Unanswered [7] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width   Posts: 4


Nowadays young children are using mobile phones



renga78 6 / 17  
May 31, 2010   #1
Nowadays young children are using mobile phones. Some people think it is a positive development, while others think it's a negative one. Discuss. What is your opinion?

Like video game consoles, cell phones are increasingly used by children nowadays. It had become a custom that every children need to have a mobile phone as soon as they know how to operate it. When some people see this as a positive development, others say it is not bringing any good to the children for several reasons. It will be discussed in the same order.

As parents worry a lot, after hearing many horrible stories with regard to the safety of a child at schools, they consider mobile phones as a safety agent. At the time of insecurity a child would be able to contact his/her parents at the push of a button. Parents need not worry about their children's whereabouts anymore.

Having said all these positive things, it is not that cell phones are not having any negative aspects. Teachers are complaining that a child who has a cell phone is not concentrating well on their studies. They check their mobile phones every now and then for new messages and further more they do not hesitate to pick up a call in their classrooms and thus distract the whole class.

The traffic accidents has increased considerably when students start using mobile phones as they had been typing or talking on the cell phone while they were driving. Certain incidents like children using mobile phones to bully other children have also become a great problem to the society. As many young people started using mobile phone, it has become a status symbol, hence they demand specific models which are mostly higher in price in order to maintain their image among their friends.

In conclusion, except a few advantages of a mobile phone, there are several drawbacks associated with it; hence it is not advisable for children unless they are ready to take the complete responsibility of it. Parents should also emphasis the importance of a cell phone and not to treat them as a status symbol. Schools should educate their pupils on cell phone usage inside class rooms.

kenziii 7 / 32  
May 31, 2010   #2
One thing that can make your writing much better in a realitively quick and easy step is to almost entirely eliminate pronouns: he, she, it, they. Instead of saying it, replace with a descriptive noun. The communication device, tool, or something of that order so that you can avoid using cell phone over and over again as well as circumvent the use of excessive pronouns. Just an easy tip.
OP renga78 6 / 17  
May 31, 2010   #3
Hi kenziii,

Thank you very much for your effort. It is wonderful to have my essay get corrected by you. I will incorporate your suggestion in my future essays.

Regards,
Renga
EF_Kevin 8 / 13053  
Jun 1, 2010   #4
Here is a quick lesson about has and had:
It has become a custom that every children need to have a mobile phone as soon as they know how to operate it.

Right now it has become a custom.
Yesterday it had become a custom.
Tomorrow it will have become a custom.
Right now they have become a custom.
Yesterday they had become a custom.
Tomorrow they will have become a custom.

It's so confusing!!! But this is a list of the correct ways to use the forms of that verb.

Shalini and Mackenzie made great corrections! thank you

In conclusion, except the mobile phone has only a few advantages, but several drawbacks associated are with it; hence it is not...


Home / Writing Feedback / Nowadays young children are using mobile phones
Need Writing or Editing Help?
Fill out one of these forms:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳

Academic AI Writer:
Custom AI Writer ◳