Writing Feedback / People should read only those books which are real events& real person [10]

It partly depends on how precisely you made your points and whether you supported them with logic.

Writing Feedback / ielts essay: should governments pay university course fees? [3]

Suggested changes:

"Yet, it is indisputable that the tuition is really high, and some families cannot afford it.For this reason, I personally insist that it should be a duty of the government to pay the course fees."

Omit comma after "We all know"

"In order to encourage this kind of students to continue to work hard to gain more professional skills so that they can lead high quantity lives after they graduate , it is a vital and effective option for the governments to pay for their tuition.

"More importantly, this would not only aid individuals , but also for governments."

These two sentences -- "To sum up, paying the cursers is a symbol of society progress. It gives people dwelling in the society a kind of belonging, and makes individuals become more unity." -- are so awkwardly phrased that it is difficult to decipher their meaning.

Undergraduate / brief essay explaining your educational and career goals [7]

I moved this to its own thread, as it is a new essay.

You tend to do what I call "going comma crazy," throwing in commas all over the place. In the first sentence, the only comma necessary is the last one -- omit the other two. In the next sentence, omit the comma after 2009 and also strike the word "yet" and the comma after it.

In the next paragraph, omit the comma after the parenthetical reference to the help of Professor Vance.

Repunctuate your penultimate sentence as follows:

Upon graduation, I plan to get the necessary training and become a registered pediatric echocardiographer;and with the excellent training that I am receiving in adult echocardiography at ACC, I believe the transition will be a smooth one.

Writing Feedback / People should read only those books which are real events& real person [10]

Right, most essays are graded by means of a rubric. Often the rubric has a specified number of points to be given only if the writer has provided supporting evidence. Examples are not the only kind of supporting evidence. However, when writing an timed or in-class essay, where there is not the possibility to look up studies or statistics that would prove your point, examples will be the only kinds of supporting evidence you can provide.

Writing Feedback / itels essay: should children learn foreign language from elementary school? [7]

At the same time, your argument about linguistic diversity is compelling, particularly in culture on the brink of language extinction. But, then, wouldn't the remedy be to teach the endangered language as the foreign language? Children's brains are so plastic when it comes to language that it's not hard for them to become fully bilingual or even trilingual.

But let's turn to the writing rather than the content of the essay, because here is where you are still needing work. For the most part, your sentence structure is fine, but your verb tense is sometimes off. Also I notice that you sometimes leave out the article -- a, and or the -- before the noun when one is needed or put in an article when one is not needed. (That's a common error -- it's so hard to keep straight when they are needed and when not.) I also notice that you sometimes choose the wrong preposition -- another very common error, as prepositions function so differently in different languages.

Here are some suggested corrections:

With the increasingly rapid economic globalization, learning a foreign language becomes more important than ever before. Meanwhile, the thorny issue of whether children should begin the foreign language study in primary school, is heated argued by the public.

From my own perspective, each side has has both merits and demerits: It doesn't matter whether children begin to learn foreign language in elementary school or later .

Nevertheless, asking children to learn a foreign language is, to some extent, a hazard to the diversity of the languages and culture.

As we all know , children know a little mount of their own history and policy, so it is easy for them to misunderstand why they need to learn a foreign language. Furthermore, young children are lack of the ability to distinguish the right from wrong.

Writing Feedback / War -- victor or no victor? [45]

There are a number of online progressive publications that accept, and sometimes publish, unsolicited essays. Press Action, Freezerbox, Dissident Voice, Brainbox, ZNet, and Common Dreams all come to mind. I think they would be more, rather than less, interested in your piece knowing that you are only 17. Among opponents of war, there's a sense that older generations have (obviously) not yet figured this out, and an openness -- even an eagerness -- to hear what thoughtful young people have to say.

If the essay were not accepted by any of those publications, then you could publish it yourself on IndyMedia, which is a sort of D-I-Y publication, with sites in most major cities as well as global and national cites. Anyone can upload an essay.

