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Visitors numbers to Ashdown Museum before and after its renovation


TriceLiu 11 / 25 18  
Dec 11, 2019   #1
Hi! This piece of writing is for IELTS Writing Task 1. Comments/criticism/suggestions please!

Summarise the information from the provided table



Prompt: The table below shows the numbers of visitors to Ashdown Museum during the year before and the year after it was refurbished. The charts show the result of surveys asking visitors how satisfied they were with their visit, during the same two periods.

Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

Essay: The table gives information about the amounts of visitors received by Ashdown Museum during the years before and after its renovation. The chart indicates visitors' degrees of satisfaction during the two periods.

Overall, after refurbishment, the museum received more visitors and provided better visit experience. The museum saw a significant reduction in the share of visitors who reported "dissatisfaction".

Visitor numbers rose from 74,000 to 92,000 after renovation, a significant increase by almost a quarter. Another remarkable gain that can be observed is the percentage of visitors who felt "satisfied" or "very satisfied". This proportion has been less than half before refurbishment, but soared to 75% during the year after refurbishment, with 40% being "satisfied" and 35% feeling "very satisfied".

Negative feedbacks, on the other hand, shrank after renovation. 40% of the visitors had rated their experience as dissatisfactory and another 10% had felt worse during the year before the museum was renovated. After the renovation, dissatisfaction levels slumped to 15% while the percentage of visitors feeling very dissatisfied dropped to 5%.




Maria - / 1,099 389  
Dec 12, 2019   #2
@TriceLiu
Hi again! Here's my feedback on your writing.

Be extra mindful of the prepositions you are using throughout as using the wrong ones can negatively impact your writing. You can have absolutely substantiated content - however, if you are unable to properly relay all of this data in the grammatically right manner, it can all be useless. Take, for instance, the first paragraph. What you should have used is on and not about.

Articles also go a long when you're properly incorporating them to your writing. For example, in the second paragraph, you needed to say that they provide a better visit experience since you were trying to relay it for each individual person who approaches/enters the museum.

Quotation mark should be placed after the period if you intend to use it on the very end of a sentence. This is the more formal approach to writing, especially if you review regulations and rules on APA writing - which is often considered as the standard for a lot of write-ups.
Hanip Abdul 2 / 2  
Dec 13, 2019   #3
Hey guys,
I'll try to give you some feedback related to your writing.

Your introduction covers all the elements related to those cited in the questions, so I would say that it is good intro.
Well, When it comes to your overview, I'd probably say it is quite good as well.
i can really easy read your essay without any map. se let me give you score based on the band descriptors.

Note :

... slumped to 15%, while ... (you need to put comma before while)

Task Achievement : 7
Coheren and Cohesion : 7
Lexical Recource : 7
Grammatical range and accuracy: 7


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