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Write a passage to show the main reason that polluting the environment and suggest some solutions


Reece 2 / 1  
Jan 5, 2016   #1
Have you ever imaged that one day we will have to live in a completely polluted world. It would be such an unhealthy life that our human beings and animals may die out. It is a common knowledge that out environment is gradually becoming contaminated seriously and man is the main reason. We are unconsciously destroying our surroundings for many illegal or greedy personal purposes as we do not realize that how important it is. For example, people deforest for farming or buildings, and we also hunt scarce animals and the others just for jewlries, clothing, so on while they provide us with fresh air that is the most indispensable necessity, food, water,... It leads to that animals that are innocent are also put up with the consequence we are making. Human beings are slowly ruining our life by raising various disasters that makes our future in danger. Thus, a solution to deal with this emergent issue is very necessary. Everyone just need a small action to prevent our environment from being spoilt. For example, we can reduce the amount of garbage by recycling, reusing things or avoid throwing them into the environment; riding a bike or walking instead of riding a motorbike, driving a car is the best way for us to cut down on the quantity of exhaust fumes,... What is important is that we are together protecting our world. To conclude, I would like to alarm that our world is being seriously polluted and needs to be helped.

aflah15 32 / 18 4  
Jan 6, 2016   #2
There are some suggestions for you:
You have some mistakes, you put plenty of coordinating conjunctions in wrong places and there are too many conjunctions in each sentence.
For example:
"...and we also hunt scarce animals and the others ..."
There are three coordinating conjunctions, you have to understand when we can put each word since they have different rules.
Afterwards, your essay has many referent pronouns, it will be better if you try to paraphrase the nouns. Another problem is your sentence does not have clear structures.

For example:
It leads to that animals that are innocent are


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