Unanswered [14] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 3


Young people today spend too much money and time following fashion trends (clothing, technology)


BeanMiller 1 / -  
Feb 27, 2023   #1
IELTS WRITING TASK 2
Young people today spend too much money and time following fashion trends (clothing, technology)

To watch extent do you agree or disagree?



It is undeniable that people are running after many fashion trends, especially young people because the society are developing day by day so a lot of new trends will appear and attract young people. Some arguments may think that it's totally fine if they want to become flashier and more fashionable in front of other people. But the other assume that they spend too much money and time following fashion trends. And I agree that this young generation are wasting too much money and time to run after the latest fashion trend.

First and foremost, youth is a very important time of your life. In this time young people should invest in themselves and build up a strong range of knowledge and life skill so they can be confident with every situation. And instead of using that money that they have earned to buy trendy clothes or technology, they can use it to invest or trade on the stock exchange or buy more books to read to enhance their knowledge and imagination to a higher level. Secondly, there is nothing to be ashamed of when young people are wearing old clothes or using old-fashioned technology, because they can use that time and money focus on more vital things such as their future, their career to reach their goals. For example, if a boy want to be a doctor, between some trendy clothing, technology and some reference medical book, that boy would choose the second choice because he has defined himself as a future doctor so he has to spend their time and money to achieve his dream.

Thirdly, young people should only spend their time to something that help them to make money not something that take their money out of pocket. Because they have a lot of fees to pay such as the house rent, the electricity bill, the water bill and even their high school/university fee. If they continue spending money on trendy fashion like clothing or technology, they will be in lack of money and don't have enough money to pay for all those kinds of fees. Finally, young people don't have to wear trendy clothing or buy trending technology because after a short period, they will be "out of trend" so they only need to choose causal clothing or affordable technology because they will last for a long time and no one will judge them for their normal sense of fashion. For instance, a university boy brought a white T-shirt and a trendy color shirt which was very hot at that time. For the first two weeks, the boy only wore his trendy color shirt because it is a very popular shirt but a few years later, it is no longer suitable for young people so his white old T-shirt is more likely a safe option for him to wear for the rest of his life because it is normal and comfortable.

In conclusion, young people should use their youth to do more helpful things instead of spending all their money on fashion trends.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,648 4752  
Feb 28, 2023   #2
It is undeniable that people are running after many fashion trends

This is the writer's personal opinion that is unrelated to the question posed in the original prompt. It will not receive a scoring consideration as a part of the accuracy of the topic restatement.

Some arguments may think

There is no other argument provided so this should have simply been restated in the essay prompt section factually. There are no other public opinions to be considered. The writer's opinion is not a part of this restatement presentation.

And I agree

Incorrect response format as it is missing the measured response or emotional reference of support for the given opinion.

Overall, the prompt restatement + writer's opinion will definitely fall short of receiving a passing score. It does not meet the passing score requirements for this section.

Since the writer is being asked to defend his own opinion in the discussion paragraphs, he should be referencing himself using first person pronouns throughout the essay. This is keep the discussion clear in reference to being based on his personal opinion alone. He should not be attempting to speak for other people or using second or third person pronouns in this essay. This is further evidence of incorrect discussion formatting.

Overall, despite some positive scoring potential in the minor sections of the scoring rubic, the writer errors as listed above will still prevent a passing score achievement.
nightrain 2 / 3  
Mar 1, 2023   #3
1. your essay is too long for IELTS writing.
2. informal writing, such as putting 'and' 'but' at the beginning of a sentence.
3. mistakes occur on punctuation mark, verb tense, single and plural, and collocation.


Home / Writing Feedback / Young people today spend too much money and time following fashion trends (clothing, technology)
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