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Traveling in their own country Vs traveling in foreign countries; TOEFL


g2080800 3 / 6  
Jan 5, 2013   #1
Hello, I am going to take TOEFL test next week and I have practiced to write the independent essay. Please find me to check if there's anything I can do to improve my writing. Any comments are appreciated. Thank you.

Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

People benefit more from traveling in their own country than from traveling to foreign countries.

Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

With the advent of convenience transportation, people can move from one place to the other easily. Therefore, there are different types of traveling plans such as domestic traveling or go aboard traveling. It indeed provided a variety of choices for people to choose before making the final decision. In my opinion, I would think of traveling overseas that can be obtained more opportunities as the following reasons.

To begin with, some people will assume domestic traveling can learn the geographic from your own country and know more history from it. However, these people neglect the fact that traveling overseas can gain different backgrounds knowledge because you can use the information you have and then apply it to the practical situation. Besides, a variety of scopes can only be experienced rather than learning from books. Once you go there and enjoy the overseas travel, you will have the deep impression of that place.

Additionally, some people argue that language using could be no problem at all because you take the domestic travel. Nevertheless, they disregard the fact that even you have no talent in learning second language, you can still communicate with the local people via sign language or the electronic machine and so on. There are several ways to solve the barrier of communication in different countries.

Finally, traveling in their own country can be more convenient than the foreign countries. However, they neglect the convenience makes no difference because you can search for the public transportation in advance before going to other countries and they might offer you discounts if you book in advance. This method could make you enjoy the foreign travel.

In conclusion, traveling in the foreign countries could be benefit in various ways like learning different geographic, use different ways to communicate with foreigner and the transportation provide the joyful trip. It indeed helps you reach the maximal entertainment of traveling overseas.
HelenFox 1 / 2 1  
Jan 5, 2013   #2
Hi! Your essay is good structured and written.
I've passed TOEFL and got 27 for the writing section, but at the test I thought my essays are worse.

But I don't understand the direct connection between 'the geographic from your own country and know more history from it' and the second part of the paragraph. Maybe you should make it more clear to understand, that you are talking about a great variety of interesting geografical and historical places, as I understood it.

Generally, I think, it can get a high mark.
Shirley0426007 6 / 13  
Jan 5, 2013   #3
I think your topic sentence should modified.

Finally, traveling in their own country can be more convenient than the foreign countries(This point is on the opposite side to say the topic, you should use your topic sentence support your main idea.)

Just some tips.
dumi 1 / 6,927 1592  
Jan 6, 2013   #4
convenience transportation

convenient transportation

Therefore, there are different types of traveling plans such as domestic traveling or go aboard traveling.

Therefore there are more travel options available for people today such as domestic traveling and foreign traveling.

In my opinion, I would think of traveling overseas that can be obtained more opportunities as the following reasons.

In my opinion, I think travelling overseas is a better option than inbound travelling because of many opportunities one would gain from foreign travelling.
OP g2080800 3 / 6  
Jan 6, 2013   #5
Thank Helenfox,Shirley0426007, Dumi for your advice I will improve the way that you provided to me. Thanks again.


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