Book Reports / "The Dance with Intimacy" - need help on getting started [2]

Greetings!

I'm afraid we can't respond privately, but I'd be happy to try to help you here. You have identified the challenge: how do you sum up an entire book, i.e., condense it down enough, and yet fill out the page requirement, too? They are somewhat competing ideas. However, don't despair! You're not doomed! One thing that can be very helpful is chapter headings. If the book is divided into chapters, try jotting down the main idea of each one. This list can form the basis of an outline. Outlines can be very helpful; don't let it intimidate you, as the outline is only for you. Once you figure out what the basic sections of your paper will be, then you can begin to fill it out. It really should not be too difficult to fill up five pages when discussing an entire book. The hardest part is getting started!

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Grammar, Usage / Marcus Brutus is a tragic hero "opening statement" trouble again. HELP? [2]

Greetings!

First, it helps to know what comprises a tragic hero. The classic tragic hero has some type of tragic character flaw which creates an inner struggle, leads to his making a serious error in judgment, and leads to his eventual downfall and death. So, you would then apply those factors to Marcus Brutus to show that he fits the definition. Something like "Marcus Brutus' tragic flaw, [define it], which results in his ultimate demise, paints him as the classic tragic hero."

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / Essay on Novel Character - Esther from the novel "The Endless Steppe" [17]

Greetings!

It would help if I knew who the character was, and what types of traits she might have. Without that information, I'll have to give you some general pointers. You would start by mentioning the name of the character and the work in which she is found, giving a generalized summary of her traits, but saving the details for the following paragraphs. For example, "The character of Claire in the Outlander series by Diana Gabaldon is a woman of great strength, depth and determination whose ability to adapt from life in the mid-twentieth century to that in the eighteenth is a testament to her fortitude." That's obviously too vague to tell you a lot about Claire, but it acts as an introduction to the topic which will then allow you to tell the reader more.

I hope this helps get you started!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / Entrance Exam ~ English & Reading Comprehension [3]

Greetings!

Congratulations on continuing your education! Please check out our "Free Essays and Articles" section, where you'll find a variety of helpful topics discussed. One subject in particular which might be relevant is "Writing Timed Essays" which can be found here: Timed Essays

Reading comprehension is a skill which improves with practice. I would advise taking as many practice tests as you can. Skim through the paragraph you are reading, actively looking for the most important "nuggets" of information you can find.

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Grammar, Usage / questions in need of intelligent anwsers [2]

Greetings!

While I can't speak to your writing specifically, as you haven't posted it, I can give you some general guidelines.

1) You are using too many (not much) details in your writing if the story gets lost in all the detail. Every sentence does not have to be loaded with numerous details. Give enough that the reader can picture what you mean and to lend authenticity, but don't let it bog you down.

2) Titles are important, certainly. Just how important a title is depends partly on what type of writing it is. In fiction, you want a title that grabs the reader; in, say, a scientific article, being informative might be more useful.

3) "Crossing the line" assumes the existence of a line, but where that line is drawn depends on your audience. If it is in an essay which you will be handing in for a class, I'd have to say that explicit sex could be seen as crossing the line. If a steamy scene is required, making it tasteful would be a plus. Something akin to a "PG-13" rating would probably be best.

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Grammar, Usage / Sorry, I have a dumb question about quoting Internet sources [3]

Greetings!

These are actually some very smart questions! The internet is new enough that citation has not become completely standardized. It also depends what citation style you are using (MLA, APA, Harvard, etc.). However, you obviously cannot use page numbers where none exist, so some citation styles recommend a paragraph number or a section number, if the site has numbered internal divisions. You can use the ś symbol or, instead, the abbreviations chap. or para., wherer applicable. If there are no division like these on the page, the author's name will have to suffice.

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Book Reports / Macbeth, who is the driving force behind the murder of Duncan [3]

Greetings!

It's true that the first sentence is often the hardest! What about something like "Shakespeare's Macbeth is a sinister ride through a twisted forest of murder, greed, evil and supernatural power." You would then become more specific as you begin to explain what you meant in the first sentence.

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / Compare and contrast of two poems: 'Death of a naturalist' / 'Out Out' [10]

Greetings!

I'm happy to give you some editing suggestions:

"The tadpoles have turned into ugly frogs that he found repulsive". - Check this quotation to see if you have transcribed it accurately; the verb tenses do not match.

