Writing Feedback / Super Rod - Essay about a super hero, I have a plot. [4]

The biggest thing I can see with your essay is your tense confusion; you started out in past tense, switched to present tense, and then fell back intermittently into past tense. Choose a tense and stick to it all the way through an essay consistently.

The plot is a scheme or plan to do something; neither the electrocution or the allergy is your plot here. The closest thing you have to a plot is his love for restoring the old cars to help teenagers.

I hope this helps you.

Book Reports / My intro on comparative essay using King Lear and The Tempest [5]

Good evening :)

Since this topic is specific to your course content, I suggest beginning with an internet search using keywords such as "King Lear" and "physical, spiritual journey." You can also contact your college or academic advisor, as they may be able to connect you with study groups that know more about your specific topic.

Once you have written your essay, feel free to post it here and I can help you organize and edit it.

Good luck!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Book Reports / The Lion, the witch and the wardrobe Essay. [3]

Good afternoon :)

I suggest starting out with an outline. You can use each of your literary techniques as main pillars to support the rest of your essay. An outline skeleton can look like this:

THESEIS STATEMENT/INTRODUCTION

I. MAIN IDEA/TOPIC (Allusion, for example)
A. SUPPORTING DETAIL/FACT (why is this technique important to the work?)
i) SUPPORTING RESEARCH CITED FROM TEXT (examples, one at a time, of how the author used allusion throughout the text)

II. MAIN IDEA/TOPIC (Symbolism, for example)
A. SUPPORTING DETAIL/FACT (why is this technique important to the work?)
i) SUPPORTING RESEARCH CITED FROM TEXT (examples, one at a time, of how the author used symbolism throughout the text)

III. MAIN IDEA/TOPIC (Setting, for example)
A. SUPPORTING DETAIL/FACT (why is this technique important to the work?)
i) SUPPORTING RESEARCH CITED FROM TEXT (examples, one at a time, of how the author used setting throughout the text)

CONTINUE THIS PATTERN UNTIL ALL OF YOUR MAIN POINTS ARE INCLUDED.

CONCLUSION

WORKS CITED PAGE

Start with your main pillars first, then work your way out; don't do your thesis/introduction until absolutely last. While working on this first draft, don't worry about punctuation, grammar, and spelling. Instead focus on content; what do you absolutely want to include in your paper? What is vital for your reader to know? Don't assume your reader knows too much, that will lead to you leaving large holes throughout the essay because you think they know what you are talking about when they don't, leading to confusion. Give yourself plenty of time, and brainstorm throughout to create new ideas.

I hope this helps you get started.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Essays / Essay about a trapped room; Need help to start / theme [8]

Good luck!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Essays / I have some questions: Old and middle english literature. Poetry & history [4]

Good luck!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Essays / I have some questions: Old and middle english literature. Poetry & history [4]

Good evening :)

It sounds like you need to do some research. Because these questions are in regards to your specific course content, I suggest beginning with internet searches including your keywords; try your questions in strings just as you wrote them here. You can also check with your university or your academic advisor and they may be able to connect you with study groups that specialize in this topic.

As for examples showing you how to organize them, you can search here under "Educational Essays and Articles." I don't know if you will find anything specific to this exact topic, but there are some good essays posted there. I suggest grouping like questions together in successive paragraphs so that the essay flows well; try not to get all of your topic questions strung out through the essay.

I hope this helps you get started.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Essays / Essay about a trapped room; Need help to start / theme [8]

Good evening.

Well, it sounds like your imagination is going to be your best tool here. You could begin off with how your person got in the room to begin with. Next you will just have to imagine what their feelings are. What kind of person are they? Are they brave and heroic, or frightened and cowardly? Do they know how they got in the room, or not? Are they able to figure a way out, or not?

Begin by setting a timer for 10 minutes, and spend this time brainstorming what kind of person your character is, and what kind of situation got them into this room. Write down anything that comes to mind. Next, set the timer for 10 more minutes and brainstorm how this type of person would feel under these circumstances; again, writing down anything that comes to mind. Since your essay sounds like it is supposed to spend most of its time describing how the person feels, you might end up spending more time on this section.

