Unanswered [3] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Writing Feedback   % width Posts: 2

Nowadays, young people need guidance from adults. Should they take a job before go to university?


andika08 81 / 80 16  
Oct 3, 2016   #1
Some suggest that young people should take a job for a few years between school and university.

Discuss what the advantages and disadvantages be for people who do this.


Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

Nowadays, young people need guidance from adult. The reason is prevent them from negative effect. They can learn to focus for their future. They have to continue their education which are study at University. It is better than take a job.

The leasure time that student still waiting to enter university. They can go to work and get money from their job. For example, young people work at coffee shop. It make them get many experience to meet people. In addition, they feel good for the job and forget about their education. As far as, the job make them not exited to continue their education. Beside that, the result from their work that can increase the income in family.

On the other hand, student can get a diffucult problem for not doing anything between their free time. For example, they cannot focus for the future. It is better than they prepare to pass university whice are take a course that related from their major also can increasing their ability. It make their time effectively to stay focus on. They can increase their knowledge by many ways which are get many information for studying in university. Therefore, they not fell shocked that first time to enter college. In addition, if they work before enter college it can spent much more time useless in daily activity.

In conclusion, young people should continue their education because it is important for them and people around them. They age is productive to learn and memorize. Education also will raise their status and make them easily to get job.

akbarmappiare 31 / 469 275  
Oct 4, 2016   #2
Hi Andika..
Please, check my notes to improve your skill.
^_^


Nowadays, young people need guidance from adult. The reason is prevent them from negative effect

I do not know whether that is the hook or not. However, if that is, you actually failed to order your mind. Your hook cannot guide well to the statement. Therefore, be careful of determining the hook.

They have to continue their education which are study at University. It is better than take a job.

Honestly, your thesis statement was out of the topic. before you step so far, please you pay attention to the prompt of the statement or question. That are going to help to describe your opinion in the edge of the topic. The question asks you to review advantages and disadvantages when people take a job. you have to be more aware about the prompts..

For example, young people work at coffee shop.

When you wanna demonstrate an example, you have to explain clearly and totally. It seemed like a layman's opinion because it is less strong. This is an essay so that you have to construct scientifically.

It make them get many experience to meet people. In addition, they feel good for the job and forget about their education.

You can review your opinion with using the listing method. The supporting sentence have to be included to strengthen your mind. It is very important to reach the high score.

Note: There are a lot of misspellings. As we know, that is one of major mistakes in writing the essay. Keep in your mind to reread your essay before uploading. Besides that, you should read the example od writing task 2 to get the sense of the essay. It is so far from criterias of the essay.

I really believe you can master for this skill. You only need providing more time to parcatice again and again
Keep Spirit
GOOD LUCK
:D


Home / Writing Feedback / Nowadays, young people need guidance from adults. Should they take a job before go to university?