"Out, Out" describes the fragility of life with a theme of child labour, It's a poem about a young boy doing a man's job "Though a Child at Heart", and that would have been common at the time this poem was written (1916), being just a child he gets distracted only for a moment and has a tragic accident that claims his life. - This paragraph is very confusing, mainly due to the punctuation. I can't tell which phrase connects to another and which should have a period. Many of your sentences, throughout the essay, have commas where there should be periods. Read it aloud, and any time you would pause long enough to take a breath is probably a good place for a period. :-)

Alliteration is used in both poems to set the scene in the mind of the reader, - You use this same line in the next paragraph on imagery. Besides being repetitive, this is probably not really accurate. Alliteration is used for the effect of the sound, using similar initial consonants or vowels for emphasis, not for scene-setting.

Best of luck in your studies!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / My laptop is from Dell; An essay about my laptop [2]

Greetings!

You've written an informative essay! Here are some editing suggestions for you:

According to the policy of IT College in the UAEU, I have to have my own laptop. Here, I am going to write some information about my first laptop.

My laptop is a Dell XPS M 1210. I loved my laptop when I first saw it. It is a very small and portable laptop. The monitor is 12.1 inches. The most important thing in any laptop is the memory; my laptop has 70 GB of RAM. On the other hand, my laptop has many other features that no other laptop has, such as a large and movable web camera, and independent microphone inside so I do not need to add any outer microphone. In addition, there is a special icon called Media Direct; this is a software installed to do media stuff. For example, playing movies, songs and viewing photos.

I really love my small laptop with its black lid and silver keyboard. I am using it for my studying at university and for practicing my favorite hobby, which is writing short stories and novels. Recently, I started a small project using some programs like Movie Maker, Adobe Photoshop, Blue J and E-clips. Starting my small business project makes me depend on my laptop very much. Furthermore, having a wireless device on my laptop helps me communicate with others easily. To this end, I am using my laptop more than 10 hours daily. Finally, I would like to say, friends are not necessarily persons only, they can be animals or things, too; that's why my laptop is my best and closest friend-- I love it so much.

Good job!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Book Reports / King Lear essay tracing Lear's progress in Act 2 [24]

Greetings!

To answer your last question first, you are in luck--we have an article on how to write the expository essay! You can find it here: Expository Paper

You'll find several examples in King Lear of denial, rage and isolation. For instance, his denial and rage at the death of Cornelia. You might be surprised at how many hits you get if you do an internet search with the terms "King Lear denial rage isolation." This is obviously a popular topic for essay assignments! :-)

I hope this helps get you started!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / School lunches today - Illustration essay [3]

Greetings!

You've written a good essay! Here are some editing suggestions for you:

The turkey was a real turkey, not fake or processed.

I saw that turkey dinner was on the menu

The food tasted horrible, and the portions were scant.

You were given healthy portions of all the food that was offered for lunch.

I know when my son gets home from school, he has a snack waiting for him.

I would imagine that there are a few kids that have nothing waiting for them.

I think that the school could work a little harder to purchase food that tastes better.

I also think that larger proportions would be beneficial to those kids that are needy and reside in significantly low income level areas.

I feel that school lunch of the past was a better choice for kids today. - If you think about it, from a logical standpoint, this sentence does not really make sense. Better would be "I feel that the school lunch of the past would make a better alternative to the school lunch of today."

Good job!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Book Reports / Essay on Oedipus the King to revise [2]

Greetings!

I'm happy to help you with some editing advice on your great essay! Really, the only problem I see is that you need to stop referring to one person as "they"; one is singular and they is plural.

The underlying question of Oedipus the King is whether one can escape his [or "one's"] fate.
by showing that being sighted or blind can determine if one can control [b]his [or "one's"] fate.

Thus so, Sophocles gives another hint: one is only safe from [b]his [or "one's"] fate when he [or "one"] is either completely aware of it, or completely blind to it.

Good work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Research Papers / A Research Term Paper on The British Invasion of Australia. [2]

Greetings!

Fortunately, it is easier than ever to find sources, once you know where to start. You can find articles and even whole books in the various databases available in your school library. You were probably given a username and password to get into the site. Once in, you can choose where you will search (sites vary as to what is available) using search terms such as "Australia Britain aborigines" or any number of combinations of terms that you think are relevant to your paper. Databases such as JSTOR and Academic Search Premier have all kinds of materials just waiting to be found. The trick is to use your school library as a portal, rather than relying on a basic internet search like Google.