Once you've got your brainstorming finished, you can begin to piece the story together. Don't worry about spelling, grammar, and punctuation until way later; focus first on developing your character and explaining how they are feeling.

Good luck!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Essays / Essay about a trapped room; Need help to start / theme [8]

Good afternoon :)

What is the purpose of the essay? Are you supposed to persuade someone that being in a trapped room is positive/negative? Are you to argue the pros/cons of being in a trapped room? Are you to describe a time you were trapped in a room? Are you to describe the emotions one might feel upon being trapped in a room? Are you to describe claustrophobia? Is this a creative piece? Who is your audience? Taking your purpose and audience into consideration will help you get started on your essay. First figure out why you are writing the piece and who you are writing it for; if you are writing for someone who has been trapped in a room before you will have to construct your piece differently if you are writing it to someone who has never been in that situation.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Book Reports / Could someone proofread my essay on Juxtaposition in Hamlet [2]

I suggest sitting down with what you already have and working out an outline to get more organized; right now your flow is very choppy and it is hard for the reader to stay with you. Make sure you are talking about things that are alike in one paragraph, and then complete all of your thoughts about that one thing before you move onto your next thought.

In your outline, start by writing down the main things you want to talk about in your essay. It seems like you want to talk about how contrast works as a theme throughout the whole work and support that idea with examples from the text. Start out with your first main idea being something like examples of contrast in character's personalities. Your next main topic could be examples of contrast in character's soliloquies. Your third could be contrast between dialogue and setting, and so on until you are sure you've got all the main points down you want to tell your reader about. Once you have those, go ahead and list all of the evidence that supports your main point (personalities); explain how Hamlet and Ophelia are different; how Hamlet's uncle/stepfather is different than his biological father, etc. until you have listed everything you want to use to support your thought. Next, gather all of the examples you have found that show contrast in the character's talk and speech; for the third topic, gather all of your evidence that shows contradicting speech with settings (the gravediggers' discussion in the graveyard).

This will help you get all of your thoughts rounded up, and as you work through this organization, you will find other examples that will help strengthen each of your arguments.

I hope this helps.

Research Papers / Abolish the death penalty!; Reasearch on DEATH PENALTY [4]

Good morning :)

Writing is not a linear process; with that said, it is very difficult to start at the beginning and work strictly to the end, as if you were driving from point "A" to point "B". You have some good base information; I suggest forming an outline that you can fill in as you progress. Remember when you are writing, the main point is to impart information to your audience, not to make nonsense look good. Here is a suggestion of what I mean:

THESIS STATEMENT/TOPIC SENTENCE (SAVE THIS FOR LAST)

I. MAIN IDEA/CONCEPT 1
A. FACT/SUPPORTING DETAIL FOR MAIN IDEA/CONCEPT 1
i) RESEARCH SUPPORTING FACT/DETAIL/MAIN IDEA/CONCEPT 1

II. MAIN IDEA/CONCEPT 2
A. FACT/SUPPORTING DETAIL FOR MAIN IDEA/CONCEPT 2
i) RESEARCH SUPPORTING FACT/DETAIL/MAIN IDEA/CONCEPT 2

REPEAT THIS PATTERN FOR THE REMAINDER OF YOUR CONTENT

CONCLUSION/WRAP UP

The main topics are the pillars of your essay; they are the supports, the main things your reader absolutely must know from your essay. Don't assume your audience knows anything; taking their knowledge for granted will lead you to leave large, gaping holes through the thoughts in your essay. Writing is a process of concentric circles; start in the middle with your main thoughts, then work to each fact/supporting detail, and then bring in your research; once your body is complete, wrap it up with a short conclusion, and save your thesis statement and introduction for last. After all, how can you write a thesis statement for a paper that hasn't been written yet?

