University graduates as problem solvers, IELTS Task 2

Q: Some people believe that the aim of university education is to help graduates find better jobs while some others hold that there are wider benefits for the individual and the society. Discuss both viewpoints and give your opinion.

Education is one of the ways to reach success. Recently, numerous students have graduated from colleges and most of them try to obtain the prosperous job as the first expectation on their background, whilst the others consider that graduates will guarantee better life for wider societies. I personally believe that the university graduates many intellectuals who will get well-fixed job to provide the benefits for their communities.

Commonly, one of the university functions is a production of graduates who have certain abilities. It is because they are educated in many subjects by theory and practice about these. To illustrate this, the alumnus of State Islamic University of Jakarta in sociology subject can work as sociology teacher in Senior high school or as society's researcher after they have studied in that discipline for four years. Finally, it proves that the specific skills which are gained from university can increase the possibility to get better job.

However, the college can also result problem solvers in society's lives because the alumnus have been put to the test as a scholars which have knowledge in certain subject. For instance, doctor, who has graduated medical education, can solve the public-health problems. It proves that the university prepares the convergent thinker which is useful for the citizens.

To sum up, it is evident that higher education receives an academic degree for community who tackle the trouble in societies and has better job. In this case, the government should improve the quality of college in order that the graduates are more compatible.

Dear, anita11,

in the second body paragraph, I think it needs more explanation to support its topic sentence before going to example...
and because the question is asking your opinion, it is better you add your concession or statement to every body paragraph or in thhe conclusion..

Thanks