Give it a try and let me know how it goes!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Grammar, Usage / I need to know what does this quote mean [3]

Greetings!

What the quotation is saying is that the people ("we") have endured some very difficult times, and they now needed to experience joy. They therefore found humor even in small things that they might not have considered funny back when times were good, because laughter can feed the soul the way bread feeds the body.

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Undergraduate / Why leave Tsinghua University and go to UVA? [2]

Greetings!

Here are some editing tips for your excellent essay!

I need to widen my view to build my value system to be critical and open. My uncle Jesse, who graduated from MIT after college in China,

greater difficulties adapting to a new culture. Though I joined the international student group ASEIC on campus

Thus. a U.S. college education is vital to me to become in harmony over the great chasm.

Great job!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Undergraduate / FINANCIAL EXPERT; Educational or career goals & their relation [2]

Greetings!

Another great essay! Here are some pointers for you:

vital to help the majority court their happiness. - While this is not technically, wrong, it might be better to say "achieve happiness."

I will have advantage in multiplicity in the finance world by virtue of Uva. - This is a little awkward; better might be "I will have the advantage of multiple disciplines in the world of finance, thanks to UVA."

Best of luck in your studies!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Undergraduate / GLOBAL WARMING; What issue of international importance concerns you [2]

Greetings!

I'm happy to help with some editing suggestions!

Facing the shocking figures, most of us show great anxiety about the future of the human race without doing anything about it. "Oh, global warming! Who do you think you are?" Most people may reflect on my concern, feeling it as far as the planet Sedna. - Sedna? I don't understand this reference.

But what if everybody on earth considered it like that? Noah's Ark is sinking while we human beings are still waiting to die under the illusion that God will mend it somehow.

Worse still, people tend to overlook things which have "little" effect on their lives. In modern society, we are forced to win over the competition to make a better living.

a movie show on campus and an outdoor propagate. - 'propagate' is not a noun; I'm not sure what this means.

One third of my peers were busy gathering signatures

Good work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Letters / (Event Coordinator position) letter for a job application-help me [2]

Greetings!

I'm happy to help. Learning a new language is a challenge, I know! Just stick with it and you'll improve bit by bit. Here are some editing suggestions:

I am a recent graduate with a Bachelor's Degree in mass communication. I am seeking a career path which will enable me to utilise my background in communications, specifially managing the public's perception of and attitude toward clients. The diversity of opinions and attitudes that people hold sparked my curiosity and triggered my ambition to enter this field.

I took part in several events when I was in college in order to challenge myself in my pursuit of experiences and knowledge relevant to my studies. [Here, you should give a couple of brief examples of these; "several events" is too vague to be of interest to the employer.]

[Most important of all is to accustom myself into social life and familiarise myself towards market brands to polish my communication skills.- I would remove or change this part. It makes it sound as if you don't have these skills yet.]

I am willing to take the initiative in any assigned project. I am creative, energetic and enjoy a challenge.
[I'd delete the part about making mistakes; now is not the time to make the employer think that you might make mistakes, regardless of the fact that everyone does. You might add a sentence about your unique qualities, i.e., why they should hire you.]

I have enclosed my CV and I am available for an interview at your earliest convenience. I hope to hear from you in the near future. [Some people feel it is better to suggest a time frame, such as "I will follow up with a telephone call within the next two weeks to see whether we might arrange a time to meet." However, if you're responding to an ad which just asks for CVs, that might be too pushy.]

I wish you the best in your job search!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Book Reports / litarary analysis about shakespeare's sonnet 19 [4]

Greetings!

all things are changed, forgotten, or ruined,

he uses strong, colorful animals that are described as succumbing to the ravages of time.

it can fade and destroy all the beautiful things on Earth.

He can only forbid, cannot stop it from destroying his love and art.

the young people don't want to be old and get wrinkles in the passage of time.

He says, go ahead "old Time," and do what you can do to destroy his love and his art, even though time is enormous,

Do his love and his art stay really in forever? Could Time destroy his love what's more his talent and arts? - I would delete these questions.

Keep up the good work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / Essay on what happened in st.petersburg, russian in january 22, 1904 [3]

Greetings!