Book Reports / To Kill a Mockingbird - Self-respect and Injustice [8]

Yes, I agree, some brainstorming is in order. Think about self-respect in relation to each of those characters in turn, jotting down everything you can think of. How does the character's self-respect (or lack thereof) influence his or her actions? Does it grow or change in the course of the book? What scenes in the book indicate something about the character's self-respect?

Only once you have decided what you want to say about each character can you then frame a thesis statement that will express your viewpoint concisely. Feel free to come back here once you have a draft thesis statement for some help on outlining and drafting the essay itself.

Writing Feedback / War -- victor or no victor? [45]

Mustafa, I encourage you not to let it drop for too long. You were impelled to write it and then to post it here later and spend all of this time discussing it. That means you really want to say what it says. And I do think there's an audience for it. Just say so if you'd like to discuss your options for publishing it once you've got it polished.

Writing Feedback / April's first day essay - A Quick Grammer Check [5]

I really like this! I've got a couple of minor fixes too:

The bus bursts into whispers and giggles

I tighten my backpack straps

Also, I wonder about switching from present to past tense for your final lines, "I said nothing," "I didn't ask anything," and "I did no prank." Personally, I think the piece would be stronger if those, like the rest, were in present tense.

Undergraduate / "Son,I want you to be an owner of a big department store";Ryerson - Retail Management [4]

Why not tell them which retail industry in which your father (and you) work? That would give the essay more detail.

Here are some suggested corrections:

"Son, I want you to be an owner of a big department store one day when you grow up. " M y father used to say these words to me all the time when I was in school.

He used to use various strategies to sell the products and maximize his profits.

These things made me a bit curious to learn more about business.

Start a new paragraph with "My dream seemed to come..."

There , I will be able to experience real-world learning.

Writing Feedback / Random weightlifting reflection piece. [3]

"Random practice," as you put it, is such an excellent way to improve your writing, especially when you can get feedback, as you can here. As a writer who has been scribbling in notebooks since childhood (long before the internet), often just practicing by writing a "random" descriptive passage or argument, I feel a kinship with you for seeking to improve your writing in this way.

I find this essay charming in its style and content. Here are my suggestions for improvement:

Start the third paragraph with "weightlifting" rather than "it" -- In general, when starting a new paragraph, use a noun rather than a pronoun that refers back to the previous paragraph.

That's so true: Weightlifting isn't like the teachers who praise you or the assholes who makes you feel insignificant; it conveys a sense of real accomplishment in this chaotic world.

Well, I am certainly not an expert -- H ell, I am a borderline an intermediate lifter.

When you get demolished by a weight, you can do one of two things:

I do what I love for the fun of it; I will take the plunge and follow my passion of nutrition, fitness, economics, and human physiology.

Essays / paragraph about the battle of Fromelles [3]

Have you looked up the information you will need to write the paragraph? Do that first, then list the things you want to include in the paragraph. If it's just an introductory paragraph, you probably just want to provide basic information about the battle and what happened because of it. Working from the list, draft your paragraph. Post it here for feedback.

Writing Feedback / I came to knew about Jesus at young age; My salvation testimony - kindly edit. [4]

Be sure to keep your verb tense consistent, writing in the past tense except when you are talking about the present.

During my high school years, I have longed to become an active christian at school. I have desired to be used by God in making Him known to my fellow students.

Things were changed when I entered college.

I felt so weak and could easily get tired. Due to this situation, I was forced to leave my teaching job to take a rest. I went home to my parents and told them that I was on a vacation.

I had reached point zero. I felt that I was dying that moment.

Research Papers / Lung Cancer is one of the most common cancers in the world; Research Essay [2]

Your grammar is not so bad. I am happy to offer sample edits and to give you guidance on editing your own essay. First I will tell you the kinds of errors you are making most frequently and how to fix them. Then I will offer some additional suggested corrections.

