Writing task 2; As well as making financial profit, businesses should also express their social role

Please helps me to check this essay! thanks in advance.

As well as making money, businesses also have social responsibilities. Do you agree or disagree?

THIS IS MY ESSAY:
Some argued that the public responsibilities of a company would be associated with making money. From my point of view, Having responsibilities socially brings enormous advantages to an enterprise.

Firstly, when taking part in social activities such as women's rights, charity, and fighting for global warming, businesses have a chance to improve customer's perception of their brand. As a result, their sales and fame exceeded their expectations. For example, in July 2021, King Crab - a new swapling startup in Vietnam, had over 400.000 access to their website, after organizing a charity meal for the poor in Ho Chi Minh. Secondly, Companies could attract more talent to work for them. This is because people could see the culture and work environment of an enterprise committing to improve the world and treat all people and the improvement of a company in the long term is secured by people who believe and want to be delicate for them.

In conclusion, it seems to me that when businesses express their social role it would have positive effects on both their growth and people.

This type of presentation will warrant an immediate failing score overall. Specifically in the TA and C+ C sections. The reasons for the failure start with the word count and ends with an incomplete discussion presentation. There is no way this discussion will receive close to a passing score.

The minimum word count is 250, the writer has written only over 100 words. The examiner will apply percentage deductions based on the number of missing words, leading to a failed preliminary TA score. Then, the incorrect discussion fomat will also be given a deduction since the response is unrelated to the task. This is an agree or disagree essay but the exam taker chose to respond based on advantages v. disadvantages. A clear misunderstanding of the instructions provided.

The entire reasoning basis of the essay is based on an incorrect discussion format. Therefore, the examiner will have no choice but to fail the test taker in the end.