During your rough and 2nd draft, don't pay much attention to grammar, spelling, etc.; concentrate on getting your thoughts and good information worked in. Also, don't worry about your length right off; as you go along you will find more interesting research and anecdotes that will "beef up" the body length. Use time to brainstorm and envision where you want your paper to go before you ever write a word. Save all of your mechanical concerns for the very end.

I hope this helps you get started; feel free to post as many times throughout this process as you need.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Topic 3: Any form of education other than co-education... [3]

Good afternoon.

Over 25% of this essay is plagairized from .enfang.com/english/2006-04/107.htm; as this site is copyrighted, I can only advise you to go back and rewrite the copied sections in your own words.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Undergraduate / My smart choice ; " Whay are you applying for AUC?" [2]

Try using the full title of the university as much as possible, and the abbreviation only minimally; this increases the formality of your essay, showing your respect for the university. You do a good job describing the reasons you want to attend the campus, and in great detail. Spend a little time explaining what area of study you intend on attending, and why the university fulfills your specific academic goals; this will ensure those reading your essay that you are a good fit for the school, and vice versa.

Graduate / Graduate School personal statement for Masters in Philosophy [3]

If you can, try and emphasize your specific accomplishments from your undergraduate career. What clubs or extracurricular activities were you a part of? Did you do volunteer work at all? Did you assist professors? Anything like that would expand your qualifications for this particular program. The same goes for your research interests. Try and outline for them exactly what it is you are interested in researching. Do you have a specific situation you are interested in? How would you like to go about conducting said research? Again, the more details you can give them, the more favorably they will look upon you because you are showing that you are a responsible, organized student serious about contributing to the academic community.

Writing Feedback / Ban Smoking - Help critique my controversial/ethics essay [2]

You have made a very important observation; very frequently writers do reread a work the way they "intended" it; if there's ever a time that you can't get someone else to read it for you, my advice is to walk away and leave it alone for a day. When you return to read it it will be with fresh eyes that have had a break.

Writing Feedback / "Before Breakfast," Drama Essay [2]

Good morning :)

You have a good rough draft so far. You support your viewpoints with the text. It flows well so far, your hook is good, and you develop the point you make it it nicely.

As you continue, make sure your main focus stays on what you want your reader to know; don't get sidetracked by format and syntax yet in the first draft, as you can always do that later. Get in everything you want to say first. What is the focus of your essay? Are you writing an analysis or critique of the work?

Nice work!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Research Papers / Single-Sex Education Persuasive Research Paper [3]

Good morning :)

Your grammer is good throughout this essay, but there are some punctuation errors. When you quote something with quotation marks or through an inline citation with ellipses, the period always goes on the outside of the marks or the outside of the ellipse. For instance, "...children, leads to higher achievement." (Downs Par.2) While..." should be "...children, leads to higher achievement" (Downs Par.2). While..."

"...roughly fifteen percent. (NASSPE. Par.1). This..." should be "...roughly fifteen percent (NASSPE. Par.1). This..."

"... often grossly distorts the data to make a point."(24)" should be ""... often grossly distorts the data to make a point" (24). "

"An article on MSNBC's website written by the Associated Press in October of 2006 claims, "The Bush administration is giving pubic schools wider latitude to teach boys and girls separately in what is considered the biggest change to coed classrooms in more than three decades" (Par.1). "

"The lack of academic evidence, the faulty claims of success, and the promotion of sexual segregation is enough to make most turn away from single-sex institutions."

"...right to organize, prepare, and execute an..."

"To take that away and regress to the 1950's..."

Also, refrain from using contractions in academic texts; you use "it's" and "wouldn't"; these should be fully written out; "is not", "would not".

Check with your required citation style in regards to how to format titles; some styles would require Opposing Viewpoints: Education to be enclosed in quotation marks, while others require it be italicized.

