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Well-known people who do not go away from the converses of people should be always very affluent


very_soon 1 / -  
Aug 11, 2014   #1
TOPIC:

Successful sports professionals can earn a great deal more money than people in other important professions.
Some people think this is fully justified while others think it is unfair.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.

ANSWER:
Nowadays, salaries of some professional athletes fully outweigh incomes of other people who have jobs which are more important and require much more responsibility. There is an opinion that it is very unfair and this type of injustice must be fixed. However, others believe that sportsmen really should take huge amount of money due to their significance in the public.

One considerable argument in support of athletes is that they are much more popular than some other workers. They can be found in any types of magazines, newspapers and TV. Whole world discuss them and people have their own favorite sportsmen. Moreover, they can even become children's heroes. They are really good role models for them because sport is really helpful for our health and it can lead people to have fit and beautiful bodies. Also, athletes teach us very significant factors of success such as hard working, teamwork, discipline and setting goals. Consequently, nowadays a lot of sportsmen have a valuable profit

.
On the other hand, there are a few types of professions which are more needed in our world such as doctors and teachers. Doctors can save people's lives which is actually a great deal more significant than to do sport. As well as the doctors teachers play tremendous roles in the life. They can give children from kids to teenagers more knowledge than any sportsman ever did. Hence, general public tend to be at a loss why sportsmen get more cash than others do.

Overall, I think that despite of the fact that there are some more substantial jobs in the world it is justified that sports professionals earn more money due to their popularity. In my opinion, well-known people who do not go away from the converses of people should be always very affluent.

SHanafi 120 / 415 93  
Aug 21, 2014   #2
To me, this essay already engaged to the prompt. However, let me give you minor advices.

As well as the doctors, teachers play tremendous roles in the life.

such as hard working(adjective) , teamwork, discipline (noun) and setting goals (do you mean goal setting) .

Try to add just mentioned three equal words
ex: adjective, adjective and adjective.

Is this essay deal with IELTS ?

Overall,

The using of overall is addressed for overview commonly in Task 1. In task 2 you can use In conclusion, To sum up, or In summary.
dumi 1 / 6,928 1592  
Aug 21, 2014   #3
One considerable argument in support of athletes is that they are much more popular than some other workers.

Well, it is better if you align your arguments more with the prompt. Your prompt is focused on earnings of professional athletes. Also, popularity is not an adequate reason to justify that, but it should be supported by more convincing reasoning. This is what I suggest;

One considerable argument in support of justifying the soaring earnings of professional athletes is that they have earned fame through many hardships and sacrifices.

Moreover, they can even become children's heroes.

They are often heroes and heroines in children's world.


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