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Posts by Roman123
Name: Man Luo
Joined: Aug 9, 2017
Last Post: Aug 13, 2017
Threads: 2
Posts: 11  
From: China
School: Beijing forestry university

Displayed posts: 13
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Roman123   
Aug 9, 2017
Writing Feedback / [Toefl] an effective leader should try to make others part of the decision making process [13]

"Two minds are better than one".


How often we hear about such word like these. Definitely, the wisdom implicated in this saying can be applied to the strategy of an effective leader. I believe that, for leaders, considering others' opinions always end with exceptional results.

Referring to others' opinions always results in wise decisions. In general, a big company always sets a board of directors leaded by a head. Before the company make a decision, all the members hold a conference, and during the meeting everyone votes or gives their own suggestion. The purpose of such conference is to make a wise decision finally. Without doubt, the decision proposed by one individual is characterized with personal preference and is hardly accepted by majority. On the contrast, one decision, which has been tested by others or improved according to others' opinions, is likely fond by many of people. In a word, the decision condensing some people's wisdom is better than that from only one person.

Seeing from the eyesight of team members, it will increase their contributions if they can be one of the decision makers. Everyone has the tendency to gain others' appreciation. When the leader will consider other's opinion, if a decision made by one team member is thought highly by others, that member will easily feel a sense of achievement. Therefore, in their future work, more delicate designs or more high-level advices will be produced. However, in a team, where all the decisions are made by leader, what other else will do is just waiting the assignments and complete it on time. All of those good ideas or suggestions reflected on minds will be buried in heart because of the impossibility of being considered. So with different leaders, members in the former group will make more contributions, in turn, the whole team can develop better.

Finally, allowing others take part in making decisions, create a humorous phenomenon. Decisions only made by leader, result in missing the communication among team members, because the only character should be talked with is the leader. If others can take part in decision making process, communication among team members will often occur. Communication creates a time for people to be familiar with others, at the meantime, also a chance to study from each other. As a consequence, each one are tend to consider others, the whole phenomenon is so harmonious

that everyone would like to work in.

In general, making others part of the decision making process is a good choice.

Hei, friends, I think my article is kind of too vague, that is to say I fail to use some details to proof my point, do you think so? If you have some good examples to match my points, please give me your advise. I really appreciate your help, thank you.
Roman123   
Aug 10, 2017
Writing Feedback / [Toefl] Compared to when our grandparents were young, life is more comfortable and easier these days [3]

grammer mistakes:
1.there has been strong debates-->have;
2.life became better and more convenient these days rather than when grandparents were in childhood-->use "than" to place "rather than", because you want to compare right?

3. laundry machine serve-->serves

suggestion:
1.The last sentence in the fourth paragraph, "Considering benefit we have in a modern era, our life is much more comfortable than the past.", I think that you can use words "convenient devises" to replace "benefit", kind of strengthening your points.

2. The second sentence in the last paragraph, I think a little unnecessary. From my perspective, the first sentence plus the last one are enough.
Roman123   
Aug 11, 2017
Writing Feedback / Essay about the punishment for children [3]

hi invent, the following is my advice:
grammer mistake:
1. ... if parents have a physical punishment to a child-->delete "a" before violent problems.

improving suggestion:
1. in your second paragraph, I believe that if you add some information, like children are tend to imitate their parents behavior, will make your article more convincingly.

2. in your third paragraph, some detail about how to be a role model will make your article more vivid.
Roman123   
Aug 11, 2017
Writing Feedback / [Toefl] an effective leader should try to make others part of the decision making process [13]

Merged:

[TOFEL] An effective leader should try to make others part of the decision making process



prompt: an effective leader should try to make others part of the decision making process

There are many aspects(or standards will be better?) to evaluate whether a leader could be identified as effective. Some people consider that referring others' opinion before deciding the decision is an important quality for an effective leader. In my view, I agree with them.

