sport athletes are often poor role models
The specific issue of whether the admiration of millions of youngsters towards sport athletes who are often poor role models is a negative trend or not. Views on this issue vary from person to person. I am a firm supporter of the perspective that this trend has a detrimental effect on young generation and society.
First and foremost, sport star - oriented a bad example has the power to adversely affect the thinking capability as well as ability of the youth and instill negative or destructive behavior and thinking patterns. Paradoxically, youngsters tend to look up to all the actions of the stars regardless of whether these actions are beneficial or not. Anecdotal evidence has shown that Batolle is a scocer , who gains attention and fame through scandals as well as PR stunts . This made many young people imitate that causes a dangerous wave for the awareness and development.
What is more, idolizing sportsmen who are wrong ideal has a ability to increase the juvenline deliquence . Obviously, tons of sports stars are investigated about the use of dope such as cocaine , drug and hashish,thereby leading to youngsters' curiosity to try. Neddless to say, young generation are likely to become offenders by dint of these dope , which is banned useage.
Finally yet importantly, unknowingly or knowingly, although setting a bad example , sports stars might be still a role model for their career. Take Ronadol,a word-class footballer, as a typical example, he stands out like a excellent scocer by virtue of diligence and determination for each of matches. Fans have a potential to learn a lot from good persionalites and characterics .
From what has discussed above, one can reach a conclusion that it is hard for both sides to come to an agreement for this win-win situation ,I still strongly hold onto the view that the proclivity of admiring and adoring these stars may pose a wide range of adverse effects on young generation .
I believe you are correct in that certain sports stars are not good role models - they obviously committed certain actions that go against good human character traits or perhaps made major mistakes that ruined their careers and reputation. You are also correct in that other sports stars are good role models; soccer players are excellent archetypes of the results of hard work and living by good life lessons.
In my opinion, however, looking at the big picture, athletes are excellent role models for young children everywhere whether they play sports or not. Although certain athletes are arguably better off forgotten - those who committed crimes, were caught cheating or doping, etc. - they can actually be used to teach young children what NOT to do. People learn from other people's mistakes - that's one reason why we study history. On the other hand, the other good athletes can serve as sources of inspiration for young children. Even if these athletes make mistakes that might cost them a win or get them in minor trouble, they are only humans and they will inevitably make mistakes. Kids can still learn from these mistakes. Overall, though, the fact that the vast majority of these athletes have reached the pro level through their work can still positively influence children
Holt Educational Consultant - / 15347 Vy, your total essay is a mess of over reaching vocabulary, improperly structured sentences, confusing topic sentences, and basically, an extremely stressful read for the examiner. Your essay is difficult to make sense of because you are not properly developing your sentence presentations, have poor control over grammar (specifically the use of "a" and "an") along with the lack of proper transition sentences.
Don't just use complicated English words such as "paradoxically" just because it sounds nice and applicable. You need to make sure that the "big" words you use are actually applicable to the sentence topic you are discussing. In this case, it wasn't and you could have chosen a simpler English word to represent what you wanted to say.
The task 2 essay is not a test of English vocabulary. Nor it is a test of how many English words you know. This is a test of English proficiency. As long as you use proper words in a manner than properly explains what you are trying to say, the examiner will be able to score you properly. Confuse the examiner and write directionless statements such as the above and you will end up with a failing score.
A word of advice, write in simple English sentences using basic vocabulary for now. You are not yet capable of using advanced English words in the proper manner. Your sentence development ability is only at the beginner stage at this point. Don't try to write anything beyond your actual English writing abilities. You will still get a good or even passing score when you write simple texts. What matters is that you are clearly understood. At this point, this essay clearly shows that you cannot easily be understood by a native English speaker and that, is bad for your final score.
FYI, Batolle is a soccer player, not a soccer. Soccer is the sport. Soccer ball is the instrument of the game. A soccer player plays the game. See what I mean by you are not familiar enough with the English language to compose even a basic English sentence? That is the reason why you have a greater chance of failing rather than passing this test at this point.
Practice simple English sentence writing before you continue to write practice essays. You need to do that if you want to stand a chance of even writing understandable simple English sentences at this point.
Hi. I share the same experience as contributor when reading your essay.
But your paragraph contains a lot of mispelled words:
Batolle. You mean Mario Ballotelli?, a strong charisma and an Italian soccer player?
Ronadol His name is Christian Ronaldo. To be correct.
world-class
Please be more scrupulous next time.
You mentioned only the drawback of athletes which is unfair. Secondly, in your last paragraph you have written "a conclusion ...". You'd better write " a conclusion that is hard for both sides".
I am of the opinion that if teenagers lead healthy lifestyle ( like athletes and sportsmen do) they will always be in good physical condition.
And finally, I have a question, which is also (somehow) an answer: If athletes do not follow regular lifestyle, take drugs e.t.c then why people look up to them? Why everyone tries to be, for example Mario Balotelli, or legendary player Cristiano Ronaldo ( who even works out gym underwater) ?
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