Universities and high schools should teach students specific careers

Hi~ this is TOEFL essay. please fix it ^^ thank you .

-TOPIC
universities and high schools should teach students about specific careers and fields
instead of general subjects.

Some people think that universities and high schools should teach students about general subjects instead of specific careers and fields. However, I disagree with this statements, because students can be well adjusted in their field for their future, and by studying about specific careers, universities and high schools can raise the attendance rate of in school.

To begin with, offering class of specific careers, will give knowledge to students who interested their special career, and it will be helpful when they find job after graduate. Student can preparing their future early that other student, it can be lead to success more fast in their field. According to a recent report, university that focus on special career was shown high rate of employment than other universities. This result clearly shown positive effect on teaching specific career.

Second, teaching students about specific career can grow students's attendance rate. Because students would be not become boring when they take a class than when they study general subject. For example, in my case, I was student in art high school, my major was painting, so I could draw almost time what I liked. It was helpful for my attitude while I take a class and attendance rate. And I could concentrate on my work. So finally I received a reward for perfect attendance when I graduated.

To sum up, teaching student about special careers will give many chance and knowledge and it can be raise students's attendance. For these reason, I strongly believe that universities and high schools should teach students about specific careers and fields instead of general subjects.

You have understood the topic of the essay correctly. Here are a few suggestions that may improve it furher...

However, I disagree with this statements , because students can be well adjustedprepared forin their field for their future in their desired field, and by studying aboutoffering coursed on specific careers, universities and high schools can raise their attendance rate of in school .

Give examples for your reasoning
hope my suggestions help :)

Dear Pahan/ Jinq1212,
I believe that the essay should be constructed in such away: Introduction - Essay body part one (For) - Essay body part 2 (Against) - Conclusion.

So, by display one side of opinion would cost you marks. Therefore, it is better and remarkable to go ahead with the option that I shown.

Hope my comment is correct and helpful.

Regards.
Oceanscape78

Dear JinQ,


It might be better if you modify the wordings.

It is very grad that you use examples and qoutes in your paragraph 2 and 3, make it more convencing.

Regards,

Peter