IELTS Writing task 2 - young people who commit serious crimes should be punished in the same way

Some people believe that young people who commit serious crimes should be punished in the same way as adults.
To what extend do you agree or disagree.?

It is true that the number of teenagers commting crime has drastically in created in recent years. Personally, I completely disagree with the idea that strict punishments for juvenile delinquents are the same as other offenders.

On the one hand, strict punishment of young criminals may have adverse effects. to be precise, they are still too young to fully understand the consequence of breaking the law and the danger of a criminal lifestyle. Therefore, they can not responsible for what they did as the seriousness of their criminal act. Furthermore, teenagers couldn't evaluate their decision wisely because they tend to be seduced by their toxic friends and harassment by other adults.

On the other hand, I believe that adolescents could be remorseful for what they had done and turn their lives around if we educate their mindset about their crimes. One option would be rather than sending them to prison where serious criminals are living, they should let to stay in reformatory schools, where they can rehabilitate physiology and continue their studies. For instance, if we teach them positive aspects of life and encourage them that they still have a chance to become normal, productive members of society. Another option would be allowing ex-prisoners to speak to young people about what happens if they keep following the criminal lifestyle.

In conclusion, treating juvenile delinquents like other crimes may make them suffer from psychological problems. I am convinced that other measures such as reformatory schools should also be introduced.

Hello, could you please point out my mistakes and calculate a band score for this essay? Thank you

Band score estimates are provided as a part of our private services. Kindly contact us privately to inquire about it. Students who might want to score this essay should think twice as it will result in account suspension on their part.

Why are you admitting to the truth of a claim when the original topic is merely referencing this as an idea among a small group of supporters? Such reference creates an incorrect prompt restatement and will result in deductions based on topic statement inaccuracy. This will lower the TA score even as the writer's opinion was properly presented even as the reasoning summary is not given by the writer. The reasoning topics being present in this paragraph would have boosted the TA score due to opinion clarity.

The writer will only receive a score for the paragraph that supports his opinion presentation. As this is not a comparative essay but rather, a single opinion presentation, the reasoning paragraphs should have both supported the writer's opinion in this debate. The reason? It will prove the writer's opinion to be correct as it is based on believable supporting statements. The non-supporting paragraph will not receive a score. The end result? The essay will receive a score based on a partially developed discussion.