Urban areas have more crimes. Direct question essay.

Crime rate, in most countries, is often higher in urban areas than in rural areas.
Why do you think that is? What can be done to solve the crime rate?

Cities are more dangerous

Crime issues have been in the society since human existence. Additionally, the numbers of people committed crimes in the cities are significant than in the countryside. I believe that is because of the percentage of the population distributed inadequately between these areas. Further, surveillance should be fully employed regarding this matter.

The populations in many cities are far too higher than in the countryside. Indeed, city capitals tend to attract diverse people to come and settle for various purposes. Some people might experience difficulties while they live abroad such as financial problems. These hurdles force them to perpetrate crimes in order to maintain their livelihood in another country. Whereas in the countryside, the weaker economy in contrast to the city capitals have had people reconsider the settlement. Thus, less dense areas with a lower population in countryside resulting fewer crimes.

In order to put an end to crimes, the government should take the initiative by installing surveillance across the cities. When every corner of the streets is being monitored by the police, perpetrators would afraid to commit any crimes. Even if they determined to do so, the national forces would arrest them eventually. This systematic design would operate twenty-four hours regardless of its days and nights. Hence, this method acts as an effective solution as well as a strong deterrent to its criminals.

To recapitulate, highly populated areas as if city capitals have surely favored the opportunities for crimes to raise. In which some people faced many immediate issues with no solutions but to be perverted themselves in offending. Therefore, a closed and advanced surveilling system should be in place for citizens safety.

Words: 274

I adjusted my methods of practicing according to your advice last time. It would be a great help if you can score my essay and advise me on improvements. Thank you!

Additionally(this conjunction is not proper in this situation) the numbers of...
the number(singular) of people ... cities is significant(more) than ...
... distributed unequally(wrong word) between these areas.

The population(again, singular)in many cities are far larger than ...
... and settle for various purposes(You mentioned various purposes here, but in your following argument, you only discussed financial problems).(it is not relevant to talk about city capitals, it is about urban city and rural areas)

In order to put an end to crimes(is this really possible? Consider"For decreasing the crime rate as much as possible")
perpetrators wouldbe afraid to ...

Even if they determined(why do you use past tense) to do so

... twenty-four hours regardless of its days and nights.(this means the same as 24 hours)

In which(this cannot lead a new sentence, in most cases, in which follows with noun+comma) some people ...

SG, this is an improvement over the last direct question practice test but you still have problems when it comes to prompt paraphrasing, sentence development, and paragraph presentations. There is a tendency for you to still present half developed sentences and improperly structured sentences. Let's get started in addressing these problems.

I always tell the students, when you paraphrase, you have to present only information contained in the original prompt. This is so that you can prove that you fully understood the prompt and have the ability to represent the original discussion in your own manner and wording. That does not include introducing information that is not included as a factual presentation in the original. Therefore, opening the essay by saying "Crime issues have been in society..." is improper and should not have been presented. A more appropriate representation would have been:

The percentage of lawlessness across the globe proves to be greater in metropolitan places rather than in the provincial locations. Some people think that this is because of the higher population in the first area when compared to the second. As such, there may not be enough police around to enforce the law in the urbanized areas. Therefore, additional foot patrols or perhaps, the addition of closed circuit cameras in strategic places can help to prevent illegal activities.

You don't just present a prompt restatement, you have to expand upon its presentation in an informative manner when creating the opening paragraph in a direct question essay. Once you become comfortable using synonyms in a proper manner, you should be able to create more informative paragraphs using impressive lexical resources.

Try to avoid using word fillers such as additionally, whereas, further, thus, and other similar words. While these are useful in adding to your word count, it does nothing to help enhance your presentation in the paragraph. Be factual and direct to the point. That way you show confidence in your written work. The word fillers are usually used as place holders while you decide upon what you really want to say. That is more acceptable in a casual essay rather than an academic one.

Make sure that your sentences always have a clear subject represented. In the following sentence, the lack of a subject creates an unclear presentation:

Even if they determined to do so, the national forces would arrest them eventually.

Who is determined?

The word "thus" is a connecting word and as such, cannot be used to start a sentence. the proper structure for the sentence in question is:

... reconsider the settlement, thus, less dense areas with a lower population in countryside resulting fewer crimes.

You are getting better at your logic and reasoning but the presentation is still flawed. More sentence structure practice tests are still in order for you. Don't worry though, you are continuously showing improvement in your work. You will be ready for the actual test soon enough.

@Boyu, thanks for the grammar corrections and the offering of an accurate way to construct sentences.

@Holt, your feedbacks are helping me to see what have I done wrong in my writings, which is what I truly need. I promise I will present a better essay next time. Have a nice day!

@Jimmy879873
I like the way how you organized your essay. Also, I liked the topic sentences.

I am not sure if you can give some personal example will hep or not, instead of talking in a general way. It is different form exam to other.

But as a total, it your essay is solid.

@Jimmy879873

dear,
I m going to clear your concept about linking words like additionally, furthermore, etc

listen dear,
such linking words mainly one idea to another idea. in this case we should use this in connecting paragraph while we r writing IELTS TASK2.

if we use this in connecting sentences then we can not a develop a paragraph based on one single topic.

hopefully it help u

keep writing :)

The number of people who commit crimes in the cities are significantly larger than in the country side.

"Further, surveillance ..." Furthermore,*

Even if they were determined to do so.

"his systematic design would operate ..." This statement doesn't make sense because 24 hours is day and night together

"In which some people faced ...[b]" I didn't really understand this statement.