Some people think that all university students should study whatever they like. Other believe that they should only be allowed to study subjects that will be useful in the future, such as those related to science and technology. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Forcing to study some subjects
Some persist that the freedom for university students to select courses on their own, while others regard useful subjects such as science and technology significantly. Personally, having the freedom to choose what to study and learning useful knowledge from required subjects both seem reasonable to me.
First of all, those who hold the second statement have their sound reasons. A key point lies in the fact that allowing applied subjects can offer necessary human capital for economic growth. Economic and social development, especially in those underdeveloped countries has a huge demand for talents in science and technology. Therefore, university authorities should devote limited financial resources to those required useful subjects as a priority.
On the other hand, people who insist on the first statement also have a strong voice. It can be observed easily that the freedom to choose or interest-oriented study can motivate students' potentials to a fuller extent. Students' interest in a particular field undoubtedly leads to their passion to explore and investigate, which may bring about in this area. Secondly, such freedom is more beneficial to students' all-round development. For instance, art courses cultivate student's taste, math enhances logical thinking and analytical ability, accounting molds patience and carefulness. Some may argue that these benefits are irrelevant to practical skills that the useful or required subjects can bring to students. However, no doubt that practical skills without logic, analytical skills and carefulness may do harm to students' future career.
The discussion cited above demonstrates two viewpoints regarding study orientation o university students. The former focus on the significance of the applied subjects which may provide economic growth and social development. While the latter concerns about the importance of freedom to choose courses which leads to multiple improvements. Thus it is safe to conclude that both statements are both convincing.
You can not use "on the other hand" when you did not use "on the one hand".
You should explain more about your opinion at least in one paragraph and I think you shouldn't duplicate the subject of the question in first line of last paragraph.
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Ronia, this is a discussion of 2 public points of view along with your personal point of view. You decided to discuss this essay from a singular point of view alone. Therefore, you created a prompt deviation and as such, will receive a low score for it. When you write a Task 2 essay, you must always follow the discussion instruction provided to you in the original prompt. So that means, if it says; "Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.", you write a 5 paragraph essay covering that discussion. The 3 reasoning paragraphs cover the 2 opposing public points of view and then, the 3rd paragraph discusses your personal opinion based on the evidence presented in the 2 point of view discussion. That is why this essay has performed a prompt deviation that will prevent it from getting a passing score.
Your essay is not truly closed because you created a personal discussion in the last paragraph of your presentation. The closing paragraph should summarize the information provided as a recap or reminder for the reader. It is not supposed to contain new information for the discussion as that constitutes an open ended essay rather than a closed essay.
BTW, please remember the cornerstone rule for writing any of the IELTS essays. The rule of thumb, this is unchangeable and directly affects your scoring potential, is that you should not write less than 3 sentences, no more than 5 sentences, and you should focus on only one topic per paragraph to help increase the scoring possibility of your essay. Clarity in discussion can only be achieved when you develop only one discussion topic per paragraph. It helps to keep the discussion free of clutter and allows it to pay proper attention to the paragraph discussion topic. This in turn helps to increase your overall scoring possibility.