IELTS TASK 1: Unpaid work "women and men"

The chart below shows the average hours of unpaid work per week done by people in different categories.

In general, it can be seen observation from average hours of unpaid work per week done by married women and married men without children, with 1-2 and 3 children.

In household which there is married women without children to work during 30 hours and for married men to work during 18 hours. They just have fewer hours for working because they have not responsibility as big as.

However, after married women have children consist of 1 and 2 children. They have time for working during 50 hours and married men have time for working during 17 hours. Furthermore, after married women have children consist of 3 children. They have time for working during 55 hours and married men have time for working during 15 hours.

In short, the data gives information married women have many children which they have time for working increasing sharply. However, married men have a little time for working per week which the data decrease slightly.

• 
  unpaid_work.jpg
  

when you put relative pronouns 'which' there should be 2 verbs,

... "can be seen" and "observation" both mean the same and hence one makes the other redundant.

Also, you need to pay lots of attention to grammar and clarity of your sentences... your ideas are not delivered clearly to the reader;


This should be a statement that gives an overview of what the image presents. So, tell your reader the most obvious observations;
Overall, married women have recorded more unpaid working hours than married men. Among the married women, the ones with children had worked more number of unpaid hours than those did not have children.

Personally, I think it's a good idea to describe the main features of the graph or chart near the beginning of your essay.

where is the paraphrase??