TOEFL : young people should have the ability to plan and organize.

It is often said that, since no one knows what happens in the future, planning and organizing is a way to waste time. however, I strongly believe that planning and organizing is crucial component to success in the complex society for two reasons; to use time efficiently and to do the projects successfully.

To begin with, since the modern society has become complex and been changed rapidly, one should use time efficiently. In order to use time more efficiently, one should have capacity to plan and organize something. A lot of books which is related to planning to guide a success shows that capacity to plan is necessary for young people. For example, my cousine, eui hyun, had planned to get a successful job during half of one year. He bought many books which could guide to get a successful job and planned a job schedule through books. He organized things which have to do such as TOEIC score, interview skill, and internship experience. As a result, he got a good job which he wanted to get in short time. That is because he could use time efficiently by planning and organizing.

In addition, a skill to plan and organize is important in companies. When the important project is carried out, many people make many efforts planning the project at first. planning and orgarnizing the project might take long time. This shows that planning and organizing is not only a crucial skill to success in companies, but also a required skill to become a potent worker. According to the Ministry of the Labor in Korea 2007, this shows that the companies prefer capable people who have a skill to plan and organize the project. This implies that a skill to plan and organize is the most required ability which the companies select their staff.

In brief, young people should have a skill to plan and orgarnize things to use time efficiently and do a thing which they want to achieve successfully. more complex the society become, more necessary a skill to plan and organize is.

- please correct my essay, thank you!

"The more complex the society becomes , the more necessary it becomes to be able to plan and organize is ."

This is a key aspect of your argument and you return to it in your conclusion. But you simply assert rather than explain this. Why does increasing complexity lead to the need for better planning and organization?

"H owever, I strongly believe that planning and organizing are crucial components of success in the complex society for two reasons: to use time efficiently and to completethe projects successfully."

Here, you begin to explain what you mean. Also, this is the idea you ought to have re-asserted in your conclusion. In my corrections, you can see a couple of my key critiques: Be sure to capitalize at the beginning of each sentence, and be sure to use punctuation marks properly.

Who says this, exactly?


Whereas in the distant past it was better to use time inefficiently?

As the above examples show, you should try to avoid really abstract, general statements in your writing. Apart from that, and from Simone's points, you are on the right track.

I wondered that too.

My correction on the conclustion part:
In brief,I firmly believe young people should have a skill to plan and orgarnize things, to use time efficiently and to make an aim in order to achieve success. More advanced the society develops, more important and necessary the skill of organization and plan becomes .

You forgot to capitilize first letter of the sententences and I think your overall argumetns. Also you generalized your arguments that you need to more specify what you are trying to say.