Hello everyone! This is my first time to post my essay in this forum. I hope that I can get some help with the IELTS writing. I will appreciate is you can give me some detailed feedback and scores for 4 different parts! Thank you very much:)
Some universities now offer their courses on the internet so that people can study online. Is that a positive or negative development?
online university courses
It is true that online courses have become a common feature of university education. Although there are some drawbacks of Internet-based learning, I would argue there are far more benefits.
The main drawback of e-learning in universities is that there is less direct communication. Students enrolled in online courses may not have the opportunity to engage face-to-face with their lecturers and tutors, which makes it more difficult to study. Similarly, students who study online will have less chances to interact directly with their classmates, leading to a negative impact on peer-assisted learning. For instance, whereas students in traditional classes are able to attend seminars or have group meetings, online learners are restricted to chatting through website forum areas, which may affect their motivation in learning.
Despite the drawbacks mentioned above, I believe that the development of online study is a positive trend for several reasons. Firstly, Internet-based learning allows people to study in a more flexible way, meaning that they can work whenever and wherever is suitable for them. Secondly, the cost of education can be largely reduced through learning online courses, since virtual classrooms require less equipment than traditional classrooms. Thirdly and lastly, e-learning provides all people access to learn knowledge as long as they have such willingness, regardless of age, country, language and cultural background. For example, my uncle has enrolled in an online IT course is a university in West Australia, which would have been impossible in the days before online study.
In conclusion, while I recognise the possible disadvantages of online university courses, I consider it to be a positive development overall.
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Yujia, your essay response is inappropriate based upon the original prompt. The discussion is clearly requesting you to create a single opinion response by giving you a choice of answers (positive OR negative). Therefore, you should have clearly depicted a clear opinion leaning towards one consideration alone. The prompt never made any room for a comparison essay so you should not have presented that as a response. Aside from that, the essay is only 4 paragraphs long when the Task 2 essay should always be a 5 paragraph response. Additionally, you must never have paragraphs numbering less than 3 -5 sentences long. These are the main reasons that your overall score will be lowered in the final consideration. Let me break this down for you now.
TA - 4 - your response diverged from the original prompt requirements. The response you delivered was not the required response and as such, could not be given a passing score. The paraphrase is one of the most important elements of the Task 2 essay and when you fail to gain a high score in this section, all the other scores will tend to suffer. There is an imperative need for you to properly assess and respond to the given task. The proper paraphrase response to this should have been similar to:
Educational institutions these days have the ability to offer online classes for the benefit of their students. This academic advancement has been met by students as either a good or bad occurrence in the academic field. In this essay, I will be discussing the reasons as to why I believe that this is a positive development in the pursuit of academic learning.
The opening statement is your opportunity to fully impress upon the examiner your ability to not only understand the English language, but also showcase your English vocabulary by writing a paragraph worded so differently from the original, and yet still maintaining the original topic for discussion. That is what I have shown you in the example above.
C&C - 4 - Don't try to discuss more than one topic per paragraph so that you can fully develop your explanations. You have 3 bodies of paragraph with which to discuss 3 supporting reasons in a clear, coherent, and cohesive manner. There is no need to try and cram all of the information into one paragraph. Take your time, do it one at a time since you have the opportunity to do so. Fully utilize the 3 paragraphs in defense of your position. So the format should be:
Topic sentence + Reason 1 + Reason 2 (optional) + Example
-All the reasoning sentences must be in support of the topic sentence. A full 5 sentences will gain you the highest score possible. After the topic sentence, the remaining 3 sentences should discuss the topic and offer a clear example in support of your reasoning at the end. Do this for every reason that you wish to discuss. Use up to 3 topic sentences in a single, dedicated paragraph each.
LR - 6 - You have shown an ability to use intermediately advanced English words in your essay in a proper manner. That means your sentences are better written due to your ability to use the words you have chosen in the proper context.
GRA - 6 - Your grammar is understandable and the mistakes in sentence formation do not impede the understanding of your written work. Your essay has just the appropriate mix of simple and complex sentences.
Now, I scored your essay individually, that means per criteria, regardless of the mistake in the TA section. In the actual test though, the examiner will take note of the mistake and will have to decide on the rest of your scores using more intricate details and considerations. The essay might pass, or it might fail, depending upon the other criteria that will be considered in the end.