Unanswered [0] / Urgent [0] / SERVICES

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

Write a short paragraph about the problems associated with an increase in the usage of car.

Kenss 1 / -  
Feb 28, 2019   #1

traffic jam, air pollution, expenses

These days many people are becoming wealthier that's the reason why they can easily afford a car or even more than one, as a results it brings about many problems. Firstly, traffic jam may be the most headache problems with city planner, government and citizens who have do deal with it everyday, especially in the big cities. Take myself as an example, my home to school is only 4 km but i takes me 30 minutes to be present at school due to traffic jam. Secondly, air pollution is also problems causing by increasing the usage of care, everyday these cars emit a great amount of carbohydrate which devastates environment and harms to human's health. Moreover car also increases rate of road serious accident, because car's accidence causing more damage than other vehicles do. Finally a car also costs a lot of money for fixing and cooperating, car's owner also have to spend a lot of expenses like road taxes, insurance and many other spending. To sum up, car may be useful in some ways but we should use it in appropriate ways to reduce problems causing by car.

Thanks so much for your checking !

Holt - / 7,546 2001  
Mar 1, 2019   #2
Hi Quang. Since you did not specify whether this paragraph should be written UK or US English, I decided to go with the UK version since you are from Vietnam and will most likely by preparing for the IELTS test. Here is my review of your work.

With regards to your sentence structure, you said the following:

...only 4 km but i takes me 30 minutes...
The correct word is "it" not "I". I is a first person pronoun that is used to refer to oneself in a discussion, it does not act as a reference to a procedure as you wrote in this sentence.

Brush up on your comma usage. That is always used after an introductory element and a conjunction. You did not use the comma at all in those presentation points in this paragraph.

Noun phrase rules are clear, "a" precedes a singular form of a word. So it is incorrect to say "as a results". Instead say "as a result".

Word choice errors abound in this essay:

... have do deal = ... have TO deal

... deal with it everyday = ... it EVERY DAY

Avoid using contractions such as "that's" when writing academic papers. Spell out the word as "That is".

Home / Writing Feedback / Write a short paragraph about the problems associated with an increase in the usage of car.