I notice that you commit the punctuation error known as the comma splice quite frequently. Here are some examples:

Lung cancer is formed when the cells of the lungs grow in an uncontrolled way, this creates a lump or a tumour which can either be malignant (cancerous) or benign (not cancerous).

Surgeries can remove tumours, radiation therapy kills cancer cells that cannot be removed by surgery

Very specific statistics were found, professional research was done for this article.

The article was written by two MDs, the wording is very professional, the effects on readers will be greater as well; the impact of their words is strong. multiple comma splices in one sentence here

This article was written by a non profit research organization, the article deals with the importance of healthy diets and the cure of cancer.

There are many more! In each instance, you have used a comma to splice together two phrases that could be complete sentences on their own. Instead of a comma, you should join the phrases with a semi-colon or separate them with a period.

This links to the primary problem with your writing in this piece: You try to do too much in each sentence. Sometimes you do correctly use semi-colons, rather than commas, to join two or more main clauses together into a single sentence. At other times, you mix commas and semi-colons as in the last example above. Either way, your sentences read awkwardly, because you are trying to fit too much information into each sentence.

There's no need to do that! Look at this sentence, which has two comma splices:

Cigarettes are full of poison and toxic chemicals, the ingredients affect everything from functions of organs to body's immune system, the damages can be widespread and fatal.

You could correct the punctuation by changing the commas to semi-colons, but why? Why put all of that into a single sentence? Why not make it three short, simple, clear sentences? Or, at minimum, break the first clause off into its own sentence and then join the other two with a semi-colon, since they are closely related.

In general, the only time to combine clauses that could stand as their own sentences into a single sentence is when they are part of a single thought.

Here are a few additional specific suggestions:

Terry,T he author of this article did a lot of research on cigarette and the chemicals used to make itproviding d etailed information about each chemical and how it affects functions of human organs.

A very short article listing all the negative effects of unbalanced diets.

Thorough explanations were given for each; I needed more.

Undergraduate / LMU supplement essay- REFLECTIONS FROM HER OLDER SELF [7]

I second that emotion!

Essays / Unclear Writing Instructions? [13]

"In Praise of the 'F' Word" by Mary Sherry is anthologized in The Longman Writer (7th Edition). It was originally a Newsweek My Turn column. It's not so much about scaring students by threatening to fail them as it is about the disservice done to students by passing them when they have not gained the requisite skills.

Essays / Unclear Writing Instructions? [13]

Chris, I wrote my last post while you were writing yours. I know that essay very well, and your description of it is very simplistic. That may be the problem. You may have done what's called setting up a straw man and knocking him down (or burning a paper tiger) -- giving an inaccurate summary of someone else's position and then arguing against that. It's good that you will meet with the teacher so that she can explain to you the grading while you are both looking over the essay. Again, listen to what she says. It's fine to advocate for yourself, but you will get nowhere if the teacher feels you are only arguing and not listening.

Poetry / Senses poems: Birthdays, Summer in Yellow [5]

Good point about the discordant imagery ... that's what was bothering me about the winter poem, now that I think about it.

Essays / Unclear Writing Instructions? [13]

Let me give you some advice for your meeting with your instructor. If you want to have any hope of gaining a higher grade, do not go into the meeting with an aggrieved attitude and the charge that the instructions were unclear. Go in with a questioning attitude, stating that you are confused by the scoring, given that you thought you had followed the instructions. After the instructor explains that s/he wanted you to list alternatives, say something like, "Oh, that was not clear to me. Was that in the instructions?" Listen to what your teacher says in response. (Teachers hate it when students come in demanding higher grades and then do not listen.)

If you are polite and respectful while still firm in explaining why you feel that the essay did meet the stated criteria, you are more likely to obtain a revised grade. The main thing to avoid is coming in on the offensive, charging the teacher with giving unclear instructions, as this will just put him/her on the defensive. Listen just as closely to the teacher as you hope that the teacher will listen to you, and the meeting will end on a positive note whether or not you get the improved grade you desire.

