Undergraduate / SMU supplement short answer--why SMU? small class and student-to-faculty ratio [3]

This is my reply to the short answer question on the SMU supplement of the Common App. Please be harsh and suggest anything that would make my answer stronger. thanks in advance! =)

Topic: SMU appeals to students for a variety of reasons, including the strength of academic opportunities, small class sizes, sense of community, location and attractive campus. Please comment on how or why you feel these characteristics or others make SMU a good collegiate fit for you. (limit: 500 characters) --- my reply is 13 characters short of the limit.

SMU appeals to me like no other college does. From the aesthetic campus to the dedicated faculty, SMU offers everything I could ever dream of in a college experience. I learn best in communal and interactive environments, so SMU's small class sizes and student-to-faculty ratio of 12:1, will allow me to excel in my classes. The 32 Study Abroad Programs offered at SMU also satisfies my love for traveling and extensive study. I hope to gain from and contribute to life at SMU very soon.

Undergraduate / 'non-English-speaking Ethiopian emigrant' - UChicago supplement--why chicago? [12]

this is a very very ROUGH rough draft of the UChicago supplement. I'm not too satisfied with it and I think it could be a LOT better. so, please be harsh!! =)

Question 1. How does the University of Chicago, as you know it now, satisfy your desire for a particular kind of learning, community, and future? Please address with some specificity your own wishes and how they relate to Chicago.(1-2 paragraphs)

I have transformed from a non-English-speaking Ethiopian emigrant in 2000 to now, nearly a graduate of one of the top high schools in the United States with high honors. I have overcome many challenges and accomplished great tasks along the way, such as mastering the English language. However, my accomplishments do not stop here. The adversities I have beaten and going through the High School of Health Professions have borne in me a great determination to accomplish my goal of becoming a physician. I will continue to push myself to excel in my education and live up to my high expectations. For this reason, I strive to be in an environment with students as motivated and even more motivated than I am and professors who are passionate about what they teach; that is where the University of Chicago comes in.

The University of Chicago is without a doubt one of the most renowned and highly rated institutions for research and academic work and very unique in its teaching techniques. As a student who seeks to broaden her horizons in a variety of subjects[/3], I believe the University's Common Core would allow me to gain from a wide range of academics. My attitude towards education, similar to the University's, is that students benefit the most when they learn the tools of inquiry rather than learning facts. In addition, through the Socratic method of teaching, the University of Chicago promotes the exchange of ideas in a communal and creative atmosphere. This method, unlike instruction through lectures, relates to the style in which I learn best. My wish is to become a successful Physician and move back to my home country, and Chicago will grant me the opportunity to enhance my ability in science in order to facilitate my dream. With the abundance of study abroad programs and dozens of research centers, such as the Argonne National Laboratory, I am certain that the University of Chicago has the tools to assist me in pursuing my goal. I hope to contribute to the Chicago community as well as benefit from the many attributes it has to offer.

Undergraduate / First generation college student and hopeful doctor; SMU supplement-additional info. [4]

This is a response to the additional information part of the SMU supplement on the CommonApp. maximum 500 characters.

I will be a first generation college student and hopefully the first doctor in my family. My parents do not have the means to provide for my higher education; my commitment to pursue this education has been and will continue to be my only channel to success. This success is not only meaningful to me but also a gratification to my parents, who have made endless sacrifices to get me to where I am today. I am passionate about education, and nothing will keep me from pursuing my aspirations.

any suggestions? grammar errors?

Undergraduate / Common App significant experience:moving to America [4]

Essay Topic: Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

I've matured and grown in so many transformational ways since I first set foot on American soil on February of 2000. I was an eight year old girl thrown into an unfamiliar setting, forced to learn and adapt into a distinct culture very quickly. Mastering a new language, advancing to American teaching standards, and learning new concepts were a few of the challenges I faced as an immigrant from Ethiopia. I didn't realize it then, but this "vacation" was going to be an adventure that would change not only my life as I knew it, but also my life to come.

As soon as I started school, it became apparent to me that I needed more academic support than my peers, and I had to work harder to accomplish the same things that they did. Although I excelled in my mathematics classes, Social Studies, Reading, and, of course, English became my weak points. I was quickly admitted into an ESL class with the rest of the non-English speaking students, almost all of whom were Hispanic. The language barrier between my Spanish-speaking ESL teacher and me made it challenging to learn English. When the teacher would explain a concept to the class in Spanish, I would often miss out on important lessons. However, I was a quick learner, and more importantly, dedicated to be on the same academic level as my peers and motivated to learn the English language. So with persistence and hard work, I overcame the endeavor, and I was out of ESL classes within a year. Because I was still not an expert on the English language, school continued to be challenging for a few more years, but I knew that if I set goals and pursued them, I could accomplish anything.

One of the most memorable experiences of my childhood was in Mrs. Koch's third grade math class at Walnut Hill Elementary. Mrs. Koch had asked me to hand her the purse across the classroom. Still an amateur at the English language, I hadn't yet been introduced to the word "purse". Afraid to ask, I nonchalantly walked towards where Mrs. Koch had pointed to and grabbed the closest thing to what I thought a "purse" was. "This?" I innocently asked. "No, dear, my purse," Mrs. Koch replied. Feeling defeated and unsure of what to do, I nervously paced around the classroom in hopes of finding whatever this "purse" was. Mrs. Koch soon realized I was having trouble and guided me to the counter where the purse was placed.