First and the foremost, making others part of decision is easy to come up with a wise one. On the one hand, it can avoid some mistakes. Everyone will make mistakes and tend to ignore them. Like in classroom, teachers are hardly get rid of any mistakes, they need our students' notices. Similarly, leaders also need others to correct their decisions. On the other hand, some individuals together can propose a more comprehensive idea, because one individual is impossible to be expert in every field while more people can cover wider fields. For example, many big companies set a broad of directors to come up with a decision together. So referring others' opinion increases the likelihood of a wise decision.

Apart from wise decisions, listening to others' suggestion enhances the whole team's productivity. That is because everyone's contribution is more than before. Just imagine what it would happen if the leader is the only one to make decision. The only thing employees will do is stiffly accomplish their assignments without any suggestion as well as novelty. I recall my own case. Once I was the minster of secretary department in student union. At the beginning, I only distributed assignment to every member and told them how to do. But I found out that they were so inactivity and our tasks were hardly approved by teachers. Finally, I changed my mind and every time before I made decision I always collected other members' ideas. Surprisingly, they became more enthusiasm than before and give more ideas, meanwhile teachers gave high evaluation to our works. Therefore, taking others' idea is a good way for leader to enhance the total productivity.

The last but not the least, an effective leader should refer to others' suggestion because it likely to establish a harmonious phenomenon. I believe that leader shouldn't just focus on result, also procedure is equally important for a team. So a harmonious phenomenon is critical. Referring to others' opinions creates more communication among leader and members. Later the team fill with grasp and laughter. As a consequence, the team relationship gets closer and members increase their loyalty to leader too. Hence, harmony is also an aspect to indicate effective.

To wrap up, allowing others part of the decision making process by leaders contributes to wise decisions as well as high productivity of team also establishes a harmonious phenomenon. So leader should try this strategy. Do you remember the saying? Two minds are better than one.
Roman123   
Aug 11, 2017
Writing Feedback / [Toefl] an effective leader should try to make others part of the decision making process [13]

@Holt
hi,I have already wrote a new essay about the same topic, if you have time, could you also see my that essay?

And could I bother you to solve my following problem according to my another article?(I have paste the link at the last)
problem:
I am confused about such topic "an effective leader should try to make others part of the decision making process"; I have two solution: first, should I raise three arguments to proof that making others part of making decision process could lead to effective? second, could I point out three or two benefits that come along with making others part of making decision process?

Thanks for your reading and suggestion
Roman123   
Aug 12, 2017
Writing Feedback / [Toefl] an effective leader should try to make others part of the decision making process [13]

@Martin101 I have some explanation and questions. If you have time, thanks for your patience to look over them.
Para 2:
Sentence 3: "Like in (insert 'the') classroom, teachers are (insert 'can') hardly get rid (insert 'eliminate') of any (insert 'all their') mistakes, they need our students' notices."(<honestly don't know what 'they need our students' notices' means. would remove)

Explanation: might be I left "so", that is to say "Like in the classroom, teachers can hardly get eliminate of all their mistakes, so they need our students' notices to correct some errors."

Para 3:
Sentence 4: "... assignments without any suggestion (insert ' contribution to the project') as well as novelty."(really not sure about 'as well as novelty')
Explanation: novelty means creation(actually I don't sure if this word makes you clear). I want to express that employee can add some creative elements to their assignments right. But if I take your advice and use "the contribution to the project" before, I no more need to add such noun again, because it is included in the former range?

Para4:
Sentence 3: "So a harmonious phenomenon is critical."(<not sure about this)
Explanation:sorry for my wrong spelling, I want to mean "crucial"
Sentence 5: "Later the team fill with grasp and laughter."(<again not sure. what does grasp mean in this context)
Explanation:wrong spelling again, "gossip/talk", could you fit it in the context now?

