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Posts by hylacy
Joined: Sep 26, 2009
Last Post: Jan 8, 2011
Threads: 4
Posts: 16  

Displayed posts: 20
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hylacy   
Sep 26, 2009
Undergraduate / Never judge anything by its appearance [13]

Prompt: In an essay of 300 words or less, choose one extracurricular activity, work experience, or community service project from the list you provided on the application and explain why you initially chose it, why you continued with it, and how you benefited from it.

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When the volunteer coordinator assigned me to volunteer at the extended care section for seniors, I was disappointed. I wished to volunteer at the emergency room where all the excitement happens. At first, I thought taking care of senior patients seemed repetitious and interminable. Never judge anything by its appearance; I finally learned what the sentence truly means through my volunteer experience.

I did not like my job at the extended care section until I started volunteering. Patient's family members sent them to the extended care to ease care stress. Some family members choose not to visit the patients at all. Sally (not her real name), lives in the extended care section. Sally likes to sit beside the window and count the airplanes in the sky wishing to fly in one. Then I realized that I needed to pay more attention to Sally.

Unlike other patients in the hospital, Sally's family members rarely visit her. Volunteered in the hospital for over a year, I only saw Sally's family members visit her once. When other patients in the extended care section received flowers from their relatives or friends, Sally's face would become bittersweet. I felt heavyhearted every time seeing her depressed face. Therefore, I decided to entertain Sally more to make her joyful.

Every Sunday afternoon I would play games or read books to Sally. Sometimes when Sally tells me that she wants to go back home, I would take her on a walk in the hospital. During the walk, I would tell her to look at different pictures hanging on the wall to distract her from thinking about going back home. Gradually, as Sally thought less about going home , she started to smile and talk more often. I enjoyed playing games, reading books, and entertaining Sally. Seeing her become happier makes me realize that volunteering in the extended care section is not as boring and dull as I thought would be in the first place. The volunteer experience makes me feel that I accomplished something.

Volunteering at the extended care section seemed uninteresting and unexciting at first. However, the interesting experience and the delighted outcome were heart warming. Everyone needs care, giving cares to others is a kind way to benefit others. Sally's mood changed from a depressed and unhappy to loquacious and cheerful. It is altruistic to prejudge something without experiencing it. Never judge anything by its appearance.

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Please comment on it.
My essay has 415 words, please me on cutting it down to less than 300 words.
Thank you for reading it :D
hylacy   
Oct 22, 2009
Undergraduate / "Choose your future" - Ohio State Admission essay [6]

Good details :D

So I finally made my choice of schools....

you don't need that part, because the college will know that you chose Ohio State when reading the essay.
hylacy   
Oct 22, 2009
Undergraduate / I have always wanted to be someone who can help; UIUC Prompt#1 Become a social worker [9]

Prompt: In an essay of 300 words or less, please discuss your academic interests and/or professional goals.
Please criticize this essay harshly.Thank you :D
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Ever since I was a child, I have always wanted to be someone who can help and improve the lives of others.Although I do not have an planned future for myself, I wish my future career could be related to the health care field that I would influence someone's life someday . My first life experience with a health care field professional was with a social worker. When my mother was diagnosed with severe depression, the social worker was the first person to approach me to give me comfort and support. My mother's sickness came extremely fast; at age 14, I felt hopeless and helpless when my mother was taken from me to be hospitalized.The social worker told me that I needed to become stronger and more independent in order to ease stresses on my family. Her words gave a sense of new direction to my helpless life. Without the social worker that cared for me, my life could have still been dejected. Her job plays a crucial role in our community, caring takers for people and making our society a better and warmer place to live. I also want to be someone like the social worker who cares and can affect somebody's life positively. My career choice would be in the health care profession because I want to make a difference in the lives of others.
hylacy   
Oct 23, 2009
Undergraduate / Never judge anything by its appearance [13]

hylacy:
It is altruistic to prejudge something without experiencing it.
Altruistic? This word definitely does not belong. Please be careful of the vocab you choose. This one statement is enough to make me want to move on to the next essay.

Is it ok if I change that sentence to
" I feel so happy that I have helped someone . "
hylacy   
Oct 24, 2009
Undergraduate / Welcome to My world.. [4]

Try to write a event in your life that affected you.
Your essay is a summary of yourself, colleges don't want to read that.
you mentioned

I have found someone beside my family that I shared

my happy moments, my sad ones and the obstacles that faced me

during my life.

you can write an essay on that part.
In what way did that person shaped who you are right now.
hylacy   
Oct 24, 2009
Undergraduate / Never judge anything by its appearance [13]

I think you can just say something like, "We sometimes miss important things about people when we prejudge them." Does that sound better?

Thank you so much EF_Stephen!

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I did some editing on my last paragraph.
Please criticize it.

**********************************
Sally's mood changed from depressing and unhappy to loquacious and cheerful. Volunteering at the extended care section seemed uninteresting and unexciting at first. However, the interesting experiences and the delighted outcomes were heart warming. We sometimes miss important things about people when we prejudge them.
hylacy   
Oct 25, 2009
Undergraduate / My World and Background + My Favorite Personal Quality --- UC Essay! [10]

Essay#1: The essay prompt says"for example, your family, community or school", but you don't have to include all of them into your essay. Your essay needs to tell the readers who YOU ARE, not a summary of your life. Write a specific event/person that shaped you You need to elaborate one thing as opposed to merely stating everything happened in your life.

Essay#2:

I think, as a future scientist, my open-mindedness and a liberal worldview will be a great help

Give examples of why you think open-mindedness and liberal world-view would help you.
I think you should elaborate more on

I try never to judge anything based on first impressions, I am never afraid to investigate new ideas

Since science is all about proofing hypotheses and researching more knowledges.
hylacy   
Dec 3, 2009
Letters / 'I hope that you can give me some latitude on this' - my e-mail sent to UC Davis [3]

This e-mail, it is very important to me.
Please give suggestions on how to get my point across.
Thank you!

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Dear :

I submitted my application for the University of California Davis on November 24th. My current school, Grant Community High School, has already mailed my transcript to you. I mailed my transcript request to my previous school, Burlingame High School, on November 14th. However, the school did not receive my transcript request as I called for conformation on November 23rd. I recently acknowledged Burlingame high school's student record office is closed from November 30th - December 14th

I understand that the application deadline for UC Davis is November 30th. However, I hope that you can give me some latitude on this, as I wasn't aware, until recently, that my first high school will not send out any transcript until December 14th. I will contacted Burlingame high school on December 14th, but I fear that they may not have gotten it out on time.

Thank you.

Sincerely,

XXXXXXX XXXXX
hylacy   
Dec 15, 2009
Student Talk / Sending SAT subject tests - I do not wish to let the college to see the score [17]

I'm planning to send my sat score to UC.
If I took SAT test on december and the score is not available yet, and I do not wish to let the college to see the score, should I just not select the score? Will the college know that I took the test on December? Or should I just send it when the score comes?
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