Young officials recruited from prestigious colleges are needed to be a part of the government

Apr 3, 2015 #1

Could anyone help me in correcting the essay.

Topic: Some argue younger people are not suitable for important positions in the government, while others think this is a good idea. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

Government is the responsible unit for better functioning of the society. Actions taken by the government will be responsible for growth of a society. Thus, we can derive the fact that persons holding the key positions are creditworthy for proper functioning of the government. Some claim that younger people must be recruited for important positions and the rest vote for experienced officials. I feel that right combination of youth and experience is required in government key positions and this essay will focus on this point.

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mumtazdinar 12 / 10

Apr 3, 2015 #2

Hi Prasanth,

These are several suggestion for your writing,

A g overnment is the responsible units for better functioning of the societies . All a ctions which have been taken by the government will be responsible for ~~growth of a society~~ growing the societies. Thus, we can derive ~~the~~a fact that ~~persons~~ people who hold ~~holding~~ the key positions are creditworthy for proper functioning of the government. Some people claim that ~~younger people~~youngsters must be recruited for important positions and the rest vote for experienced officials. I feel that right combination of youth and experience is required in government key positions and this essay will focus on this point.

Young officials who are recruited from prestigious colleges, will have a different thought process which is most required for present day society, while the experiences will stick to old school. Young generation will analyse the problems in different views~~, thus providing~~so as to provide a better solution. For instance, young government workers in Bangalore are helped by~~sought help of~~ college students to analyse the traffic problem in major junctions, and co me up with a rewarding idea of changing the traffic rules and diverting the traffic. Positive results are observed at junctions ~~like g raphite without any major constructions like new flyovers etc~~re-write this sentence .

On the other hand, experienced professionals have a better foresight owing to the experiences in their fields . An experienced employee will take a better decision than a naive youngster. This is required in critical fields like b udget, ~~military etc which has money and life at stake~~re-write this sentence . AnA young graduate can only design a budget ~~based on the statistics of the previous budgets~~according to previous budget statistics but cannot foresee issues which might crop up.

In conclusion, the ability of young generations must be utilized for ~~betterment of the nation~~nation improvement and the experienced people must take up the job offor recruiting talented professionals and guide them to build a better society.

Good Luck and Happy Writing

SHanafi 120 / 357

Apr 3, 2015 #3

Beware to break down your prompt.
I am afraid that the essential about younger people are not suitable for important position in the goverment is not strongly discuss.If I were you, to include the strong argument in the side of younger succes in government position, I am keen on to disscuss about the success story of Bangalore ICT Industry which was the result from the good government of young people instead of the young government workers who are helped by college students. As a reader, I caught that the successful of traffic reduction in Bangalore is the work of college student not young people in his/her suitable position in the government.

Hopefully it helps :)