Unanswered [1] | Urgent [0] - SERVICES

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 5

Working from home: Effects? Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?

hgianghgiang 7 / 14 3  
Aug 16, 2017   #1

Performing tasks remotely

It has been a prevalent trend for modern employees to perform tasks from a distance thanks to the advancement of computer networks. This has led to both inconveniences and opportunities. Ultimately, it appears to me that such work pattern is still worthwhile, in a sense that it allows workers to overcome several disadvantages of conventional labor.

On one hand, working at home has its own pitfalls, namely distraction and isolation. Interruption from neighbors, friends, family might be very disruptive, thus reducing work productivity, combined with the temptation to procrastinate and let the work pile up. Meanwhile, most people find it hard to finish tasks because of not being able to bounce ideas off colleagues or because of breakdowns in communication through emails and phone calls.

On the other hand, it's no doubt that one can greatly benefit from starting a business in the house. Firstly, by personalizing their work situations, such as setting up a flexible schedule as an alternative to the traditional 9 to 5, employees can keep a work-life balance. Home-based employees are often capable of working continuously when sick, returning to work quickly following surgery or pregnancy, and handling personal appointments without losing a full day of work. Secondly, remote work means cutting numerous costs including costs of commuting as well as indirect costs like professional wardrobes and on-the-go meals. Lastly, this novel way of work has enabled top talents to be hired despite geographic limits. Therefore, I reckon that the advantages can far outweigh the hassles. The main explanation is that some problems listed have the potential to be tackled with dedication, focus, and high self-discipline from employees themselves.

Overall, the idea of having a home-based office is very challenging yet appealing at the same time. It is recommended for those who wish to be their own boss and strive to develop such modern attitude towards work. This work pattern should be encouraged in this era of modern telecommunication technologies.

[324 WORDS]

Danstand 2 / 9 3  
Aug 16, 2017   #2
Here is my view on your essay
...distance, thanks to the...
...in a sense, it allows...
working home has its own pitfalls in stead of "On one hand", working has its own pitfalls...
On the other hand, it's no doubt that one can benefit greatly from starting a business in the house.
I prefer you use words like in all, in brief, etc for your concluding paragraph
I hope you find this helpful
Holt - / 7,529 2001  
Aug 16, 2017   #3
Nguyen, you seem to have forgotten to post the full original discussion instructions for your essay in this post. It will be extremely difficult to determine the validity of your responses without the baseline that the original prompt requirements creates for me. That is the reference point for everyone here who wishes to help review your work.

I will congratulate you on writing so many words for this essay. However, the number of words that you used does not mean that you created an impressive essay in terms of content. Your essay is severely lacking in terms of discussion development because you used 3 reasons in one paragraph for the advantages and barely tried to explain the disadvantages. Without proper paragraph development, no amount of LR in relation to the word count will help to increase your score.

Limit your paragraph development to only 5 sentences per paragraph. That is the academic requirement for these tests. Do not go beyond it. This is not a test of English vocabulary skills. This is a test of being able to express yourself in an understandable manner in English. That means, you need to be able to prove to the examiner that you are capable of developing more than just simple English sentences as you do now. You need to focus on creating complex sentences and impressive task discussions instead. In order to create that impression, you will need to create a total of 5, properly developed paragraphs.

You only have 4 paragraphs here with the 3rd paragraph running longer than acceptable. Points will be lost for that extremely long paragraph. Remember, you only get to discuss one topic per paragraph. Don't bunch them all in. I counted 4 topics in the 3rd paragraph. That means you were not able to properly develop any of the discussion points. Instead of increasing your score, your score will be reduced instead.
OP hgianghgiang 7 / 14 3  
Aug 18, 2017   #4
Thank you so much for pointing out the faults in my essays and offering me some advice. This is really helpful since I'll take the IELTS test in a month's time. Must improve my writing right way or my band score will just slip.
minhphuccttv 4 / 11  
Aug 18, 2017   #5
Hello Giang,

Here is my view on your essay:

modern employees => recent employees,
conventional => general,
one one hand => on the one hand
its own pitfalls => its pitfalls,

repetitive words:

employees => workers,
greatly => significantly,
main = > central,
their own boss => their boss.

I hope it can help you

Minh Phuc

Home / Writing Feedback / Working from home: Effects? Do the advantages outweigh the disadvantages?