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Posts by Vakax
Joined: Apr 4, 2010
Last Post: Jun 5, 2010
Threads: 2
Posts: 50  

From: Pakistan

Displayed posts: 52 / page 2 of 2
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Vakax   
Apr 6, 2010
Undergraduate / "support and guidance" family history, culture or environment influenced who you are? [4]

Ok, so first of all that was a good attempt at trying to tackle such a vast topic.However, There are some serious problems with the essay apart from "linguistics"

How has your family history, culture or environment influenced who you are?

Break it down to the things that you have to discuss.

Family history - what type of family do you belong to? are you financially stable or not? How has this affected your growth, your childhood, your life thus far?

Culture - What culture are you are part of? Maybe you belong to a rich culture full of vibrant events and history.Maybe its religious. Maybe its unadorned. How has that shaped your personality?

Environment - Maybe you belong to a place with poor sanitation, squalid living conditions, impure drinking water (just an example) How has that made you give back to the society..Maybe you have people with special needs in your surroundings. How do you help them?

So, you see that the topic thats been given to you is practically giving a seven tiered cake for free to someone on their wedding. Its your blank canvas and you can use it however you want.. Throw in colors, add drama, add humane details...They want to know YOU..what makes you so special? How has your surrounding added to your personality?

Best of luck.
Vakax   
Apr 6, 2010
Faq, Help / Essay Forum Appreciation Thread [14]

First of all congratulations on your degree. Ok, so What was your majors in BBA? Finance?Accounting?HR? You can try out for jobs in industry or an educational setup or if you want to continue building up on your educational experience you can do an MBA. Im guessing with BBA honors you now only have to do a one year of MBA degree work...

Best of luck with your future endeavors.
Vakax   
Apr 6, 2010
Graduate / Statement of Purpose for MS admission in USA (Electrical Engineering) [6]

Thanks but im still sure there must be faaaar better writers than me out there. Its a good idea that you went through my SoP becuase i linked in my creative part with my technical side the way you are trying to do. However, be warned that lifting lines and paragraphs straight from someones SoP in your own will jeopardize your chances at the scholarship beacause they use anti-plagiarism softwares to detect if the SoPs been lifted from somewhere or not.

Best of luck with your SoP.
Vakax   
Apr 5, 2010
Scholarship / "I'm afraid to fail", essay about myself [12]

Even though i did a little correction in your SoP, i am of the opinion that it lacks that IT factor that can make it stand out from the rest of the applications. Scholarship competitions are really tough and SoP is the single most important thing that tells you apart from the rest of the pile.

You want to be a doctor...Discuss some events from your life that made you interested in pursuing a degree in medicine...I like the imagination and creativity part...Try to link that with your experiences...

Dicussing about your hobbies is good but they should gel in with the overall essay and what you are answering. Right now its like four paragraphs of i did this and this and in the last paragraph almost as a final thought you decided you wanted to write...Oh, and yeah, i want to be a doctor. Whatever!

As a first draft though, it was fine...Keep working on it.

Best of luck
Vakax   
Apr 5, 2010
Writing Feedback / IELTS essay: Topic about dependence on computers [15]

I took toefl with 30 on my writing. The key to a good essay in Toefl is to first pick a side..There are numerous things we feel torn up on... What you should do is take a minute or two to jot down key points both in favor of the topic and against it. Once you see which side you can clearly defend, stick to it no matter how much you feel compelled to touch upon the other side of the spectrum.The people checking the essays know that a topic can be written both ways...They are only looking for people who can clearly defend their point of view.

After the first step is accomplished take two or three main points that you have to discuss in two to three paragraphs...In this case one para could be about uses of computer to help students with their studies, one could be about social networking with peers in a busy life and one could be about ease to find employment online. On the vice side you can write one paragraph about negative effects of explicit sites on young minds;One about how too much online help for assignments limits a kids frame of mind as he stops to refer text books and just googles out every concept and so on...

The last paragraph should just reiterate what you said in your opening line merging in it the points you touched on the body of the essay...

Hope this helps...

Best of luck.
Vakax   
Apr 5, 2010
Writing Feedback / Essay about "My weekend". [3]

Inspired In the On weekends, some people go to visit their relatives or go shopping or even go to go on trips, but some people . Others - don't do anything. This weekend was different from any other weekends, because my family decided to go for on take a trip to the mountains and spend our day there to enjoy quality time with eachother.

