IELTS WRITING TASK 2 - views on school and parents about teaching children to become a good citizen

Q. Some people thinks that parents should teach children how to be a good member of society. Others, however, believe that school is the place to learn this.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinions.

Whilst many argue that educational institutions should be the place where students learn how to be better citizen of the society, I believe parents should be the one who educate their offsprings about this topic.

Many people believe that formal education is much better option for their children to inherit the knowledge required to become a good citizen of the society. It provides an environment for an individual to learn about the skills and knowledge required to perfectly blend with their community. At school, children will experience working and living with people form whole variety of background, and this experience will teach them how to co-operate with people. For example, in Nepal, numerous community work is conducted for students to understand how a systematic community works.

However, I think there are a lot of fundamental things like respecting other people, obeying the rules, and understanding the values of society, which can only be taught at home. Since, different community and society have different culture, it is widely thought to be the responsibility of the parents to educate their next generation about the cultural values, norms, and practices of their particular society. Home is certainly the first place from where a child can learn what is important in life, and how they are expected to behave. For an instance, in Nepal, every community have their own culture, so children are taught to behave according to their cultural values; In Magar community, drinking alcohol is allowed even to children but, in Brahmin culture, drinking alcohol is prohibited to any age group.

In conclusion, even though, educational institution provides an environment for learners to enhance their intellect and share the experience with peers from different background. I strongly believe guardians are responsible for educating their children about the behaviors, rules, and cultural values of their community.

Please review this essay and provide some feedback. Also please give an approximate band score for this essay. Thank You

The introduction / prompt restatement is missing one sentence. While you accurately restated the topic, and you gave your personal opinion, you forgot to briefly state the 2 reasons that are the basis of your personal opinion. So your task is accurate, but not accurate enough. You will receive preliminary scoring deductions for the incomplete format presentation.

The overall discussion lacks a connection between topics. That is because your discussion focuses on 2 different aspects rather than the expected discussion of both views for one public opinion. The format should be:

1. Public opinion.
2. Why this opinion is supported by the public.
3. Opposing personal opinion
4. Your personal point of view
5. Give an example (optional)

This is the format that should represent the 2 opinions that should have been provided in the summary introduction. Without this format, your discussion will be deemed lacking in coherence and cohesiveness, further adding to the deductions of your score.

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