Please, check my notes to improve your skill.
Nowadays, young people need guidance from adult. The reason is prevent them from negative effectI do not know whether that is the hook or not. However, if that is, you actually failed to order your mind. Your hook cannot guide well to the statement. Therefore, be careful of determining the hook.
They have to continue their education which are study at University. It is better than take a job.Honestly, your thesis statement was out of the topic. before you step so far, please you pay attention to the prompt of the statement or question. That are going to help to describe your opinion in the edge of the topic. The question asks you to review advantages and disadvantages when people take a job. you have to be more aware about the prompts..
For example, young people work at coffee shop.When you wanna demonstrate an example, you have to explain clearly and totally. It seemed like a layman's opinion because it is less strong. This is an essay so that you have to construct scientifically.
It make them get many experience to meet people. In addition, they feel good for the job and forget about their education.
You can review your opinion with using the listing method. The supporting sentence have to be included to strengthen your mind. It is very important to reach the high score.Note: There are a lot of misspellings. As we know, that is one of major mistakes in writing the essay. Keep in your mind to reread your essay before uploading. Besides that, you should read the example od writing task 2 to get the sense of the essay. It is so far from criterias of the essay.I really believe you can master for this skill. You only need providing more time to parcatice again and again