Firstly, we prepared what we needed from food and drinks. Because it was in winter, we took our umbrellas and jackets. After that, we get got dressed and went to the mountain(Make it more personal..At the moment it seems like a skeleton everyone can build on. What you could do is write something like..." On our way to our destination, we sang songs to pass the time, etc") .

When we arrived to at our small house in the mountain,we put our things in the house and my mother started to unpack the food and inorder to cook. My sisters helped my mother cook while my brothers helped my father with collecting wood. we unpacked our stuff and set about to work. My brothers went with my dad to gather firewood as my sisters helped my mother cook. On the other hand, me and my little brother and sister went for an adventure to explore the place and I took my camera with me to take photos for the mountains. Meanwhile, me, my younger brother and sister went on an adventure to explore the area.(Kids often give names to these little adventures usually related to various movies or cartoons. We did atleast.) I had my camera with me and i took a lot of photographs of the mountains and plant life.When we finished our adventure my mother finished cooking and we gathered together to eat our meal and we played many games after that. When we came back from our little adventure, My mum had finished cooking, so we sat down together to enjoy a delicious meal. Afterwards, we played games together and so ended our weekend on a highnote.

This weekend was exiting for our family and we enjoyed it and hope I can go there again.

If i were to write this essay i would also mention family values, how the experience helped us in coming together as a family because on a day to day basis, life IS becoming real hectic that the only time to enjoy with eachother is on weekends.

~You are only limited by your imagination~
Vakax   
Apr 4, 2010
Graduate / Statement of Purpose for MS admission in USA (Electrical Engineering) [6]

Hi guys, i am applying for an MS scholarship. I want input on my SoP and areas i should work upon more...I want opinions on how effectively it addresses the question, How coherent it is and if the paragraphs gel together perfectly or not.

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SOP Objectives: The personal statement is a narrative statement explaining what is special, unique, distinctive, and/or impressive about you or your life story. It may include details of your life (personal or family problems, history, people or events that have shaped you or influenced your goals), explain your interest in the field you propose to study, and demonstrate that you are well-suited to this field. It should also touch on your career plans and your purpose in applying for study in the U.S.

The Personal Statement should not be a description of your resume or cv.
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Leonardo da Vinci defined the principles for the development of a complete mind thus:

"Study the science of art. Study the art of science. Develop your senses - especially learn how to see. Realize that everything connects to everything else."

I am a man of art. Surface aesthetics inspire me. I am also a man of science. To go beyond apparent beauty is my passion. I spent my early years often questioning the integration of the two. Could art and science ever form a single, coherent symphony? The answer dawned on me when, as a young student, I learned about da Vinci and his contributions to the world. My reason for quoting da Vinci is very simple. Here was a man who belonged to both religions: art and science. A polymath, his vision was the perfect marriage of beauty as the eye sees it and the structural aesthetics of how things work beneath the surface. This man was the inspiration for my desire to pursue a career in engineering- that masterful discipline where art and science are one.

As I embarked on this path in 2003, it wasn't exactly a smooth start. Complex mathematical models and recondite theories confused me. I used to reassure myself that I had made the right decision to pursue an engineering degree instead of one in art, and that I just wasn't seeing it yet. And sure enough, it was a project competition in digital design that reaffirmed my faith. We were asked to design a robotic arm. I was immediately reminded of da Vinci's 'Vitruvian Man'. This sketch exemplifies art and science and Leonardo's keen interest in proportion and it helped me in designing the proportions of my arm. As dedication, I aptly named my project "The Vitruvian Arm". That was my "eureka" moment. Even though I didn't win, I finally began to see the art behind the science: From perception to practicality. Ever since, I sought to take on more and more aesthetically complex projects like Speech Controlled robot, Magnetic Levitation and more.

October, 2005 was a year of great trial and tribulation for Pakistan. A 7.6 magnitude earthquake hit the city of Muzaffarabad and the death toll reached 79,000. My friends and I traveled up north to help people in the affected areas, and I saw that among all the other problems afflicting the people there, the most crucial ones were no power due to poorly managed electrical setups, major dependency on fossil fuels alone and no means of alternate energy incase of emergencies. Not only did this make it extremely difficult for relief workers to perform even the most basic medical procedures, it also meant that the people living in makeshift tents had no way to survive that harsh, unforgiving winter. There were reports of newborns freezing to death. Children and adults alike succumbed to pneumonia.

