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Posts by pcvrz34g
Joined: Sep 19, 2009		 Last Post: Oct 30, 2016
Threads: 22
Posts: 116  

Displayed posts: 138 / page 4 of 4
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pcvrz34g   
Sep 20, 2009
Undergraduate / Helping my mom fight for her life - obstacle, bump - criticism you may have [4]

I'm pretty sure you have a really really short character limit, and considering that, this is pretty good. I would agree with SeeHerFly, but due to the character limit, I don't think you can really do much with it.. But it's pretty good, I think. Maybe you should talk more on what you learned than what you loathed to present positive qualities about you.
pcvrz34g   
Sep 20, 2009
Undergraduate / Overcoming Domestic Violence - UC Transfer App [8]

It's really strong and good. No criticism. Verbs are forceful and so is the syntax. The style is really approraite. In my personal opinion, I think the trasition is good enough to allow the readers to understand. But that's just me.

I just realized both of our essays went form 3rd to 1st person. Great minds think alike!
pcvrz34g   
Sep 20, 2009
Undergraduate / Common App - Influential Person (my dad) [3]

My dad has been called many things;: a crook, a scammer orand even a bum, but to me, he is something different. To me, he is an inspiration. Through all of his ups and downs, he has shown me howwho I should not be and how I should not act.

When he first came to the country, he made sure to put my

Before he brought my mom over, he had

re read and check your grammar.

Your words are very colloquial. Choose better diction to make your essay more vivid.

It's a good start (:
pcvrz34g   
Sep 20, 2009
Undergraduate / Rice U Essay - My Passion for Change [3]

The essay is really good. Shows what community service you've done, but maybe you should extend a little more on how it'll contribute to Rice. Afterall, the essay asks you to write about how you'll contribute to Rice than what you did.
pcvrz34g   
Sep 20, 2009
Undergraduate / FSU CARE Program Essay; Frank Lloyd Wright once said... [7]

I think it's really good. I can't think of any bad comments to say..

One thing: They had saved up enough money to pay for my first four years in college, but then my father lost his job. Just when they saved enough money to pay for my first four years of college, my father lost his job.

I just don't like the phrase "but then"
pcvrz34g   
Sep 20, 2009
Undergraduate / Yale Supplement Essay - My Little Sculptors (tentative title) [6]

I have to disagree with the people who wrote comments for this...
I actually like the essay. I say keep the first paragraph and the spanish because it serves to give background information and to describe your ethnic background respectively. I like it.
pcvrz34g   
Sep 20, 2009
Undergraduate / World you came from, personality - UC Prompt #1 & #2 [7]

I like your second one. Shows qualities about you.

Feel free to disagree but I feel like your first essay's topic is very.. common. But then again, I know that in a life of simplicity, it's hard to find a really unique topic to write about. The essay itself is good though. If you're going to keep the topic, I think you should write more about how they inspired you. It seems like the point of your essay is to build credentials that you're a good student rather than portraying the influence that your parents had on you. So far, I can only point out that they influenced you because (1) they have good jobs and accomplished lots and (2) they made you study hard. Be more personal.

Please read mine (:
pcvrz34g   
Sep 20, 2009
Undergraduate / MIT Essay - Fun Activity [11]

fbs801
he did a nice job of condenscing it for you (: haha
pcvrz34g   
Sep 20, 2009
Undergraduate / Intellecutal Interest: Mathematics (Cornell Essay) [5]

Well since your major isn't yet decided, I guess you can.. I'm not too sure. I would talk more about the programs that Cornell has that directly support your field of interest.

-edit:
reading it again, i feel like you talk only about mathematics of what it is or what you percieve it to be. I think you can make it stronger if you write generally more about the connection between math and you like if you ever went to a math camp/club that helped you develop it. But the first paragraph about your insights on math is pretty good.

Please read my essay!
pcvrz34g   
Sep 19, 2009
Undergraduate / My SCARS and my MISTAKES; Common App [34]

Well this is just an introduction.. so maybe it won't be as abstract when I'm done? I don't know. ): AHHHH i dont know what to do..
pcvrz34g   
Sep 19, 2009
Undergraduate / My SCARS and my MISTAKES; Common App [34]

I really don't know where I'm going with this.. but... just read and tell me what you think. Or if you have any idea how I should develop this. I want to make connection between my scars and my mistakes and how I've learned to view mistakes as a reminder to become better, not as something that's holding me down. I don't know how to tie that in though.. Any idea?

A girl stands, scars running in colliding train tracks on her body, summoning pain at all angles. Scars of various sizes, diverse shapes, and special hues reminiscing stories embedded deep under the pores. Atopic Syndrome ï an allergic hypersensitivity that affects part of body not directly in contact with the allergen. The allergen incognito sweet-talks me into digging my skin when I'm numb with dreams at night until my skin has been stripped away by my own nails and hands. The frustrated mother will once again scold me for doing so at sunrise and I blame the anonymous villain under my breath.

And does this sound too.. gothic/suicidal? I'm not intending to. ):

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