Essays / 5 paragraph essay on writing about my study skills and work ethics [3]

If you have a hard time getting started, try freewriting. Set a timer for five, ten, or fifteen minutes then start writing about your study skills and work ethic, saying the things you would like your teacher or those who will receive the recommendation to know about you. Don't worry about grammar or punctuation and, no matter what you do, don't stop writing until the time is up. If you get stuck, just write "I'm stuck, I'm stuck" or "I don't know what to say" or "What should I say?" over and over until another idea comes to you. Then, when the time is up, look over what you've written and pull out the good ideas to use in your essay.

Poetry / Senses poems: Birthdays, Summer in Yellow [5]

I personally prefer the summer poem. I like all of your metaphors, although "families having fun" is a bit vague. Try to come up with something more specific, such as families engaging in a particularly summery activity.

Grammar, Usage / Critical Thinking - to form well thought out and defensible arguments in papers [13]

Gautama, What an excellent suggestion! Actually, two excellent suggestions: critical thinking and logical fallacies are each important topics on their own. Let's handle critical thinking in this thread and then you, I, or someone else can start a separate thread on logical fallacies.

Before going into technical details, let me say first that mindset is the most important aspect of critical thinking. The key is to be skeptically open-minded. In order to think critically, one must first be open to new ideas and to the possibility that one's own preconceptions may be in error or askew, whether this be due to prejudice or to faulty or incomplete knowledge. At the same time, one cannot uncritically accept everything one hears or reads.

Assuming that one is open to new knowledge or ideas, how should these be processed? Well, first it is necessary to ensure that one has correctly understood the new information or perspective. That means reading and listening actively.

In active listening, one deliberately sets aside distractions and preconceptions in order to attend closely to what is being said. While listening, take notes by jotting down key points rather than by trying to reproduce what has been said word for word. Reflect your understanding of what has been said back to the speaker, asking "Is that right?" so that you can be sure you heard correctly. Do this especially with things that are surprising to you or with which you may disagree. (Don't voice your feelings of disagreement until you are sure you have understood correctly, as this can lead to useless conflict based on misunderstanding.)

Also while listening, make connections and frame questions in your head, jotting these down along with your notes. By "make connections," I mean think actively about how what you are learning relates to other things you know or have heard about. By "frame questions," I mean not only wonder about what you don't understand but also ask questions like, "How reliable is the speaker?" and "Does this make sense?" and "What are the implications of this information?"

It is in the process of making connections and framing questions that one begins to think critically. By comparing what you are hearing to what you already know or believe to be true, you are essentially asking whether what you are learning is consistent with other known facts and, if not, wondering how to reconcile the old information/perspective with the new -- that's thinking critically! And, of course, assessing the credibility of your source and the internal logic of what you are hearing are also elements of critical thinking.

The same process holds true for reading, although there it is not possible to directly ask in order to make sure you have understood. You may, however, wish to use the wonderful resource that is the internet to see what other people have thought or written about what you've just read and, in so doing, check that your conception of what the work says is consistent with that of other readers.

All of the other steps hold true for reading as well as listening: Make connections. Consider the credibility of the source. Ask how what you are reading fits -- or doesn't fit -- with what you know or believe to be true. Think about the implications of this fact, idea, or viewpoint. Take notes in your own words rather than by quoting, because doing the work of putting the information/ideas into your own words will force you to think clearly and will lead you to discover any gaps in your understanding. (Of course, to avoid later plagiarism, you still need to note the citation information so that you can give proper credit when when writing anything based on the ideas you got from the text.) Copy down direct quotes only when the writer has expressed something in a very original manner or in especially clever words. (In that case, be sure to put quotation marks around the quote so that, again, you do not accidentally commit plagiarism later.)