I returned from the trip troubled. At the time, I was in my third year at university, studying Electrical Machines, Industrial Automation, and Power Electronics. The thought of an impending energy crisis with no means of backup energy to sustain incase of a natural or forced calamity continuously nagged me. It was the basic principle of a generator - how power is created using mechanical means - that made me research further on the production of electricity. Electrical power generation using solar/tidal/wind energy is fairly common in developed countries, but in Pakistan it is still a novel concept. Also, I had read in New Scientist that engineers were trying to generate useful power from other sources like human motion and muscle activity. I started researching on energy generation and transmission and by the end of that year I knew what my final year project would be: developing wearable devices that converted energy from muscle movement into useful electrical energy that could be used to charge batteries. This was an idea already being worked upon at MIT Media Design Lab, and my project built on their design. I graduated with practical results and an A on my final year project and entered the professional world with the zeal to make original contribution for the betterment of the society.

After graduating in 2007, three years of work experience helped me narrow down my career interests. My training at ZTE (Telecom) and then Schlumberger (Oil) gave me the chance to work with some of the best professionals from around the world. The tasks assigned to me required assembling and maintaining various high-voltage-driven electrical equipment. These experiences encouraged me to delve further into the field of power while polishing my leadership and teamwork skills by working in a cross-cultural environment. My current job as a lecturer at COMSATS Institute of Information Technology in Pakistan has given me the opportunity to work in an academic environment while practically contributing to the field of electrical power. Here I have helped set up a research group for energy and power systems. The research group has taken innovative steps in renewable energy development, such as harnessing solar energy to power up a home - an ongoing project - and human motion for small-scale setups. I also assisted in the establishment of a state of the art power and machine design lab where numerous machines can be assembled and designed for an enhanced hands-on learning experience. These contributions are in addition to the courses that I have taught, including Electrical Machines and Digital Design along with the labs for Computer-Aided Drawing, Control Systems and Electrical Machines (for which I took the graduating class on study trips to various electrical grids and power plants).

All this invaluable experience has aided me in finalizing energy systems as my future focus of study - a decision that took me almost three years to make, but one I am now confident about. The existing energy crisis in Pakistan due to deficient generation capability and poor transmission infrastructure - to distribute adequate power - has also contributed to my decision of pursuing a degree in Energy and Power. A glance at the scheme of studies offered at various colleges in USA reveal a fine blend of such courses that would enable me to contribute to the energy stability in Pakistan on my return.

Everything connects to everything else. I truly feel that my inspirations and learning experiences have been interconnected, so as to bring me to the place I am now. Leonardo Da Vinci, that man who started me on my journey, was the first person to conceive the idea of harvesting energy for daily use. It is interesting that Energy systems have become my core interest. From Virtuvian man to alternate energy, this is one connection I aspire to live up to.

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Vakax   
Apr 4, 2010
Faq, Help / Is it safe to post my essay here? Or should I be worried about Plagiarism? [175]

plagiarism Issues?

Hey guys. I am applying for a Masters Scholarship and i have painstakingly written an SoP over the last two-three weeks...Its still in its final phases. I want feedback on it but the thing thats bothering me is how can i be sure that it wont be lifted? I know im prolly being paranoid but when you spend hours coining ideas you just develop an untrusting nature...Hoping this doesnt offend anyone and someone can put this uneasiness to rest...

Thanks.
Vakax   
Apr 4, 2010
Essays / How to start an admission essay about myself? [67]

I think you should start on a broader note and then narrow it down to a specific incident in your life thats relevant with the thing you are applying for... Like lets say you were good at arts when you were young...but growing up you started linking arts to science and then pursued engineering or some other thing...

A story of your life could also start off with a specific incident that totally changed your point of view about how you see things in life...how your perception altered.

Best of luck.
Vakax   
Apr 4, 2010
Student Talk / Strategy for Impressing Admissions Readers: Make up a new term or concept [15]

I really like this idea of introducing a new concept...Gives your Statement a certain edge to it. However trying to comeup with ONE word to describe what you want to is rather difficult. Im trying to comeup with something for my SoP (statement of purpose)...Im an engineer whos an artist as well...Warring religions, i know!

Thanks.

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