I did some editing for you and threw in some big words, too. ;-)

For many years, workers have been treated contemptuously. They have been overburdened with work, insulted, and treated as slaves. They have never been considered human beings, instead being treated as sub-human beasts. And finally, this afternoon, they took a step forward and headed to the Winter Palace to meet Nicholas II to demand justice and protection. Over 20,000 workers swarmed in front of the winter palace. The officers guarding the palace ordered the workers to leave immediately. When the workers protested, the officers became angry and started to fire shots in the air. When they saw no reaction from the crowd, the palace guards began to fire shots directly into the crowd, killing five hundred people and wounding thousands. This tragic incident has left the entire nation shocked. Our latest reports tell us that Nicholas II was not present in St. Petersburg while this all this transpired, but still many people consider him the person responsible for this bloody day.

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Literary Analysis on The Road Not Taken by Robert Frost [2]

In a person's life, many decisions have to be made, such as choosing to spend time hanging out with friends or to spend time studying for exams.

People who chooses to hang out with friends value their friendships over their education; people who choose to study for exams value their education more highly.

In the poem, "The Road Not Taken" Robert Frost uses metaphor, imagery, and the structure of the poem to tell the reader that the road he or she chooses might be the right or wrong one, but it will make all the difference in their lives.

Frost uses the metaphor to show that the choice impacts his life. - This sentence is too repetitive of what you've already said.

In the beginning of the poem "two roads diverge in a yellow wood" (1). The poet has to choose between two diverging roads, and they have to decide which road they will take to reach his destination. - You should not refer to a single person as "they"; "they" is plural.

This quote is implying that the road chosen, which is the turning point that made his life different from all the rest. - This is a sentence fragment.

The imagery in the poem

"two roads diverged in a yellow wood and sorry I could not travel both" - When you quote, make sure you do so accurately.

You use the phrase "impacts his [or their] life" six times in this short essay. There is a lot of repetition.

When leaves change color and life starts to die. - This is a sentence fragment.

You really only have one idea here: that our decisions impact our lives. See if you can dig a little deeper and find anything else the author was saying, for example, commenting on regret.

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / Compare and contrast of two poems: 'Death of a naturalist' / 'Out Out' [10]

Greetings!

I think you make some good points in your essay.

have many similarities; both poems concern young boys.

a working boy's life cut short

but as a metaphor, is about an innocent child's pastime coming to an end

This section was very confusing: In "Death of a Naturalist" Seamus Heaney sets a scenic image in the readers mind and uses alliteration to emphasise and add additional information to the text, for example "Heavy Headed", likewise "Out Out" alliteration is used in the same way "Sweet Scented Stuff" , but in contrast to "Death of a Naturalist" "Out Out" begins with a description of the buzz saw that attacks the unnamed boy, --that's only part of it, and it's all one sentence! Cut this into smaller pieces (sentences) and try to make it clearer.

You have a number of other sentences which are also too long; try to shorten and simply them. Also, proofread carefully, as it appears there are some cut-and-paste mistakes, perhaps.

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / Health promotion regarding teen pregnancies - my introduction-Does it Flow? [7]

Yes, it must be! Next we'll work on spelling "grammar"--kidding, kidding! :-))

Best regards,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Poetry / Help with five senses poem (trust, sound, taste, smell, feel). Common sense. [4]

Greetings!

I think you have a good start! I like the first line especially. However, I think the next one needs some work (besides the spelling, which I corrected): "It sounds like a friendship of true." That doesn't really make any sense, and even though you are being metaphorical, there needs to be enough truth in the words to make your reader relate to what you are saying. Try this line again; perhaps it could sound like some type of music. Or the ringing of a bell. Does the poem have to contain rhyme? If so, perhaps "The sound of a dove's quiet coo."

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / A late arrival leading to serious consequences [7]

Greetings!

Well, yes, if the limit is 600 you exceeded it by 50%! :-) I have done some ruthless slashing (and a bit more editing), paring it down to 543 words. See what you think:

I have always been the person to wait for others; it is torture for me. But until one fateful day, I never realised that it is torture for the late person, too.

Last winter, I and three of my classmates were chosen to represent the school in a Project Work Competition. In the final, we would face our rival, International High. Our school had lost to them twice, so our task became even more challenging. Extra practice, research, rehearsals, we did everything we could, so we would win.

We decided to rehearse the day before the competition.. Waking that morning, I could see a dazzling white curtain of rain through the window. Doing a quick calculation in my head, I knew that thirty minutes would be more than enough time to ride my bicycle to school. 'I will have to wait again', I told myself as I wheeled my bicycle to the street.