Doing these things when reading and listening will improve your writing in two ways. First, critical thinking while researching will give you more and better things to say when it's time to start writing. Then, when you do write, you can apply the same skepticism to your own prose, asking yourself whether you really are making sense, whether you have cited credible sources for assertions of fact, and the like.

Those are just some of the suggestions I usually give to speech and composition students. I'd be interested to hear other thoughts on the subject. And, I am certainly open to a new thread on logical fallacies, which are among my favorite topics to teach.

Scholarship / Scholarship Essay: Graduate Education in Chemical Engineering [7]

I hadn't replied before because it was locked... perhaps you inadvertently locked it when you first posted it?

I'm of two minds about your "way to hell" phrase... I like it in the introduction and personally find it amusing when you return to it in the conclusion, but I worry what might happen if a reader doesn't get the joke. You may be taking too much of a risk.

Overall, the essay is lively and interesting, but not as organized and coherent as I would like it to be. You jump back and forth in time too often. Starting in the present, then back to high school, then back to the present, then back to university, then to childhood, etc.

To reorganize, (1) look over what you have; (2) abstract the most important points; (3) put these points in a logical order; and (4) draft a revised essay from scratch, using this version as raw material.

Some of your phrases I do not understand. "Of course Paul did" -- what does that mean?

You also have some problems with grammar, with some run-on and improperly punctuated sentences. Rather than go sentence by sentence, since you have so much rewriting to do that they are going to change anyway, what I am going to suggest you do is keep your sentences as short and simple as possible in order to keep the possibility of punctuation errors to a minimum.

Writing Feedback / 'useless in applying theories'; Daily homework is not necessary for students [5]

In your introduction, instead of saying "and the reason is below," provide a one-sentence summary of the arguments to follow. Also, to make your introduction more informative, tell us who were the people answering the survey. Students? Parents? The general public?

Moving on to grammar, I'll make just a few corrections and suggestions, hoping that others will jump in to do the same.

In the first sentence, make sure your verb is past tense. Instead of saying that they "made a survey," I would say that they "surveyed" students/teachers/the public (say which) to discover their opinions concerning whether students should be assigned homework every day.

Nearly sixty percent of people believe students need more spare time to spend on things they like instead of assignmentsmostly students dislike. On the other side, the rest of respondents feel that homework is a useful means by which parents can keep their child out of computer games.

I wonder about this. Did the respondents in favor of homework all cite computer games as the reason? That seems unlikely to me. Most supporters of homework tend to believe that it reinforcing learning by forcing students to practice what they have learning in their lessons. Keeping students busy tends to be a secondary reason.

Nowadays, daily homework takes up most of students' time, not allowing time for meaningful socialization for future life and work, such as internships , community service, and forth.

I wonder if you have some evidence to support this claim. Do you know, on average, how many hours per week the students in your school or region spend on homework?

Essays / Student should be required to take classes outside of their major field of study [5]

Regardless of topic, the steps to essay writing are as follows:

I. Prewriting
- Use brainstorming, free writing, and/or mind mapping to generate ideas.

Identify purpose, message (thesis), and audience.

Plan and conduct any research necessary to obtain supporting evidence for thesis.

Organize ideas and supporting evidence into an outline

II. Writing
- Draft essay according to outline, using language appropriate to your purpose, message, and audience

III. Revision
- Revise draft
- Proofread draft
- Get feedback
- Revise again
- Proofread again
- ... repeat as necessary

So, since you have a topic, you have to think about what you might say for or against this idea. Use brainstorming, jotting down all of the arguments for or against the idea that college students should be required to take classes outside their field of study. After reflecting on those ideas, choose your position: For, against, or with mixed feelings (i.e. knowing that it is a good idea but still feeling resentful because of the extra time and money this will cost you as a student).

Next, decide which of the ideas that came up in brainstorming you will include in your essay. Will you need to do any research to support any claims that you want to make?

