The water consumption rates divided into industrial use, agricultural use and domestic use

IELTS writing task 1- Cam 11 - Test 1

Question:
The charts below show the percentage of water used for different purposes in six areas of the world.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features and make comparisons where relevant.
Write at least 150 words.

The pie charts describe the water consumption rates in six regions of the world, divided into three categories namely industrial use, agricultural use and domestic use. Overall, patterns of water consumption in North America and Europe share a similar affinity while those of water consumption in the four other regions varied.

In North America and Europe, the water used for industry kept the highest figures accounting for half of the total use of water (48% and 53% respectively), followed by the proportions of water used in agriculture making up roughly one-third of the total water consumption (39% and 32% respectively). By contrast, the proportions of water used for agriculture held the lowest rates of the total (13% and 15% respectively).

With regard to the other four regions, it is noticeable that the largest portions of water use were for agriculture, dominating the total water consumption (71%, 81%, 84% and 88% of agricultural use of water for South America, Southeast Asia, Africa and Central Asia respectively). However, no more than 12% of water used for industrial purposes in these four regions and only South America had the percentage of household water consumption of more than 10%. And, the remainder three regions had the domestic use rates of well under 10% which was in stark contrast with those of North America and Europe.

Crystal, due to the lack of image, I cannot review your essay for relevance to the image. I can only do a simple grammar check for this essay, point out the problem points, and offer you corrections regarding that. Please make sure to upload the image next time you decide to ask for a review of your work at this forum. The image is a requirement and is not optional if you want a complete review for your work.

An Oxford comma is required when you enumerate a series of inter-related words. The Oxford comma is a comma used before the word "and" that indicates the last word in the list. it helps to organize the sentence presentation and clarifies the end point of the discussion. By the way, you cannot say "remainder" because that word is a mathematical term that means "remaining". The proper word format is "the remaining regions" since you are not referring to a mathematical equation.

Please remember that the word "and" is used after a verb or used to introduce a verb in an existing sentence. It is used as a connector. Since there is nothing to be connected at the start of a sentence, it is not proper to use the word to start a sentence. In addition to that, there are no optional information included in the image, so you must never enclose information in a parenthesis. That indicates that the information is not important or optional. It should always be presented as a major part of the paragraph presentation as information of note from the image.

I will end my review at this point. I cannot go further because I cannot review your content and prompt accuracy without the image. That is why the image is always required for Task 1 reviews at this forum.

Thank you very much for your feedback. I'm sorry I don't know how to post image because it is in the book. Thanks alot for your reply.