Posts by dane0305 [Suspended]

dane0305

Dec 19, 2020

Undergraduate / Born in Columbia - Tips for my MIT transfer essay [6]

Please tell us more about your cultural background and identity

I was born in Medellin, Colombia and as some say, this is a city of friendly people (not everyone lol). I'm very proud to be Colombian despite all the problems this country has. I have been studying from first to seventh grade in Medellin, then I went to Envigado (a city next to Medellin) by two years and finally returned to Medellin to finish tenth and eleventh grade. The envigado's school had big social problems, with some students using drugs or became pregnant. My family is small but very strong, they are all Catholics except me (I'm an atheist).

One at a time

dane0305

Dec 20, 2020

Undergraduate / Born in Columbia - Tips for my MIT transfer essay [6]

@ekawanda
@Holt
Thanks to both of you.
I have done some corrections.
I was born in Medellin, Colombia and as some say, this is a city of friendly people. I'm very proud to be Colombian despite all the problems my country has. I studied from first to seventh grade in Medellin, then I went to Envigado (a neighboring city) for two years and finally returned to Medellin to finish tenth and eleventh grade. The envigado's school had many social problems, with some students using drugs or becoming pregnant. My family is small but very strong, they are all Catholics because Colombia is a majorly catholic country, and it is very ingrained in our culture. However, since I started to be "more scientific" and question almost everything, religion stopped going whit me, due that I became an atheist. I don't believe there is a god, but I can't prove it, so I respect any belief or religion.

What do you think now?

dane0305

Dec 22, 2020

Writing Feedback / Shocked how people can't restrain their liberties. Can you correct this short message? [3]

@GuillaumeVlle
The message is very clear; however, i think that last paragraph is so far of the others. Try to develop more the last idea and connect it better with the other paragraphs.

dane0305

Dec 22, 2020

Undergraduate / What is Important to you? And Why - Bond with my mother [4]

@simonp00
"The bond I have with my mother is what is important to me" i think you should rephrase that sentence, it sounds weird to me.

"overcoming my depression and many more tribulations in my life." Because you are talking about something important for you, it would be good to give more short examples of that tribulations of your mother in your life.

As you are talking about your relationship with your mother, i think you should try to give more feelings to your essay.

dane0305

Dec 22, 2020

Undergraduate / Born in Columbia - Tips for my MIT transfer essay [6]

Merged:

Proud medellinian - your cultural background and identity - MIT application essay

proud medellinian (colombia)

Medellin -my city of birth- is known as a city of friendly people. I'm very proud to be Colombian despite all the problems my country has. I was born in a relatively small catholic family -mainly because it's a little broken- which has taught me ethical values required for good social relationships. My mother -despite not having influenced my dreams- has made me who I am, has made me love the knowledge and love learning new things. However, the person who has influenced the most my goals is Victor (my teacher in 8 and 9 grade, he taught me about: Arduino; science fairs; designing and creating projects; and the most important, to find and follow my dreams.

The movie interstellar has been very important for my identity. It has inspired me into a small hobby that I have: learn about theoretical physics. It has influenced a lot my way of thinking about the world and has made me more curious of how everything works. Since then, I have become atheist (I respect any belief or religion).

What do you think about the grammar, syntax, flow and content of the essay. Do you think i have answered property the question. Thank you

dane0305

Dec 22, 2020

Writing Feedback / IELTS WRITING TASK 2: TELEVISION [2]

@Weow
Hello, despite you developed good and clear ideas, giving strong arguments; I think that you didn't answer the question: to what extent do you agree or disagree?

I know the answer is implicit in the first paragraph, but try to give a clear and explicit answer.
More than that, I have nothing else to recommend.
Good luck.

dane0305

Dec 22, 2020

Undergraduate / Robotics - essay about how MIT align with my goals. [3]

How does MIT align with your goals?

(e.g., academic, personal, career, extracurricular, etc.)

Since I was in ninth grade, I have known that I want to change the world through robotics. Due that, my biggest goal is to be the type of engineer who together with a team (it is very difficult to change the world alone) can implement solutions to problems of the real world. MIT is known for the good relations between their students and companies, and the amount of research resources that are available for the ones that take the initiative and work for them. MIT sandbox is the perfect chance for my goal of founding my own company not only due the funding, but also because of the mentoring it offers to entrepreneur students

Having that opportunities will allows me to start my own company or work in one that aligns with my dreams.
Robotics is my greatest passion, and although it has a lot of theoretical knowledge, in order to develop useful robots, it's necessary to have practical knowledge and apply it. Classes such as 2.009, 2.007 or 2.12 allows the students to be real world engineers. They prepare students with the knowledge and real experience to create successful products, develop real world solutions and some real robotic problems.

With all these things, the team-work education MIT offers and the passion I have for robotics, I will be the kind of engineer that will change the world.

a) Do you think i answer the question property?
b) Do you think i align MIT with my goals or that i only described MIT?
c) Are there grammar or syntax errors?
Thank you so much

dane0305

Dec 24, 2020

Writing Feedback / IELTS 2; Men and women can work in any professions. Gender equality at work [3]

@arisaf
Hello, i encourage you to express what do you want to be specially reviewed from you essay (that have helped me a lot to get better reviews)

I think your essay is good. It has a nice flow and answer the main prompt. However, you didn't include any real examples.
Good luck