Fashion and the young generations
Young generations currently try to keep up with the latest fashion trends. While I agree that this trend might benefit their social relationship, I would argue that the drawbacks are greater.
To begin with, there are several reasons why keeping up with the latest fashion can benefit social life. Firstly, this is an excellent way for young people to beautify themselves when they wear fashionable items such as dress, necklace, and watch. As a result, they might feel more confident in socialising with their peers. Secondly, when they share and discuss new fashion trends with their friends, these conservations will help them blend with their groups. For example, my friends and I always start our conversation about some famous brands' newest shoes. If they do not catch up with fashion, they might be isolated when they do not have the same interest with their friends.
However, I believe this tendency is not suitable for young generations. First, most of these people are studying, which means that they are not independent of finance. Therefore, when they do not have enough money to possess fashionable items, they might commit crime to satisfy their needs. For example, in Vietnam, a young boy, who was punished by sending to prison, stole a pair of Nike shoes because of a lack of money. Second, when young people are too addicted to fashion clothing, their study might be neglected. Their academic performance will be negatively affected, and they will fall behind the class. Third, since only affluent students can purchase the latest fashion clothing, they incidentally create a sharp divide between them and poor students.
In conclusion, while I agree that following the newest fashion trends is beneficial to widening social relationships, I do not think this tendency is suitable for the young generations.
You wrote While I agree that this trend might benefit their social relationship but nobody said that in the task, you agreed with something that you created. You should have agreed or disagreed with the statement Young generations now spend more time and money following fashion trends.
Also, you talk about benefits and drawbacks, but the task did not ask you about that, the question was whether you agree or disagree with the first statement.
Your first body paragraph is not talking about young generations spending more money on fashion, you need to answer the questiion in the task.
Your second body explains that it is bad for teenagers. Again - not what the question asked you about.
But on the bright side - I learned a new word "beautify", I have never heard it before and dictionaries say it is real.
@RomanKoch
Thanks man, It's been months I haven't practiced IELTS WRITING, I need to rewrite. Thanks for your help
@RomanKoch
I rewrote my essay, I forgot to analyse the question before writing. Are there any grammatical errors and word choice?
While I accept that this tendency might be good for them in some ways, I would argue that ...
To begin with, there are several benefits of keeping up with the latest fashion. Firstly, this ...
..., they will feel isolated when ...
However, I believe this trend is ...
... trends is beneficial to the young generation in some extent, I do not think this ...
hi, i have some comments for you.
1. you should not use personal example in an academic essay because, first, it'll make your essay sound subjective and second, it isn't a valuable resource to prove your idea
2. like Roman said, you are a bit off-topic
3. you should improve your range of vocabulary, here are some examples:
- they are not independent of finance => they are financially dependent.
- who was punished by sending to prison => who was imprisoned
Hi Lucas,
I'm also studying on GRE AWA's, and I think your essay is quite nice. Just a thought that came in my mind that your sentence structure can be better. The usage of comas can be improved.
For example in the second paragraph :
Secondly, when they share and ... --> You can modify this as, 'Secondly, these conservations will help young people blend with their groups when they share and discuss new fashion trends.
Another one in the third paragraph :
For example, in Vietnam, a young ... --> This can be written as, 'For example even though lacking money, a young boy in Vietnam was sent to prison because of stealing shoes.
rephrase first body paragraph, It is not talking about young generation, Define a main topic to start with.