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Within 150-200 words, write a paragraph about the advantages of living in the city.

chgiang04 1 / -  
Nov 5, 2018   #1
Hi all, I'm new to writing, so my paragraph is rather cumbersome and incoherent. Could you give me some advice on how to improve it? Thank you very much.

tremendous merits of a big town

A number of people are concerned about living in urban areas mainly because of the great advantages it brings about. Initially, one of the main positives of city life is that it offers a great convenience of services to its dwellers. As a result, they stand the chance to receive the best possible healthcare and enjoy the endless entertainment options, as there is a huge range of recreational places and healthcare systems available in every city. Another notable point is that the urban areas open avenue for job hunting. Most of the corporate offices, factories, government offices, garments and companies are either situated in a city or close to the city. Hence, they will afford myriad employment opportunities, which helps job seekers to get a good position without much difficulty. Finally, the recent advancements in technology and transportation comfort the urban lifestyle. The vast amount of transports facilities has made life immensely easy to live in the metropolis areas and the commuting to work is not a problem. Futhermore, the media and means of communication enables people to get information, catch up with ages or contact each other. Briefly, living in a big city is generally considered to be beneficial in multiple ways due to its tremendous merits.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,648 4752  
Nov 6, 2018   #2
Hi Chu. While your writing is rather cumbersome, you are wrong about it being incoherent. Your presentation makes sense. It is understandable and offers information that the reader is familiar with. Therefore, this is a an essay that has some grammar and sentence structure issues, but delivers in terms of content and clarity. I would not worry so much about the sentence structure problems because this did not affect the overall presentation of your essay. You can actually consider yourself to be an intermediate user. You know more than the basic English language and how to use it, but you still have problems with its usage at certain times.

The only way you can continue to get better at English writing is by doing exactly what you are doing, keep on writing. Respond to essay prompts, keep a journal, write a blog, read books, watch English movies or Chinese movies with English sub-titles, anything and everything that will keep you immersed in the English language. Join English chatrooms, write to your friends in English, there are just so many ways you can continue to build upon your good language foundation.

The main point is this, in order to improve, you must immerse yourself in the language, even if it means talking to your friends and parents in English rather than your native tongue. These are some of the best ways to improve your language skills.

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