more practice.

Thanks again for your help!

@Holt

Hi Holt. I rewrite this passage according to your advice. Hope it will not be so poor this time.

The past half century has seen a tourism boom among countries. It appears that no country was not spared by the rise of tourism. While this is seen usually as a positive development, others argue that the tourism increase does not always translate into benefits for the host country. I totally disagree with this statement for a number of reasons.

First of all, tourism functions as a catalyst of the local economy by offering various employment chances. Before many natural places are transformed into tour sites, the local could only make a living on primitive industry, such as fishing or mining due to the tough natural environment. When the local tourism is developed, people can rely on service industry, for instance, hotels and restaurants, which not only augments their income, but also thrives the local economy in general.

Additionally, tourism serves as a platform which allows multi-culture to prosper. With the influx of diversified travelers from worldwide, the local culture will be enriched through exchanging language, customs, and traditions between the local residents and tourists bilaterally. The local culture and ideology can be expanded to the outside world at the same time with the assistance of different visitors since they will also be influenced by the host culture being exposed to a foreign culture.

Furthermore, the local infrastructures, like airports and highways, will be improved with the promotion of tourism because he rising number of tourists increases the needs in public transportation. In this way, the local residents could also enjoy these developed facilities which helps them to communicate with the outside world.

Based on the aforementioned reasons, I believe tourism exerts a profound influence on a local place both economically and culturally.

@Qianting
Your second draft is a massive improvement compared to your first. Grammatical and spelling errors, were drastically reduced. However, in your opening paragraph, I noticed that your copied verbatim what Holt had suggested in previous comment. Please note that, that was just to guide you in case of next time.

Please consider the following corrections which I believe will further improve your writing:

First of all Firstly tourism functions....offering various employment chances opportunities...

....because the rising number ... the needs in for public transportation.

Cheers!

@inok26
Hi inok26, thanks so much for pointing out my mistakes!