After that, you can decide in what order to make your arguments. Start with an introduction in which you state your position and list your arguments. Then devote a paragraph to explaining and supporting each argument. Conclude with a summary and strong restatement of your position.

Writing Feedback / Australian Gold Rush: Introduction writing [16]

I see two comma splices, which should be fixed as follows:

Immigration not only contributed to multiculturalism, though; with the increase of population came an economic boom.

Expenditure on public works in Australia increased from 122000 pounds in 1852 to 356000 pounds in 1853; this is clear evidence that there was a lot of money.

Writing Feedback / Australian Gold Rush: Introduction writing [16]

You're very welcome! It's a pleasure to help a student who is trying so hard to write as well as possible.

Speeches / Speech on Finding a Job After Graduation [5]

Yes, one must remember that audiences are often bored by long lists of numbers. However one strong or shocking statistic -- such as a high unemployment rate among college graduates -- can have the opposite effect and can capture the audience's attention.

Undergraduate / Essay about my self: Introducing Yourself to Your Instructor [6]

Actually, Quaker_75, "I spent my first 16 years of life" is correct. Your correction introduced an error. In English, the subject comes first in a statement, unless it is preceded by a subordinate clause or the object and subject have been deliberately reversed for a special effect. In this sentence, "I" is the subject, "spent," is the verb, and "first 16 years of my life" is the object.

Subject-Verb-Object is the standard structure.

Undergraduate / LMU supplement essay- REFLECTIONS FROM HER OLDER SELF [7]

I like the originality. As you say, these prompts can lead to dull essays. This will certainly stand out from the crowd.

It feels a bit "overwritten" to me, though... as if you are trying a bit too hard to show off your writing skills. At times it becomes dull because you use the same sentence structure throughout -- long sentences filled with sequential clauses. Over time, this has a lulling effect on the reader.

So, my advise would be to be more parsimonious with the long, flowing sentences and to make the piece more readable and interesting by also including short, sharp sentences that go right to the point.

Writing Feedback / People should read only those books which are real events& real person [10]

I did move this to it's own thread.

Again,Notoman, great advice!

It is so easy to mix up words in a new language. (I have said some very strange things in Portuguese.)

intrusting ... interesting?

Every book is the product of the imagination the author. It may be inspired by a real story or real event , but more or less it always contains some imagination of the author.

I like the structure of this essay. You state your thesis, explain each point by giving examples, and then restate your thesis in the conclusion. Perhaps you could explain even more, for example by stating why mystery novels are good intellectual exercise. But, overall: Good job!

Writing Feedback / People want stay healthy. Health is must to enjoy the life to the fullest. [7]

Notoman, That is such excellent advice!! Thank you for participating so actively in peer editing. That's what makes this forum work!

Writing Feedback / Australian Gold Rush: Introduction writing [16]

First substance, then style:

What troubled me about the immigration paragraph was the vague reference to racial conflict. What happened, I believe, is that the gold rush was part of a wider immigration pattern wherein people of European descent displaced -- often very violently -- the original inhabitants of the region, who have never fully recovered from that onslaught. That's a very different kind of racial conflict than might happen if people of different races, all from elsewhere, were competing among themselves for resources. So, you will have to be more specific.

This will help you with your cultural growth paragraph -- although you might want to call it cultural change, since one culture grew at the expense of another. Again, be sure to be specific and, insofar as possible, take into account the different perspectives of different participants in this process of cultural change.

Now, style:

You grammar is mostly solid, but you have a tendency to commit the comma splice error, which is when a writer splices together two complete sentences with a comma, rather than separating them with a semi-colon (if they are part of the same thought) or a period (if they are separate thoughts).

But this is what made Australia known for its multiculturalism; high immigration rates contributed in a large part to the multicultural nature of Australia today.

Immigration did not only contributed to multiculturalism, though; when the lucky diggers spent their money, people could start making profits and produce more.

New industries were set up.M ore people could go to work.