What purpose did your instructor assign for this essay? Is it to be persuasive, an opinion piece, or just research? You have a good essay here; it is very informative, and you support your assertions with quality research. I thought your closing summed up your essay nicely; it rephrased what you wrote and reasserted your stance on the issue. There is an appropriate amount of irony in your title, which continues throughout your essay easily. Your flow between paragraphs is smooth, and your thesis statement coincides with your content. I think you've done fine work. When do you have to turn this in? If you can afford to, step away from it for a day. You are rereading your "mediocre" essay through eyes that have probably been "at it" for numerous days in a row; give it a break and come back to it with refreshed eyes. You'll be able to see it more clearly then.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / 'household computers and internet' - Causal Analysis [2]

Good morning :)

Adding examples and/or details is always a good way to "beef up" an essay; just make sure they are concise and relevant to your points.You have good details about why these two sites are so popular; you could add your thoughts on why these young people decide to express themselves online rather than other ways. Does it offer a "safe distance", in that they can detach themselves from their profiles when they want to? Is the online community less judgmental than their peers? You could also explore a little bit of the history of these pages; how did they first appear? What were their original goals? You write "Teens have been known to spend anywhere from a few minutes a day to five or six hours on MySpace, editing their profiles, posting bulletins and pictures, along with listening to music and watching videos." Do you think this is healthy?

You've got a good start here, keep up the good work!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Essays / An outline about SOFTBALL VS. BASEBALL [4]

Good morning :)

Well, the rough skeleton of an outline should look something like this:

THESIS STATEMENT/INTRODUCTION
I. MAIN POINT
a) Supporting detail/fact
i) Example illustrating main point I
b) Supporting detail/fact
i) Example illustrating main point I

II. MAIN POINT
a) Supporting detail/fact
i) Example illustrating main point II
b) Supporting detail/fact
i) Example illustraing main point II

III. MAIN POINT
a) Supporting detail/fact
i) Example illustrating main point III
b) Supporting detail/fact
i) Example illustraing main point III

REPEAT AS NECESSARY

CONCLUSION

Now, you can using comparisons as your main points and contrasts as your supporting details or facts if you'd like, or you can use a comparison as a main point, then a contrasting, then a comparison, then a contrast, etc. for the duration of the essay, supporting the appropriate details and facts as you go along.

I suggest starting out by doing the body of the outline first. Figure out what you really want to say, and then we'll figure out how to format it later. What you say is more important than how the paper looks when you are finished; think content not cosmetic.

Once you know what the main points are that you'd like to touch on, (differences in the way the field is set up, player positions, rules, etc.) then jot down a quick fact that supports that main idea (the field is set up as such-and-such, etc.) then provide an example of that (an example of this can be seen at such-and-such stadium; they have this, that, and the other). Then move on to the next point, working your way through as many main points as you need.

Leave your thesis statment until last, because you won't know what you've written about until you've written it :); then bring up the rear with a conclusion, tying your thesis into your body in a nice little bundle.

I hope this helps you get started!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Book Reports / Essay on Hamlet - Ophelia as a victimized woman. [2]

Good morning :)

You have a very well structured and organized essay here. Your opinions are evidenced and supported by the text, giving them substance. I only have a few suggestions. First, in regards to format, check with your required citation style; some require that the lines from the poem be enclosed in quotation marks. Best to make sure so you don't get knocked down for not adhering to the citation format. Second, make sure there is a line between your paragraph and the text.

Grammar, Usage / Percent question: Is it correct? [4]

Good morning :)

You must be using the APA reference style; in that case, all numbers contained in mathematical functions and/or formulas (including percentages) should be written as numerals. If you are writing in another reference style, those rules will change; since you didn't specify in your last post, it is difficult for me to tell which you are using, hence my reference to a "general rule of thumb".

Regards,
Gloria,
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Grammar, Usage / Percent question: Is it correct? [4]

Good morning :)

1) Should be: "rate of 2 percent"
2) Should be: "Label is typically only thirty to fifty percent

The general rule of thumb is that if it is under ten, you can use the numeral; if it is ten or over, write out the words.

Hope this helps!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Essays / Paper on Queen Elizabeth (I have a thesis statement) [5]

This one flows much nicer; I did remove some unnecessary commas:

"Known for her endorsement of the arts, Queen Elizabeth I rose throguh the ashes of her sister's reign to sit on the throne as one of England's most successful and beloved rulers. Despite a childhood that osillated from that of a doted on heir to a bastard neglected in the fray of her father's new marriages, she flourished into a stunningly well-rounded and captivating individual."

