Essay about unsatisfactory habits (TOEFL)

Agree Disagree TOEFL writing

Question: Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? People are never satisfied with what they have; they always want something more or something different. Use specific reasons to support your answer.

Ever since of discovering own property people are tend to be more individual. At the beginning they had a land, then they built a house there, after they started to fill the house with different things. In my opinion, the process of evolution is one of the reasons why people are unsatisfied with current things.

Most of the inventions are not appeared from nowhere. By looking to the nature, people learned to facilitate their life. For instance, it was difficult to cross long distances by walk, so they wanted to fly as birds. In consequence, people have created planes and helicopters.

Ai, the essay that you wrote does not conform to the requirements of a TOEFL test. You must present a 3-5 paragraph essay, composed of 3-5 sentences per paragraph, in the following format:

1. Opening paraphrase with opinion indicated in the thesis statement.
2. Reason 1
3. Reason 2
4. Reason 3 (optional)
5. Concluding paragraph

Your paragraph presentations do not fall under the required criteria. Do you notice how the instructions ask you to agree or disagree with the statement but you never, not once, indicated an opinion in the first paragraph? More noticeably, you did not even properly paraphrase the original prompt for this essay. The first paragraph mistake in presentation alone will result in an automatic failure of the essay. The extremely short sentences, which do not comprise fully developed thought processes in the form of paragraphs will also create a scoring problem for your essay. In fact, your overall approach and discussion does not come anywhere near the required presentation. There is no way that this essay will get a passing score in an actual setting due to your inability to follow the given instructions.

@Holt
Thank you for your reply! I appreciate your advices. This is my first time writing an essay. I will do my best next time :)