They started rebellions, the most famous being the Eureka Stockade protests.U nions formed to pressure governments even more.

Writing Feedback / Critical essay about Persepolis. [2]

Persepolis is such a wonderful book! I'm glad to have this opportunity to review an essay about it. I share your enthusiasm and have recommended it to several of my friends.

Overall, your review is very strong. I have just a few suggestions.

First, while I like the idea of somebody "defiantly" enjoying something, I think you mean "definitely." You make this error in two places, so be sure to fix both.

My most substantial piece of feedback is that you jump from your brief introduction right into recounting specific scenes and events from the book. In order to better orient your reader, you might want to provide a brief overview or two-sentence synopsis of the book before jumping into the individual scenes.

Also, it seems strange to me to write a whole essay on this book without once mentioning that it is a graphic novel or making any reference at all to the drawings. Did using that format help Satrapi to make the characters and their lives more engaging? Did it help to make Iran itself seem less forbidding and foreign to you?

Your grammar and punctuation are excellent, for the most part. Be more consistent in your citation style. In some cases, you say (page #), while in others you use (Satrapi #). Probably, you should be using MLA style, in which case you want to use (Satrapi #) the first time you quote something from the book in a paragraph and then simply (#) for any subsequent quotations in that paragraph.

One specific fix:
When someone would say the word "Iran" I used to think of oil, criminals, and communists .

Thank you for sharing such a lovely review, which reminded me of many of my favorite scenes from this wonderful book.

Writing Feedback / People want stay healthy. Health is must to enjoy the life to the fullest. [7]

Very smart and alert of you to turn off spell check when practicing for TOEFL so as to learn not to rely on that as a crutch. One thing you might do, when practicing, is to complete the essay without spell check and then turn on spell check to catch your errors and learn where it is that you tend to make spelling mistakes.

Grammar, Usage / Ethics of Writing Creative Non-Fiction [4]

With all due respect, Sean, this essay does fall into the genre of creative non-fiction, in that the author is presenting this as an essentially true account of a personal experience. There's a big difference between smoothing out dialogue (taking out the repetitions and fillers, etc.) and just making things up. There can be a strong temptation to make a story stronger by putting words into people's mouths. That's fine with a fictional character, but when we are writing about a real person, we have an obligation to that person (and to our readers) to do our best to make sure the dialogue we recreate is an authentic reflection of what they actually said. That homeless man was real. He said something. In order to be true to him and to the story, the writer must search his memory and then use dialogue that -- while it probably won't be the exact words that were said -- is an authentic representation of their encounter.

For discussions of the importance of authenticity in creative non-fiction, and tips for resolving the ethical questions that can arise when reconstructing stories from imprecise memories, see Bly (2001) Beyond the Writer's Workshop and Gornick (2001) The Situation and the Story.

Undergraduate / Firmly believe it is the best university for me; U Ryerson; Why apply? [12]

That's a good suggestion even if your interest is sincere. When writing an application of any kind -- job application, grant application, admissions application -- it's always useful to integrate the target audience's own way of talking about the topic at hand.

Grammar, Usage / Simple ways of improving my writing and structure. [8]

Here's a tip for revising as you go when taking a test on paper (rather than on the computer): Write on every other line of the paper, like double-spacing. This way, there's lots of room above each line to write in new or revised words or phrases.

Writing Feedback / People want stay healthy. Health is must to enjoy the life to the fullest. [7]

Yes, you are improving. I don't see any run-on sentences!

A few corrections:

Health is necessary to enjoy the life to the fullest. For me it's even more necessary. Because I believe fittness is key to sucess for a physcial therapist. For staying healthy I do three things,first of all starting my day with meditation and light yoga; preparing my own healthy food; and jogging for half an hour in the evening.

When you add "because" to the start of a sentence, that changes it into a subordinate clause and, thus, a sentence fragment.

For that, home- made food is the right choice.