I decided ride faster than usual, to get to school early enough to correct mistakes in our presentation. As I approached the crossroad, I pressed the brake lightly, then harder, but the bicycle did not slow down. I was terrified.

The next thing I knew I was lying in the middle of the street. I wheeled the bicycle onto the pavement to examine it. The brake was broken; I was lucky to be alive. A rush of despair washed through me like a wave. I only had five minutes to reach my school, ten blocks away. I had to walk to school with my broken bike, the biting wind howling beside my ears. For the first time in my life, I would become the person making others wait.

I got to school twenty minutes later, soaked to the skin, my legs about to collapse. I rushed into the Language Room, heat burning my face. I did not know what to do when arriving late, but I knew that I was going to be in grave trouble.

Two of my teammates were slouched in the first row, their heads resting on the table in silence.
"Knock knock!" I rapped on the table, trying to sound enthusiastic, but no response.
"I'm sorry for being late." I tried again, desperately, wondering how late people managed to get through such anger from their friends. "I wrecked my bike, okay? I tried my best to get here as fast as I could. So please, can we start now?"

"Start what?" Emily turned to me, her eyebrows knitted with irritation. "Mrs. Lee is gone. Who is going to judge us?"

"Mrs. Lee came so early?" I was really taken aback. Mrs. Lee, our coach, had never been punctual.
"Oh yes, and Elaine, too." Julie grunted, glaring at me. "They could not wait for our talented team leader, so they left." She took her bag and went out of the room with Emily, leaving me alone. I sat down slowly; my team had fallen apart.

We lost the competition; many people felt it was my fault. Even a year later, the sad face of my coach, the tears of my teammates and the murmurs of my friends after the competition still haunt me. I learned a valuable lesson that day: a late arrival can kill your dream.

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Analysis of Squealer from "Animal Farm" by George Orwell [2]

Greetings!

Well, I have to say that I think your instructor must have been grading on handwriting, because I think it's a very good essay! It's better-written than a lot of the college essays I see--and I see a lot of them!

I suppose I do agree that it could be organized a little better, but considering that it was an in-class, timed essay, it hardly seems fair that that one factor alone (besides your handwriting) should make it a C- paper. If you'd had a week to write it, perhaps so ... but no, not even then would I have given this a C-.

Your introduction could be a little more introduction-like, perhaps. But all in all, I'd have to say that I agree with you that the grade is unfair. I'd be very interested to know what grade you'd have gotten if it had been typed. You answered the prompts very well.

With regard to typing, just FYI, you might want to correct these typos if you ever use this again:
Napoleon's regime is based on fear of death

I wish you the best of luck with your studies (apparently, writing talent is not enough, with this instructor!).

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Research Papers / Trouble narrowing a topic on the Vietnam war [3]

Greetings!

I think it's great that you are willing and wanting to learn! I can remember when I first had to write a research paper (back when dirt was young!), it seemed like an insurmountable--and horribly confusing--chore. But, as with everything else in life, it's just a matter of starting at the beginning and building your skills and confidence. You are right that narrowing a topic can be a challenge. What I try to do, if I have to take something as broad as the Vietnam war, is to start by making a list of possible sub-topics. For example, you could write about the political history that led to the Vietnam war; why America chose to get involved and what the effect was on American society; the devastating medical effects of chemical defoliants; France's involvement and eventual defeat in Indochina, leading to America's involvement in the region. Try reading through some books and encyclopedias on the subject, and consider whether any of the sub-headings would make a good "narrowed" topic.

Writing about a person without making it biographical usually requires looking at the accomplishments of the person and making their works your focus. For example, you could find plenty to say about William Shakespeare, of a non-biographical nature, by focusing on his plays and other works. You could discuss the role of religion in his plays, or the supernatural, or mythology, or many other avenues of approach. If you were going to write about, say, Rosa Parks, you could focus on the segregation laws which led to her defiance on the bus, which sparked the Montgomery, Alabama bus boycott that eventually led to civil rights for African-Americans.

I hope this helps explain it a little better!

Thanks,

Sarah, EsayForum.com

Essays / Health promotion regarding teen pregnancies - my introduction-Does it Flow? [7]

Greetings!