Good work!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Essays / Paper on Queen Elizabeth (I have a thesis statement) [5]

Good morning :)

You've got a good start here; how about this:

"Known for her endorsement of the arts, the childhood of Queen Elizabeth l vassilated(I believe the word you are searching for here is "vacillate", which means to hesitate; is that an appropriate description of her childhood? If her childhood was far from luxurious, you could say, "...Elizabeth I was cushioned with anything but the pompous surroundings one would expect from a pampered heir; instead it was closer to the dilapidation and neglect reserved for the bastard child of her father's new marriages.) A stunningly well-rounded and captivating individual, she rose through the ashes of her sister's reign to sit on the throne as one of E ngland's most successful and beloved rulers ."

I hope this helps!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Learning something new is always challenging to many of us - the same applies to a foreign language [3]

"Learning something new is always challenging to many of us since it takes great effort and time. Learning a new language is no different; in fact, it can be a most difficult task one could take on. There are some unique aspects which make this learning experience difficult.

Phonological differences are one of these unique challenges . In other words, the student should be aware of the differences in the system of sounds between the mother tongue and the new language. There are some sounds that do exist in one language but not in the other language. For instance, Korean does not have the sounds "f" or "r", while English does. As a result, Korean learners may have a struggle to create "r" or "f" sounds in English English since there are no equivalent sounds in Korean. (You could insert something here regarding this as being the source of accents in many ESL students/learners. )

In addition to phonetics , one should learn the new structure of the language including grammar, word usage, and word order so as to use it effectively. The English language system has almost no similarities with the Korean one. For instance, English has the "SVO" structure; S stands for a subject, V for a verb and O for an object word order (It's not so much a word order (subjects do not always come first, immediately followed by a verb, then the object bringing up the rear: example: That tree was Sally's favorite as a child. It is more of a "sentence structure" because it is a basic formula to create a sentence around (each sentence must contain a subject, verb, and object in order to be complete), instead of first, second, third placement order for specific words.) while Korean has SOV one I suggest clarifying this passage because it is confusing; add examples of what you are illustrating to help your reader. Give them a SVO sentence to compare with the Korean SOV; otherwise, it is easy to get lost here.) . Thus, it could be quite challenging for Korean native speaker learning English to make sure every time they obey the rules of the English language when uttering English sentences.

A lack of chances to practice the new language outside the classroom is another of the difficult aspects in learning a language. Especially, in EFL (What does this mean? If your audience will unequivocally know what this means, leave it as an abbreviation. If there is a chance any of your audience members will not know, go ahead and give the full title, followed by the abbreviation. For instance, "When in the classroom, English as a second language students, or ESL students, will frequently...") circumstances where the new language is rarely used in a real life, students do not have need to learn a new language in order to survive . Simply speaking, they find no reasons to learn a new language. Due to a lack of motivation, students do not really try hard to learn a new language. That is why learning a new language is thought of as a difficult task."

Good work here!

Essays / Propaganda Critique - how to get started on this assignment? [7]

Good morning :)

A thesis statement is a sentence or two that makes an overall declaration regarding your stance that you will be writing about. It is a condensed version of your paper; sometimes it offers an answer to a question; other times it chooses a side in an argument. No matter what, it clearly explains your stance on your topic.

An example could be, "Children should not be placed on psychotropic medication, no matter how extreme their condition is." This tells my reader my stance on a topic, and gives them a good idea what my paper is going to be about.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Book Reports / King Lear's - some questions [2]

2) Lear;s sympathetic value emerges when his ego is crushed by the ignorance of Goneril and Regan. When Lear ends up realizing he is no longer a commander but in a sense a follower, he becomes (Poignant means able to move others' feelings; is this what you meant? It doesn't fit very well; how about "benignant" or "merciful" to explain how he softened as a person.) . After observing his daughters' actions, he is able to take into account the way he was prideful. To see Goneril refuse his request when Learasked for shelter, allowed him to see how it feels to be belittled. Lear hid behind his thrown so he could appear as powerful, rather than sympathetic. But when he was hit with reality, he comprehend that being prideful results in devastation, but when your able to show devotion, happiness surrounds you. Very nice comparison.

