Writing task 2 : Working from home is more efficient than travelling

Some say that it would be better if the majority of employees worked from home instead of traveling to a workplace every day.

Do you think the advantages of working from home outweigh the disadvantages ?

With the development of the technology, there are many alternative ways for individuals selecting their workplace. Some believe that employees worked at home instead of working at office have more benefits. Personally, I strongly believe that the merits of it are more rather than the drawbacks which will be present in the following paragraphs.

To start with, working at home is beneficial for workers as they can save times and money. To move from home to workplace, people spend money on tickets, petrol and it waste their time while travelling. Therefore, teleworking is an appropriate way for financial saving. Moreover, remote workers have high productivity. When employees work at company, they often get interruption of time- consuming commute and working environment distraction. Moreover, they have more schedule flexibility. For example, in free time, they can spend time with family members.

However, there are some difficulties of it. Workers are lack of community and teamwork. At home, spending long hours and collaborating with a computer screen and no face-to-face interaction with team members can be challenging. Although there are platforms for video calls, it is still not efficient than sitting together and brainstorm ideas to work effectively. Another reason for that is the shortage of office equipment. Setting up a home office can be highly cost as they have to buy a high-end laptop/ desktop, a strong internet connection, a fax/printer machine.... And that is not convenience for everyone.

In conclusion, although it has some negative points, the positive side is more efficient as my opinions.

Rather than referring to the opinion you support as "it", use a more specific term based on the keyword provided. This will add clarity and accuracy to your opinion as needed by the preliminary score. By the way, watch out for the time reference errors. The past tense references cannot be used in a task 2 essay unless it refers to a previous personal experience or knowledge.

The discussions are not grammatically accurate but those grammatical problems do not reduce the a curacy of the thought or idea presentation.
The presentation works well and may even gain a passing score. I have to say though that there is a more specific and better scoring format for this presentation.

Focus on the cohesiveness and coherence of the discussion. Since this is a comparative discussion prompt, the reasoning paragraphs need to show the advantage and disadvantage of 1 idea in one paragraph. That is why 2 reasons should be comparatively discussed over 2 reasoning paragraphs. The format is:

Sentence 1: basic premise / reason / idea
Sentence 2: explain the validity of the reason
Sentence 3: oppose the idea with a specific reason
Sentence 4: develop the idea explanation
Sentence 5: offer a supporting example or personal experience / knowledge basis

By using this format, you will successfully argue your opinion based upon your ability to invalidate the previous claim. In the process, you will meet the maximum scoring consideration for the major scoring sections.

This is an essay that does not score based on number of reasons presented. The best scores come from the properly discussed, connected, and well explained reasons for only 2 individual ideas.

You should easily notice this error in your presentation since your 2 reasoning paragraphs are not cohesive in the sense that the ideas provided are not explained, these are just listed with only a very light an unconvincing explanation provided in the paragraph.