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IELTS Task 1; a traveler who visited Brighton attractions - did he get bored there?


wahyu 16 / 28 1  
Apr 6, 2016   #1
A breakdown of the proportions of traveler who visited Brighton attractions which were Art gallery, pavilion, pear and festival in the UK since 1980 to 2010 is depicted in the line graph. Overall it can be seen that percentages of some attractions tend to increase, while the other fall in the end period of survey.

In 1980 the percentage of traveler who visited art pavilion and pier stood at approximately24% and 10% respectively. 1995 saw a steady rose the pear visitor to around 12% when the pavilion visitor tended to climb significantly to approximately 48%. In the following one a half decade, there were a sharp drop to 32% in the number of pavilion visitor and a dramatic growth to 22% the number of pier.

In contrast, the proportion of people who visit art gallery and festival stood at 22% and 30% respectively in 1980. The next a half decade, both of them decreased slightly to approximately 21% and 25% close behind. In the end of period assessment the proportion of festival rose slowly to around 28%, while the number of art gallery visitor was plunged dramatically to under 10%.




bastian20 10 / 16 2  
Apr 7, 2016   #2
Hello Wahyu, You wrote this task 1 quite good. I personally reckon that you have included essential part of the figure where it is extremely crucial that you can attain high score for task respond. On the other hand, you should increase other assessment such as lexical resources, reducing grammatical error, range and accuracy and coherence and cohesion.

for lexical resources, you should avoid repetitive word such as respectively and stood at. You can alter 'respectively' by successively and 'stood at' by began.

pier stood at approximately24% and 10% respectively

festival stood at 22% and 30% respectively in 1980

for grammatical error

proportions of traveler

without 's' proportion

for coherence and cohesion, you should add 'then, afterward, etc'


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