3) Lear likes the idea of being a father and being a K ing, but he is not fond of the duties that come along with the title . His pride causes him ignore the differences between the obligations of a father and the reasonability of a K ing. To him they are both equally weighed, since it makes him look better How? . When his power of being a K ing is taken awayLet's rewrite this to something less wordy, like "When his title as King was stripped away...") Then what? You haven't finished this sentence; we have the "who", now we need the "what". ,and given to Goneril and Regan. It allows him to see that the authority of a K ing cannot compare to the beauty of being a father. "

Good job!

Writing Feedback / How did Juno Beach on D-Day effect Canada? [3]

Good afternoon.

If your essay is not as lengthy as you need it to be, I suggest adding some more details about the battles you mention in your essay. Try doing an internet search using keywords such as "Battle of the Atlantic", "Canada and D-Day", or "Canada, Battle at Juno Beach". These searches should bring up more detailed information that will make your essay more substantial. You have a good outline with some good main points, but you need further examples and details to support your assertions.

Good luck!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Essays / Propaganda Critique - how to get started on this assignment? [7]

Good afternoon.

I suggest using an outline to help you get started with this essay. First list your main points that you want to make in your essay. You probably want to use individual propaganda strategies for this part, as that is what your instructor has directed. Once you have listed those, under each one list examples of your main point. You can include things such as imagery in the ads and tone here. The next step is to list other supporting details from the ads that will bolster your main points; bogus claims or the target audience for exmaple. I suggest working on two seperate outlines, one for each ad; as we work towards a final draft we can merge the two together.

Your outline skeleton should look something like this:

THESIS STATEMENT
INTRODUCTION
I. MAIN PILLAR/IDEA 1
a.) First example
i) First supporting detail of how first example supports main pillar/idea 1
b.) Second example
ii) Second supporting detail of how second example supports main pillar/idea 2
CONTINUE AS LONG AS NECESSARY

II. MAIN PILLAR/IDEA 2
a.) First example
i) First supporting detail of how first example supports main pillar/idea 1
b.) Second example
ii) Second supporting detail of how second example supports main pillar/idea 2
CONTINUE AS LONG AS NECESSARY

III. MAIN PILLAR/IDEA 3
a.) First example
i) First supporting detail of how first example supports main pillar/idea 1
b.) Second example
ii) Second supporting detail of how second example supports main pillar/idea 2
CONTINUE AS LONG AS NECESSARY

CONCLUSION/ENDING STATEMENT

BIBLIOGRAPHY/WORKS CITED PAGE, IF REQUIRED

I hope this helps you get started.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Three defining moments in Canadian history - History Argumentative Essay [2]

I'd say probbly a 9 or 9.5; you've got good research and good organization. If you fix the few mechanics, you'll be in great shape! Don't forget a bibliography or works cited page on your final draft.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Poetry / "You broad my eyes," -my first poem [5]

Good morning :)

This is very good! You have clear language and tone, and the meter of your first stanza is great: 5-4-5-4. The second stanza's meter strays a little, 4-6-5-4. It looks as if you are trying for iambic pentameter, and that is what makes the first stanza work so well. Think about reversing the iambic pentameter and turning the second stanza into a 4-5-4-5 pattern; this is close to what you already have, so it might be realtively easy. For instance, the second stanza could be rearranged as:

"You turn around (4)
and say, "I'm a cheat"; (5)
I know that's wrong, (4)
as I close the door."

Or something to that effect.

Nice work!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / A new challenge in my forties as an English teacher [2]

You have the beginnings of a very good essay here, though it is a little discombobulated :). Let's work on structure first.

