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Essay about wiretap authorisations-need your corrections


Menurulilmi 1 / -  
May 11, 2019   #1
Task 1.
The diagram below shows information about wiretap authorisations between 1997 and 2007.

Answer:
The bar chart compares and contrasts data on the changes in the number of wiretap authorisations by federal and state over an 11-year period, from 1997 to 2007. A closer look to the diagram highlights the fact that the state authorisations rose while the federal wiretap authorisations number declined over this period of time.

More specifically, the biggest gap in wiretap authorisations point was in 2007, approximately 1,750 authorisations in federal, by contrast in the state only had less than 500 authorisations, a difference nearly 2.5%. Subsequently, the most constant aurhorisations number can be found from 1998 until 2003 when the authorisations' range from a little under 500 to about 750 authorisations, despite the notable exception in 2001, the states had nearly a thousand authorisations. There was a continued increase in the number of wiretap authorisations falling over five consecutive years from about 750 authorisations in 2003 then climbed considerably two times, below 2,000 authorisations in 2007.


  • The question

Maria [Contributor] - / 262 131  
May 11, 2019   #2
@Menurulilmi
Watch out for your usage of punctuation, preposition, and appropriate grammar. To ensure that you have the appropriate construction of sentences, always try to start from simpler formats before moving into complex ones. Doing this will improve the content of your essay. Because these types of essay require an informative format, you can focus on creating a straightforward tone to your essay rather than going around with various forms/fillers. Omit these unnecessary lines to have a more academic approach.

Let's try to revise a few portions of your essay. If I were to revise the second paragraph of your essay:

The biggest gap in wiretapping occurred in 20017 with approximately 1 750 authorizations in federal compared to less than the state's 500 count. This is a perceived difference of nearly 2.5%.

In the succeeding sentence, what exactly do you mean by "the most constant authorisations"? You have to be more specific when you are interpreting graphs.

I recommend trying to be more organized when you are curating analytical content. Interpreting data from graphs should always be within a specific pattern. For instance, I would suggest that you try to stick with a timeline. Start from the beginning of the data present - and end at the last year.

Moreover, I suggest adding a concluding line to all of it. You merely described the data present in the graph without providing your own interpretation or input. This will help create more depth.

Best of luck!


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