Actually, your grammar is pretty good! Here are some suggestions for you:

To work successfully with adolescents, health care providers must use a facilitative approach. Working with adolescents as partners, they must provide guidance but avoid control, and listen carefully to youth, and work to understand their perspective

These programs are initiated well before the onset of sexual activity with the belief that keeping adolescents' goals high, and minds busy, will result in a decrease in risk behavior; this type of learning is through psychosocial learning domain. - You may not have noticed, but you started four sentences in a row with "These programs..." Try to vary your word choice and sentence structure more.

non-judgmental (or, as I see that you are in Canada, if you use British spellings it is probably "non-judgemental.")

Good job!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Research Papers / Hansen's disease - thesis statement works! [2]

Greetings!

Your thesis statement is quite a mouthful! :-) It might be better to simplify it just a little; you can explain in the following sentences that it is "an acid-fast rod and also an obligate intracellular organism." How about something like this: Among the many different kinds of bacteria, there is only one which brings the misery of the infectious disease known as leprosy: mycobacterium leprae.

Remember that "bacteria" is plural and "bacterium" is singular; more than one bacterium equals bacteria.

I'll look forward to reading more. :-)

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / A late arrival leading to serious consequences [7]

Greetings!

If you don't have to worry too much about a word limit, you might want to build up paragraph two a little, to give more details about how the "team had become weary with the school's pride, the teacher's expectation and peer pressure." This is very important for understanding the friends' attitude at the end, so you might want to emphasize it a bit more.

More detail about the rainy day might not be a bad idea, either. When events, objects or conditions that are mentioned early in a story have a dramatic impact on later action in the story, you want to make sure that they provide the necessary background to increase dramatic effect at the end. The trick is to not build them up too much (so that the reader isn't saying "why is she making such a big deal out of some rain?") but enough to act as a subtle glimmer that it might be important later. Although you did this, a little more wouldn't hurt.

More tension in the confrontation with the friends would be good, too. I did find myself wondering "Why didn't she explain more about how she wrecked her bike and almost got seriously hurt? Wouldn't they have forgiven her if she had?" If there is a reason not to explain it, maybe you should say so; or, perhaps no reason would have been good enough to quell their disappointment, in which case, you should say that, too. You also might want to be just a little more clear that the team lost. By the time I got to the end, I had forgotten about how the team had already lost twice, so that when you talked of "the pain of being defeated three times in a row by our rival," it was not immediately clear to me that that meant the team had lost the competition they'd been preparing so hard for.

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Book Reports / Essay on the role of the witches and the supernatural in Macbeth [6]

Looking forward to it! :=)

Sarah

Book Reports / litarary analysis about shakespeare's sonnet 19 [4]

Greetings!

I think you make some good points in your analysis! You're still working on learning English, but you'll get it in time! One thing I'd like to suggest is that you be sure to run your essay through a spell-checker; there are a number of spelling mistakes that a word processing program's spell-checker would catch for you. Also, be sure that when you quote from the sonnet that you do it precisely; every comma and apostrophe is important! If possible, I would suggest that you have a friend who is a native English speaker either read it, or have you read it to him/her and give suggestions. Also, remember that most nouns in English require an article ("a," "an" or "the"). For example, "Therefore, the poet tries to show how strong time is."

Best of luck in your studies!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Book Reports / Essay on the role of the witches and the supernatural in Macbeth [6]

Greetings!

While some people love Shakespeare, it is not everyone's cup of tea! :-) You might want to start out with something like this: "The supernatural elements in Macbeth play an important role, mirroring the darkness within the title character's psyche."

There really is a lot of information online about Macbeth. While you do not, of course, want to commit plagiarism by "borrowing" someone else's words, you could certainly increase your understanding of how to write about Macbeth and the supernatural by seeing what others have had to say about it.

The hardest part is always getting started. Try not to get too stressed; just read some , write some, and then post some here so I can help you with editing! :-)

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Help with my essay on U.S. and covert policies [2]

Greetings!

One thing I think your essay is lacking is focus. It's difficult to tell what your thesis really is. For example, you mention bankruptcy for the first time in the last sentence; prior to that, there is no indication that you disagree with America's foreign policy because of budgetary reasons. What you need is a thesis statement that takes a position on U.S. foreign policy, and then uses statements by the authors to support or argue against that position. For example, "The U.S. is spending huge amounts of money on a war in Iraq that has made our country less safe than it was before the war. The government needs to fix America's failing school system before it wastes money on a counter-productive war that no one wants." That would be an example of a thesis where you take a position on policy. The rest of your essay would then include information that supports your thesis, including, as your teacher said, quotes from the authors' works.