The reason as to why I still remember that seemingly insignificant event in my childhood is unclear to me. However, years later, I reminisce on that experience and, I'm reminded about the lengths I've come, the obstacles I've conquered, and as a result, the achievements I've gained. I realized that no matter how unreachable my goals may seem and how far my destination may be, perseverance and determination will always get me there. Now that I had the secret to reaching my goals, I had to figure out what I would do with the most important resource America has given me, education.

Before I knew it, I graduated from sixth grade and was on my way to middle school. I was accepted to one of the top magnet schools in Dallas, H.W. Longfellow Career Academy. During the two years I spent at Longfellow, I found my passion in life to be healthcare. I was drawn to this field because the idea of saving lives greatly appealed to me. Being able to work in a profession that allows me to interact with others, make valuable health discoveries, and help people feel better is a dream of mine. But that is not enough for me. My main goal is to earn a college degree, become a successful physician, and move back to Ethiopia to build hospitals all around the many poverty-stricken areas. My parents initially moved us here so we can have the opportunity to become educated and successful human beings, but what kind of human would I be if I didn't give back to the community that raised me?

Many people in Ethiopia, including my own family, are exposed to diseases that could be fatal if not correctly treated. In America, treating a small sickness such as the flu is as easy as going to the grocery store and choosing from a variety of medicines. In Ethiopia, however, resources are limited and very expensive for most, so people die as a result of not having simple remedies we, in America, take for granted. It is my ambition to eradicate this problem by offering low cost healthcare services as well medicines to the poor communities in Ethiopia.

Moving to America has taught me that I should be thankful for being able to get up in the morning from a comfortable bed and wake up to a variety of foods practically being served to me. Some people in Ethiopia don't even have the luxury of accessing a clean toilet, something that I take for granted everyday. The countless sacrifices my parents have made to bring me to where I am today and the hurdles I've had to overcome as a young immigrant from Ethiopia will all be worth it, because I will use the resources America has given me to make a difference.

Any suggestions?
thanks in advance! =)

Undergraduate / I am a devout Muslim, but it was not always that way... University of Chicago Extended Essay [7]

this is one of the required essays for the university of chicago.

the prompt is: How did you get caught? (Or not caught, as the case may be.)

Islam is not just a part of my life; it is my life. What I eat, how I dress, my behavior, and all other aspects of my life revolve around the teachings of Islam. I am proud to say that I am a devout Muslim, but I was not always that way.

When I was in seventh grade, it was that time when my parents were starting to expect more of me now that I was growing up and maturing. Ramadan--the month in which Muslims fast from dawn to sunset--was just around the corner. This would be the first year that I would attempt to fast all thirty days consecutively.

Still young, I had not yet realized the true meaning of fasting; I was just doing it because my parents told me to. So when my Spanish class was planning a field trip to an art museum followed by lunch at Cici's Pizza, my only concern was how I would eat at the field trip without my parents catching me. After assuring my parents I could handle being at Cici's while fasting, I deliberately disobeyed them. I was nervous about violating their trust, but once we arrived at Cici's, the enticing aroma of cheese pizza settled any feeling of anxiety I originally had. I stuffed myself until I could not eat another bite.

When I realized how simple it was to cheat on my fasting behind my parents' backs, I was not hesitant to do it again. This time, my school was hosting an ice cream party for all students awarded with A Honor Roll. When we were called out of class for the party, I followed the other students to the cafeteria, sat with a group of friends, and shamelessly enjoyed the vanilla ice cream.

The following day, as I was walking towards the auditorium for the morning assembly, I was stopped in my tracks by what I saw on the bulletin board: pictures of the A Honor Roll Ice Cream Party, one of which was of me holding a cone of vanilla ice cream. I was terrified that my brother, who was in eighth grade at the time, would see the picture as he walked in and snitch on me. I wanted to rip the evidence off the wall and destroy it, but what if someone saw me?

Out of options and unsure of what to do, I went inside the auditorium and sat down, shifting nervously in my seat. Seconds later, my fear came true; I turned to find my brother staring straight at my picture with a stunned look on his face. He spotted me and angrily headed my direction. "You ate!" he exclaimed, pointing to the picture on the bulletin board. "No, I was just..." The only story I could contrive was that I was pretending to eat the ice cream so I would not be told to leave the party. Of course, my brother did not fall for my pathetic excuse, and he stormed off and snatched the picture off the wall. Now he had proof to show my mother.

When we arrived home from school, my brother quickly informed my mother of his allegations against me, and I had to confront a very unhappy and disappointed woman. "Did you eat in Ramadan?" she questioned me. I was speechless. She repeated the question with more assertion. Deciding that concealing the truth would just worsen the situation, I quietly confessed. My mother also asked me whether I had actually fasted the day of the field trip or pulled the same trick. I decided to admit my mistake, thinking it could not get any worse. After a ten minute lecture, I was grounded for the rest of Ramadan, which was about two weeks. Afraid to get caught and be punished again, I attentively fasted the remaining days of Ramadan.

Getting grounded and being lectured at trained me not to lie to my parents, but it never taught me the reason behind fasting. As I grew older and wiser, I would come to learn that fasting is one of the five pillars of Islam, and it is our duty as Muslims to obey and follow these commandments. Ramadan is also a month of self-purification and spiritual attainment for Muslims. Now that I understand this, I fast only for the sake of God, not my parents. When I reminisce on this somewhat embarrassing experience, I realize two things. I had really lousy lying skills, and over the past few years, I have evolved both intellectually and spiritually.