Undergraduate / Personal Essay Transfer Admissions Essay. Allegheny College [3]

Thank you so much in advance. I am unsure of what to be writing about for my Personal Essay portion of the Common Application. If all the colleges/univ. are going to be seeing this essay then I should not be specific? I'm somewhat confused, but here it is.

Applying to: Allegheny College, Loyola Marymount University, Boston University, Fordham University, Drexel University, Northeastern University.

Prompt:
Please provide a statement (250 words minimum) that addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve.

I began my studies at College of the Canyons with intentions of transferring to a four year institution. While others agonized about being 'stuck' at a junior college, well I, 'I took the road less traveled by.' Now that I have finally completed my personal goal to incorporate a quote from Robert Frost, I can elaborate on what this 'road' was. In my perspective, by taking the junior college route, I was given the opportunity to take a good look at myself and figure out what truly inspires me as an individual. I knew that in the end of my college career, I was planning to apply to law school in California, but spent two semesters reaching a sound decision as to what I would be majoring in. At this point in my college career, I am confident with the declaration as a Sociology major! By majoring in Sociology I am confident that I will be well prepared for law school. Also, I have set myself the goal to minor in both Spanish and Music.

Through my courses in Spanish I am now able to communicate with my co-workers, and able to comprehend and speak Spanish more fluently. The gift of communication is priceless. Spanish will be useful towards my ultimate goal of becoming an immigration lawyer. As for my choice to minor in Music, I came to realize that playing the piano which is a large component of my interests could not be denied. I am an enthusiast of both making and listening to various genres of music. By minoring in Music I aspire to become a better pianist, as well as increasing my knowledge in music theory. I am extremely motivated to pursue these educational goals by transferring to a four year institution.

By the end of my college career I hope to emerge as a highly educated, well rounded individual who is dedicated to their work and service of others.

Undergraduate / Transfer Admissions Essay my 'NEW' essay to NYU - "My Valuable Education" [7]

My essay thread was deleted before, however I tried to be more descriptive in my subject. I had this essay up on another website and deleted that one as well. I really feel like this is one I want to work on and develop/revise. Any help will be very appreciated. Thank you in advance.

prompt:
Please provide a statement (250 words minimum) that addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve.

My Valuable Education

My family does not have a legacy at any college. I will be the first generation in my family to be attending college. My mother came to America in order to pursue the 'American Dream' which was being strongly projected in South Korea at the time. The United States of America promised a better life for her and her family. She became assimilated into American culture and graduated from Los Angeles High School. Immediately after graduation she was driven to pursue her goal: to not live in poverty. She worked tirelessly within the fashion district in Los Angeles and became a self made millionaire by the age of 24.

In contrast, after high school I enrolled at Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising as a Marketing major, while my mother had opened me three retail clothing stores in the midwest. While having my own business before even receiving a degree, I realized two weeks into fall quarter, that my future was being spoon fed to me. At the time I was 18, and felt that this route was the safest, because regardless of the outcome I would always have my mother to rely on.

It is a popular quote, 'the apple does not fall far from the tree,' and it proved to be true my situation. My mother, the risk taker had raised a risk taker herself. Me. Crystal. I withdrew from FIDM before my first midterm. I was utterly confused as to what I should be doing next. I didn't necessarily find education to be such a necessity in life, and even as I withdrew from FIDM, I will not say I felt the need to be attending a four year institution. With nothing else to do, I took the reigns of my business. The next two years were spent on business trips back and forth to Idaho, Utah, and Wyoming. I was running payroll for my employees, dealing with CIT, and attending the MAGIC trade show twice a year.

Quickly, I became consumed with my job, and had began to accept the fact that I was not going to be going back to school. Yet among analyzing which juniors' tank tops would sell or flop, I could never feel completely secure in where I was at in my life. Any skills or talents I had were never applied to this job. I saw my peers at different Universities and Colleges and I was jealous of them. I envied how they could analyze literature and study other cultures from around the world. I missed being involved at school, and working hard for a test. I was missing out on a fundamental part of my life, which was my college career.

'Back to school' season of 2008 I realized that I would never feel any bit of accomplishment towards my company, because my company was actually my mother's. I would never be able to call any of my work, my own. I would never be able to make anything of myself besides working for my mother unless I took the initiative to return to school. I approached my mother with my proposal to attend COC and ultimately transfer to a four year institution. With my mother's consent, I made the decision to cut my full time hours in the office and became a full time student at College of the Canyons. I could see the fear in my mother's face, that I wouldn't be able to make it without her. The uncertainty of not being able to guide her daughter in the unknown terrain of college.

I am extremely grateful for the opportunity to pursue my educational goals. I am also very lucky to have been able to have some seriously thought provoking professors. I began my journey at COC a confused young woman who wasn't sure what would happen next, but as time passed, I matured and also learned vital aspects of who I am. I tend to analyze and observe my surroundings. I constantly find myself questioning society and the people all around me. I want to help people who need help. I enjoy critical thinking. I appreciate diversity. Through my introductory course in Sociology, I realized all these qualities about me as an individual. Due to the broad spectrum of topics which Sociology covers, it correlates with my career plans of becoming an immigration/family lawyer. By majoring in Sociology I will be able to increase my critical thinking skills and also be able to use the information I learn towards my logical reasoning. As a result, Sociology will make me a competent and well prepared candidate for law school. I am extremely anxious for the furthering of my education and my future career path, but most of all I am most grateful for the respect I have gained for the power which education offers to me. I thank you in advance for your consideration and time.

Undergraduate / Interdisciplinary Humanities, U OF SAN DIEGO Transfer Student Personal Statement [5]

Any help or suggestions on grammar or rewording would be greatly appreciated. I can't help but feel my writing sounds awkward and unsuitable for the nature of admissions essays.

Please provide a statement that addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve.

Ezra Pound once said, 'Real education must ultimately be limited to men who insist on knowing, the rest is mere sheepherding.' So the question remains, am I someone who insists on furthering her knowledge, or am I neutral and lukewarm in this endeavor? The answer lies through my prior actions and experiences concerning my education. My journey had shortcomings and successes, but ultimately through this excursion, my educational goals have become clear.

After graduating high school, my classmates knew what they wanted to do, I on the other hand was unsure. My whole immediate and extended family are in the Fashion Industry, so I took the safest and most logical path for me, and attended Fashion Institute of Design and Merchandising. At the same time, my Mother took it upon herself to open two retail clothing stores for me to administer. It wasn't soon before I began to question my life's direction, and the ultimate chances of me being content with my future career seemed unlikely. The apprehension I was experiencing led me to withdraw from FIDM to take time to figure out what I truly had a passion for. A year passed, and my life was consumed by the prescribed job my Mother carved out for me. It seemed to be completely selfish to ask my Mother to let me stop working and go to school, but I knew what was best for me. Though my Mother was indifferent about my education, my decision was made. In the pursuit of my own education, success, and happiness, I started my first semester at College of the Canyons in the Fall of 2008.

Throughout my time spent at COC, I've learned more than just the subject matter taught in my classes, but what is more important these classes unveiled my passion for writing, and political debates. Now, I have a vision of transferring to University of San Diego to earn my Bachelors Degree in Interdisciplinary Humanities. Because of the unique nature of Interdisciplinary Humanities I can choose my program of learning, which promotes a formula for my success in future ambitions for Law School. It is imperative that I transfer to USD to fulfill these goals. I'm a determined student who will honor their position at University of San Diego if given the chance, and I know that USD has more than a wealth of knowledge and enlightenment that I need. Thank you in advance for your time to read my metamorphosis from sheepherder to a young woman insistent upon her education.