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Unequality in this world; Ielts topic: The gap between the rich and the poor. Problems and solutions


jenniferngo 1 / 1  
May 20, 2018   #1
I know that my essay is still really simple with the mistakes so I'm really thankful if you feed back me the suggestions.

the disturbing discrepancy



Over the centuries, the world seems to be getting more unequal, not because of the authority's discipline imposing on human rights or others exaggerated roots, but the distance between the weath and the poor is being extended. Although lots of people nurture the belief that the consequences caused by this phenomenon could not be solved, there are various ways to restrict the gap' size as the solutions.

First, the immense downsides of this problems should be exposured for the sake of considering the solutions to deal with. Fundamentally, it affects widely on the community, when people from different classes are not treated in the same way. If this phenomenon continues prolonging, the poor might form the unconfidence, the inferiority and, furthermore, the invisible barrier in integrating into society. In another aspect, this gap is threatening the development of one country's commerce and economy. For instance, people living in higher standard obviously demand the premium items with their purchasing power parity, however, the poor even deprive of abilities to afford the essential products for surviving, so it leads to the difficulties in producing the common items that available for the whole sciety.

Therefore, it is crucial that people, especially the government should supply the solutions to diminish the distance, in order to cut down the problems it triggered. Yet opinion polls suggest that the social activities could maintain the connection among people and change their perception also. As a result, the poor with the more optimistic mind could integrate more easily and the rich would have the willing to be more sympathetic with others. On the other hand, the effort in producing the stuffs with high quality but reasonable cost is plausible to be considered by the government.

In conclusion, it is true that the gap between the rich and the poor is extremely disturbing due to its myriad consequences, However, there are still couple of justifiable solutions that need the co-operation between the whole society and the authority to be implemented.

TJLuschen - / 241 203  
May 23, 2018   #2
Hi, it is important that you include the complete prompt along with your essay. That is the only way we can determine if you have properly addresed the topic. I found this prompt online that I am pretty sure appllies to your essay:

The gap between the rich and the poor is becoming wider; the rich are becoming richer, and the poor are getting even poorer. What problems can the situation cause? What can be done to reduce this gap?

I think you have addressed this prompt pretty accurately, but your essay is not very clearly written and there are a lot of confusing sentences. Your solutions paragraph is especially unclear. I get that the government should produce cheap, high quality goods, but how would that be done? Wouldn't companies already be trying to do that? And your part about poor people trying to be optimistic just doesn't make sense to me. Here are some specific comments and suggestions:

THE DISTURBING DISCREPANCY {I don't think titles are necessary or wanted for an IELTS essay}

imposing on human rights or ... {"others exaggerated roots" does not make sense here }

between the wealthy and the poor ... Although lots of people {I would avoid "lots of", there are many more options that sound more polished}

consequences caused ... can not be solved, ... restrict the gap' size as the solutions. {the end of your sentence does not make sense - as the solutions what?}

downsides of this problem should be exposed for the sake of ... to deal with it.

Fundamentally, it affects widely on ... {"affects on" is incorrect}

phenomenon continues prolonging, the poor might lose their confidence, the inferiority ... into society. {the last part of this sentence just doesn't make much sense}

the development of various countries' commerce and economy.

For instance, people living at a higher standard

with their purchasing power parity,{this phrase is unclear to me}

however, the poor are even deprived of the ability to afford the essential products for survival, so it leads ... for the whole society. {It is unclear why the poor would make it difficult to produce common items}

solutions to diminish the distance between economic classes, in order ... it has triggered.

... suggest that the social activities {what social activities? this is unclear to me} could maintain ...

effort in producing the stuffs {"stuffs" or "stuff" sounds odd, I would avoid it}

there are still a couple of ... and the authorities to be implemented.


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