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / A late arrival leading to serious consequences [7]

Greetings!

Another great essay! Here are some editing tips for you:

I have waited for my friends so that we could hang out.

And the truth is, waiting for others to come is torture for me... I had never realised that it is torture for the late person, too.

We had to win. Extra practice, research, rehearsals, we did everything we could, so we had to win.

so that I could get to school a bit early to correct some of the mistakes in our presentation.

I reached out my left arm and waved it in the freezing air,
I tried to get up on my feet and rolled the bicycle onto the pavement to examine it. The brake must have been broken; I was so lucky not to break any bones.

As I looked at the empty street, a rush of despair washed through me like a wave.

I was late, I kept telling myself.

Two of my team mates were slouched in the first row, their heads resting on the table, ignoring my arrival.

"Mrs. Lee is gone.

I sat down slowly, biting my bottom lip, keeping the sobs from pouring out.

It has been a year since then, but the pain of being defeated three times in a row by our rival still casts a shadow on my life. (I'm guessing at what you meant; "stroke on my life" doesn't make sense.)

reminding me of the time when my late arrival broke the team apart.

Good work!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Writing Feedback / Examining the poem "To An Athlete Dying Young" By A.E Housman [36]

Greetings!

You could just do something straightforward like saying "Literary analysis of 'To An Athlete Dying Young' reveals it to be a traditional 19th century poem which takes place in a pastoral setting in England, written from the point of view of a young yeoman."

When you get to the interpretation section, it could go something like "Interpretation of the poem requires delving into the deep emotion underlying the simplicity of the words."

I hope this is what you needed!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Book Reports / Essay on the role of the witches and the supernatural in Macbeth [6]

Greetings!

This is a common subject with reference to the works of Shakespeare, and particularly Macbeth. The supernatural was an accepted part of life in his era, and thus often an important part of his plays. In Macbeth, there were numerous instances where supernatural elements had significant roles: Banquo's ghost, the witches and their apparitions, the dagger... all of them had a function in the play. The witches, in particular, represented Macbeth's ambition and his dark side. I think if you do some research into what others have written on the topic, you will garner a better understanding of how to approach your paper. Fortunately, with a classic like Macbeth, there is a plethora of material available to read. Start Googling! :-)

I hope this helps get you going!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Speeches / Business Law Presentation [5]

Greetings!

There are many examples in history of laws which were inherently unfair. (Actually, that sentence might be a very good way to start your introduction!) You mentioned two examples; some others I can think of include the Jim Crow laws of 20th century America which made it legal to discriminate against black people. One famous case related to this is Plessy v. Ferguson, in which the Supreme Court of the United States said that "separate but equal" accommodations were all right and that, therefore, states could prevent black children from attending school with white children. This was the law of the land for almost sixty years until it was finally overturned by the Supreme Court in 1954 in the case of Brown v. Board of Education.

Another example is suffrage laws which prevented women from being able to vote. I believe that many European countries allowed women to vote before the U.S. did (you'll want to check this). The U.S. allowed states to discriminate against women by preventing them from voting until the Constitution was amended to make women's right to vote mandatory in all states in 1920.

I hope this helps!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Research Papers / Help on Intro of a world war I research paper [2]

Greetings!

Probably the best way to introduce the subject, yet go beyond merely restating it, is to inject an opinion about it, adopting a position with regard to the merits of the plan. For example, you might want to lead with something like this:

Schlieffen's plan to launch and win a war on two fronts simultaneously, inspired by Hannibal's destruction of the Roman Army at the Battle of Cannae, was a brazen, yet intrinsically flawed concept which relied on an underestimation of the enemies' strengths.

You might then want to go on to say that although the weaknesses in the plan led to its initial failure, the Germans were able to regroup sufficiently quickly to dig into the trench warfare that would make the first World War drag on for the next several years.

I hope this helps to give you some ideas!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com

Essays / Compare and contrast of two poems: 'Death of a naturalist' / 'Out Out' [10]

Greetings!

I'd be happy to help with some suggestions! You don't need to post the poems, as they are freely available on the 'net and it is not permitted to post others' works on this site. I would advise that you read a number of analyses by others before you start writing to get some ideas. One thing I notice upon first glance with both poems is the vivid imagery created by word choices. "The slap and plop were obscene threats" is some very in-your-face sort of writing; the descriptions come on strong to make the reader really feel the experience.

I hope this helps you get started!

Thanks,

Sarah, EssayForum.com