Writing Feedback / The bar charts compares the percentage of Australian men and women who do regular exercise [4]

The bar chart below shows the percentage of Australian men and women in different age groups who did regular physical activity in 2010.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

are australian people fit?

Answer:
The bar charts compares the percentage of Australian men and women who do regular exercise in different ages in 2010.

Men do more regular physical activity than women in the youngest aged group (15 to 24), while women exercise more than men in the next four older age groups. The percentage are the same for both sex who are aged 65 and over.

The highest percentage of Australian men with exercise habits is 52.8%, which is for the age of 15 to 24. As the age goes up, this percentage drops to the lowest point of 39.5% for the age of 35 to 44.

As for women, the percentage slowly increases from 47.7% (15 to 24) and reaches to the peak of 53.3 (45 to 54). The percentage is almost the same for the age of 55 to 64 (53%), however fall to 47.1% for the women aged 65 and over.

Much appreciate if anyone who helps me correct the grammar and vocabulary usage!!

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Writing Feedback / I disagree that university should accept same number of men and women in each subjects. [3]

University should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject.
To what extent do you agree or disagree?

characteristics of students

Here's my answer:
Nowadays, gender equality is an important right for all, and I totally agree with it. However, sometimes this right is exaggerated or even abused in some issues, one of which is the topic. Thus, I disagree that university should accept same men and women in each subjects.

In my opinion, university should be concentrated on of interest, passion and ability rather than the gender of the student because these characteristics are what matters. If it is implemented, the university must strike and balance between male and female in numbers. In order to do so, many students will lose the opportunity to dedicate themselves further, and they will be the sacrifice of the strange regulation. Everybody should have access to university, no matter the race, gender, identity of the student. When the school choose to ignore a competent student due to the regulation of gender equality, it loses the ultimate goal of education and it can no longer be called "school".

In addition, the topic only mentions male and female, and it is unfair for the group of LGBT. They are an independent group of gender, and they should not be cruelly classified to male or female. The gender equality is not just for boys and girls, they should be included as well. University should satisfy their right for education.

To me, the characteristics of students are the most valuable and worth attention. Thus, I think that the university should not accept equal numbers of male and female in every subject. There is something more important to focus on.

Appreciate it for correcting the essay or scoring it in terms of academic IELTS band! :)

Writing Feedback / Academic IELTS task 1-The maps of town center of Islip now and in the future [3]

Islip before and after development

The maps below show the centre of a small town called Islip as it is now, and plans for its development.
Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.

The two maps illustrates the town center of Islip before and after the development. The map above is today's Islip town center, while the bottom is development plan of town center.

Nowadays, a main road crosses the town center from east to west. However, it will be replaced as a pedestrian walkway in the future plan. A dual carriageway, which goes around the town center, will be the new main road.

All of the shops in town are situated on the both sides of the main road. In new development, the shops and the countryside on the north side will be replaced by some facilities, including bus station, shopping center, car park and new housing. Shops on the south will remain the same.

On the south of Islip, new housing will be constructed near the area near the park in the east. On the west side of the housing area, it will not affected by the planned development. Both school and park will be connected with the dual carriageway.

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