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IELTS-TASK2: Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject.


caohuyen93 4 / 8 1  
Dec 28, 2023   #1
Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extent do you agree or disagree?. Please assist me in correcting this IELTS essay, thanks a bunch.

It is sometimes argued that every subject at universities should reach an equal number of students from two different genders. I totally disagree with this view for a number of reasons.

Firstly, it would be unrealistic to apply this scheme. Each major has its own characteristics and attributes that might be more suitable for a particular gender than the other, and help them get a thorough preparation for future careers. Occupations such as country soldiers or firefighters are usually preferred to males as their physical capacity is superior to females. It can therefore be argued that it would be illogical to fix the number of boys and girls in every university subject.

Moreover, This new policy might also hinder problems for students and the universities themselves. Learners may struggle to register for their desirable classes because of their sexes. When a subject is fully-enrolled by a fixed number of men, which means other males cannot apply anymore even if this subject might lack its female students to process. Apart from controlling class availability, this scheme might also result in financial challenges for school management. Having to open more classes to accommodate students' needs, schools might need to pay for a larger amount of money for lecturers as well as teaching equipment. It can thereby negatively affect the process of learning and teaching in universities.

In conclusion, I strongly believe that having to balance the number of men and women in every subject is unreasonable and it can create numerous problems for both educational institutions and learners. (256)
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,919 4799  
Jan 6, 2024   #2
sometimes argued

So not make controversial claims in the restatement. It alters the original topic presentation and therefore, changes the actual topic presentation from the original. In this case, it went from a statement of fact to a debate. That means you will lose points for the slight topic discussion focus change. Good job on your opinion presentation. It aligns itself with the writing guide question.

The first paragraph is not a very good argument since the roles of soldiers and firefighters now welcome women into the ranks. You cannot use this as a reason since it is not supported by the common knowledge anymore. It is already acceptable to see women in these fields. The second paragraph can do better in terms of defending the male presence in classes. The reasons presented are not well developed and prevent the full idea development in the presentation.
OP caohuyen93 4 / 8 1  
Jan 18, 2024   #3
@Holt
Thank you for your help, Im truly appreciative and I will find ways to fix it. Just one thing I'd like to suggest that it's hard for me to give feedback on others' writing. As required, I need to give 2 before being able to post my writing, but it's not easy to find an essay to give feedback to when some have been posted a long time, and the others are locked. Can you give me some suggestions that I can give more feedback and then post my own? Thank you


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