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Many wild animals are in danger.

anotherdth 1 / -  
Mar 26, 2020   #1
Hi guys,

I am learning how to write essays, starting with paragraphs. Here is a paragraph about measures to protect endangered wild animals species.

the danger of wildlife

Nowadays, a wide variety of wild animals are in danger of extinction due to several reasons. One of the natural causes is climate change. For example, greenhouse affects lots of plants, which are the food chain for animals, decrease, even disappear. Another serious factor causing rapid decline of wildlife is human activities. During industrialization, people are polluting air and poisoning water resources by construction running factories, resulting in destroying animal living environment. Besides, deforestation by the human-being is losing the home of many species wild animals. In addition, trading endangered animals such as rhinos, elephants, ... by smugglers is increasing day by day. As consequences, many kinds of rare and precious animals have no way to live and no place to give birth. So what solutions to the problem should be done? It is important to provide radical solutions by governments to prevent loggers from destroying natural forests. Also, the construction of wildlife sanctuaries is also one of effective answers to the matter. Moreover, community awareness of preserving wildlife should be propagandized and encouraged nationally and internationally; and sanctions on wildlife illegal trading need to be legalized. In conclusion, the danger of wildlife on land or in sea is caused not only by climate change but also irresponsible activities of people, and several measures need to be carried out to mitigate its adverse effects. If we do not protect the animals, we will put them on the brink of extinction.

I think there are many mistakes here, so please help me to correct them. Thanks for reading=))

Holt [Contributor] - / 8,157 2307  
Mar 26, 2020   #2
Any essay, be it an academic or English exam presentation requires the same formatting presentation:

-Discussion 1
-Discussion 2

Your current essay contains references to each part. However, you just compressed it all into one paragraph, which made the essay difficult to read and keep track of. You did not really do much work in terms of reasoning development, which is an integral part of essay writing. You have to practice dividing your essay into discussion topics/paragraphs where you clearly explain and support your reasons. That way you ease your reader into the discussion and give them a chance to keep track of the discussion in a manner that makes the essay easy for them to read and remember.

Now, in relation to your grammar errors, I'll assume that you are preparing for the IELTS and use the UK English rules to review your work. Let's get started.

When you use an apostrophe, you need to be sure if you are simply referring to the noun or pronoun of a word. When you referred to "species", you needed the apostrophe at the end to change the form of the word from the noun to pronoun form. When using the word "So" at the start of the sentence, you need to place a comma after it. It will indicate a pause and also, an introduction to the sentence content. You should also understand the use of the word "The" in the English vocabulary. Whether American or UK English, the word is used as the most common connecting word in sentences. For instance "people are polluting THE air and THE water sources".

This could have been a 2 paragraph presentation. The first part indicated the causes and the second part, offered the solutions. The start of the next paragraph should have been at the point where you said "So what solutions..." Again, the essay could have been separated into paragraphs based on several other discussion topics presented. However, I want to concentrate on only 2 parts of your presentation for now since you are just starting to learn how to write essays. These tips should be useful when you write your next practice essay.

You have the potential to develop good essays. I hope that I can continue to guide your improvement in the future. See you here again soon!

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