Your first sentence should be a hook into what you are talking about. Your first sentence, "About two weeks have already passed since the entrance" is interesting because we don't know what you are entering. By referring to the woman as an "instructor" we can assume you have entered a college, but the next exchange is confusing. She advises you not to speak Korean, and it seems like you are at a Korean university; why does she not want you to speak Korean while you are there? This is something that you do not explain fully in this essay, but it seems to be a very important element of the text. Are you in some kind of English immersion program? If so, please explain that to your readers within the first few sentences of your opening paragraph.

You do a good job of capturing the spirit of your campus, explaining how your drama and debate classes are conducted, along with detailing for us the rigors of your homework. You have a good conclusion, attaching it back to the beginning of your essay, referring again to the woman of the Oak Hall; this ties the text up in a nice package.

Book Reports / The Pigman Book Report Help [11]

Good morning :)

Sometimes writing about something we are just not interested in is difficult. The important thing is that you gave it a try; after all, we only get better at something if we work on it. I look forward to your future postings.

We try to remove long posts to save on space and confusion; also, many members like their work being removed once it is completed, so we try to accommodate as best we can.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / New Government's Policy on English Education [2]

Good morning :)

Thank you for posting your essay. What kind of feedback do you need?

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Book Reports / "A friend in power is a friend loss" - The stone angel essay [2]

Good morning :)

In regards to your opening statement, you don't necessarily have to "link" your introduction to your essay. An opening statement is meant to interest your readers, and quotes often do that. You can refer back to this quote later in your essay and explain why you think it is relevant to your essay, but you don't have to do so immediately.

What reference style are you required to use? (MLA, APA, etc.)

"Even though Lottie and Hagar are no longer friends, Hagar still makes a smart..."
Change "smart" to "uncouth", "uncivilized", or "coarse"

"...but chooses to ignore them, since she believes she is too good for them."
"...but chooses to ignore them, displaying haughty self-importance."

"...considering her social status is superior over Hagar."
"...considering she was of a higher social class than Hagar."

"...this represents her envy towards Lottie, due to her marrying a better man than Bram."
"...this illustrates her being envious of Lottie, because she married a classier man."

"This event suggests Lottie is no longer sorrowful, but by her treasuring the eggs, it clearly establishes, she treasures her life. By Hagar selling the eggs to Lottie, it becomes visible that Lottie is triumph in their battle, since Hagar was inferoir, having to sell the eggs to Lottie"

"This event suggests that Lottie no longer sorrowful; by treasuring the eggs it is clearly established that she treasures her life. The act of Hagar selling the eggs to Lottie illustrates that Lottie has won their battle, proving that Hagar was inferior, which is shown by her having to sell the eggs to Lottie."

"...between both women amplifies. They appear as opponents, always targeting one another. Hagar becomes..."
"...between both women becomes amplified; they appear as opponents, always targeting one another. Hagar becomes..."

"This suggest Hagar is still concerned with how Lottie feels towards her."
"This shows that Hagar is still concerned with Lottie's feelings towards her."

"At this point, both woman are depicted as fat, worried about their children, both devious, and cleverly competitive."
"Both women are now depicted as fat, worrisome, devious, and cleverly competitive."

"...for a sense of support..."
..."for support..."

"...established was no longer..."
"...established no longer existed..."

"...sense of peace..."
"...them in peace."

"...Hagar Shipley and are family, as wells as her friends..."
"Hagar Shipley, her family, and friends."

"...could be like."
"...they could be."

"When they finally realize how much in common they have, its too late to establish a friendship they lost."
"By the time these two women finally realize how much they have in common, it is too late to establish a friendship; the opportunity has already been lost."

Keep up the good work!

Book Reports / The Pigman Book Report Help [11]

Do you see any similarities between the Pigman and his wife's figurines that could serve as symbols? For instance, is there one that has a lonely expression on its face that is reflected in the face and life of the Pigman? As for the opportunity to explain why he is different than others, what makes you think so? This point in the essay would be a good place to insert some more analysis about the Pigman's character.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Quality or characteristic that helps be a good parent - my 1st Formal Essay [3]

Good evening!