Now I want to explain the meaning of the word "phenomenon" repeatedly occurring in the Para4 to you: actually I want to deliver the meaning of "environment", but here, I want to emphasize the sense of human. In other word, "to enable people work in an comfortable environment" is my initial purpose, so I use the word "phenomenon". In fact, I was hesitate to use this word "phenomenon", because I was not sure if it is suitable.
Roman123   
Aug 12, 2017
Scholarship / I've been living in a bungalow my whole life - influenced environment [6]

Martin, your essay gives me a sense of power, I really appreciate your essay. However, I think something is missing before your change in the essay. Now I want to show my confusion to you. Maybe you didn't depict what is the real thing to change you, I mean why you suddenly realize your parents hardness? Was there something special event happened or had you noticed something which was omitted by you before? I believe that if you add more detail will make your essay better. By the way, I think the advice from Holt should be considered too.
Roman123   
Aug 12, 2017
Scholarship / One interest that makes me different from other students [5]

HaHa, you tell a funny story~
I just found out 1 problem, and you can check if i am right:
para 1:
From the age of 12 after a conversation with my parents in which the informed me about our families financial problems. This sparked an interest in finance;

maybe these two sentence actually should be combined, that is "At the age of 12 after a conversation with my parents in which they informed me about our families financial problems, this sparked me an interest in finance".
Roman123   
Aug 12, 2017
Writing Feedback / [TOEFL]Some people consider that our life is more complex than it was in the past [3]

prompt:
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Because modern life is very complex, it is essential for young people to have the ability to plan and organize.

Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.


the ability of planing to deal with complex problems today



The modern life is much different with before. Some people even consider a more precise claim that our life is more complex. From my perspective, I agree with this statement. Furthermore, I consent to that the ability to plan and organize is crucial for young individual.

The problems occurring get more complex now, so ability to plan and organize is crucial for young people. That is to say when the tasks for young people involve much more skills or knowledges, a good plan assists people in solving problems more efficiently. For example, for students who are doing research, they need a rational plan to decompose a huge project to several small problems, to help them proceed in order, as well as to organize the collected information. Therefore, a good plan is really important for young people to figure out problems in time.

In addition, we young people need capability of planing to deal with more complex identities. Now we have more identities than people living in the past. One research down by social and humanity department of Peking University shows that more than 20.4% young people have two or more former jobs, meanwhile in the rest more than 60% have former job with part-time job. Each job gives every single person different identity and responsibility. Just image what would happen if one individual fail to plan events well. That fail to complete works is often occurred. In comparison, planing events advanced can alert people to do their jobs on time and get rid of disorder. So in term of such case, plans are significant for young people.

Last but not least, the relationship among people also get more implicated, without plan and organization they are tent to get overwhelming in social network. Participating in diverse social activities, we young people contact with more and more people, our connections with others get complex. Organization enables us to feel clear with each kind of relationship and get along well with others.

To warp up, young people require the ability of planing to deal with complex problems, identities as well as relationship with others.
Roman123   
Aug 13, 2017
Writing Feedback / [TOEFL]Some people consider that our life is more complex than it was in the past [3]

@Holt
Happy to see you again, I say this because after the first you read my article titled as "an effective leader should try to make others part of the decision making process", you had gave me some useful suggestion, so later I wrote another article about the same topic. And I informed you with that, might be you are too busy to look over that essay. So If it won't bother you could you help me with that article? I will paste the link in the last of this reply.

Now, I want to ask more questions about this article, or more precisely about TOEFL independent essay. I have read many your replies or suggestions for others, and you always emphasize the first paragraph that we should repeat the original prompt, I agree with you. So I play careful attention to this essay, and use the words "complex life", "ability to plan and organize", also show my opinion, why don't you think I still fail to do well in the first paragraph? Hope that you won't fell I was so self-confidence to say that, I just want more recommendations to adjust myself style.

The second question is that do you want to say the uncommon research data exposes myself to the risk of forging data? So the examiner will suspect my essay's accuracy?

Comes my third question, if I use too much myself experiences, will it make my essay lack persuasion? Or besides individual's experiences, are there other methods I can use to make my article more logical?

Finally, thanks for your reading and reply.
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