In regards to your questions about the forum, it is kind of a mixture. There are other students who post assistance on the forums; but as for myself, I have taught English literuature and writing at various levels of academia, elementary through college levels. I have a bachelor's and a master's degree, and currently teach literature at a college. When you post something here, depending on what you need, I can help guide you through conducting research, help with structure, and writing mechanics.

You have a very good essay here; just a few mechanical corrections, and you're well on your way! Nice work!

Book Reports / The Pigman Book Report Help [11]

Good evening!

It has been awhile since I've read this text, but does the author describe the figurines in any way? If so, do their likenesses symbolize the Pigman in any way? I believe this is what the criticism in the first paragraph is referring to.

Again with the "dying potential" phrase; at first glance it is misleading. How about changing it to something like, "His fading potential" or "His waning potential in life". This might clear up some of the confusion.

I agree that you can use the opportunity in the second period in regards to explaining the Pigman's uniquenesses and how he's unlike others; this could provide an opening for you to explain more symbolism.

Since it was his wife that collected the pigs, can you compare them to her in any way? If so, what kind of an impact did this have in the Pigman?

Using transitions (however, next, overall, etc.) will help you link up your paragraphs and improve flow; some research into others' analysis of the story would not hurt either. Do an internet search using "The Pigman" and "critical analysis" or "symbols and themes" and see what you can come up with. You might be surprised at how much others' ideas can stimulate your own.

Keep up the good work!

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Book Reports / "Marriage is the voluntary union of two people"; Thousand Splendid Suns Essay [6]

Good morning.

It is difficult for me to edit an essay of this length without proper citations; for instance, I do not want to have to worry about whether or not I am correcting a direct quote (because those need to stay exactly as you found them in the text). Once those citations are intact, I can edit for mechanics and grammar; you don't need to re-post the entire essay, just edit the previous one with the citations. What type of reference style are you required to use? This is of importance in regards to the format of your in-text citations.

In regards to the requirements your teacher has set forth, I do not see any contrasting elements in the paragraphs; you have supported your observations with excerpts from the text, but you have not contrasted it with anything else; you detail how the author illustrates real life scenarios, but there is no contrast. If your teacher only requires one element, that is OK; but, if he/she requires both, make sure you are including that contrasting element. Also, you make reference to many "real life" situations; make sure if you are taking those situations from other authors, that you are correctly citing those as well; if they are from first hand knowledge (i.e. experiences you have gone through) you need to indicate that as well.

As far as the conclusion, perhaps you could not spend so much time giving your opinion of the work, but instead use the time to give a quick summary of what made this text valuable. For instance, you write, "Women have had a rough time in Afghanistan and Khaled Hosseini's A Thousand Splendid Suns shows the struggles women had to go through in Marriage, Education, and the restrictions imposed by the Taliban ... The women were treated like animals in Afghanistan and Khaled Hosseini's interpretation represents a vividly accurate portrayal." Keep that and expand upon it; leave off your opinion of the text, as it does not seem that your instructor is interested in an opinion piece. Expand upon the specific situations you have noted earlier that illustrate how they were treated and how you compared it to real life. A conclusion tells us what you have already told us; make sure that what you are telling us is what your instructor is asking for.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Research Papers / six sigma applications in tyre industry [6]

Good morning!

I suggest starting your research by conducting an internet search using keywords such as "Six Sigma" and "tyre/tire industry"; this should bring up some preliminary information that can help you get started. You can also search for peer reviewed journals relevant to the Six Sigma management program, and then apply those tactics to your industry of choice by identifying problem areas in the industry and illustrating how you would use the program to correct them.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com

Book Reports / "Marriage is the voluntary union of two people"; Thousand Splendid Suns Essay [6]

Good evening!

Your essay is very thought provoking; that said, it does not pass the plagiarism checker. Refer to your required reference style to ensure that you are properly citing ANYTHING that is not 100% your own original work, both in-text and in a "Works Cited" page or bibliography at the end. Once you have done that, I can edit it for grammar and mechanics.

Regards,
Gloria
Moderator, EssayForum.com