Undergraduate / "Chinese Proficiency Competition" - Essay about a valuable experience [3]

Essay prompt: Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.

===I wrote this essay for Yale supplement and I know it's crude and unrefined. I hope to receive any suggestion possible. Thanks in advance!!

Last summer, I was chosen as a volunteer of the 1st Chinese Bridge Chinese Proficiency Competition For Foreign High School Students to accompany and guide the Russian delegate. It was not just a 10-day competition. It was a time for the entire world to observe and experience the power of diversity.

Contestants from all over the world demonstrated their fluency in Chinese language, their comprehensive knowledge of the Chinese history and tradition, and their cordial love of the Chinese culture. My Russian friends successfully acted out the play Journey To the West, one of the four greatest works in Chinese literature; the U.S contestants combined traditional Chinese allegro with hip-hop in their performance; Contestants from Singapore wrote Chinese songs of their own; and the Malian contestants did their traditional dance with Chinese music. When I asked one of the English contestants about their attitude toward Chinese culture, he replied zealously: "Oh well, we love it, and it is awesome when to share our experiences with you--------it's like talking with an interesting friend."

When my Russian friends were practicing their speech, they showed great desire to look more "Chinese". They asked me questions related to the tone and pauses of their speech and how to make a bow after they finished. I was impressed by their passion and love for the Chinese culture. Once I was frustrated because Li Bo, one of my Russian friends, cannot understand my words in Chinese. Then I tried to talk to him in English, which he is better at. But he requested me to be patient and tried as hard as he could to understand my words, and told me that only when he had conquered such problems, can he improve on his Chinese. I was deeply moved and became more devoted to my job as a teacher.

Just as this worldwide competition brought about great changes in our perception of cultural diversity, I believe a Chinese student like me can also make a difference in Yale University. As a passionate young man, I have always wanted to be a world peace ambassador. I feel shocked at the miserable situations in regions of war. The World should be a place where everybody lived harmoniously without conflicts. I want to travel around the world when I grow up to propagandize the ceasing of war. With my determination, I will help the poor and fight against evil, and make contributions to creating a better world. I want to join the big family of Yalies, experience the collegial, laid-back atmosphere. Right there, I shall take a step closer towards my dream.

Being a volunteer promoted my sense of responsibility; communicating with people from all over the world shaped my understanding of diversity; and all the challenges in my life pushed me to the hardest. I shall seek common ground for humanity while reserving the minor differences, and in the future, try my hardest unite the world as one.

Undergraduate / Duke supplement----Why Duke engineering?----Seeking feedback [6]

Hope to receive any suggestions possible. Appreciate everyone's help.

"Zzz..."
I tossed and turned, but I couldn't drift off. It was all because of my uncle's thundering snore. Occasionally, I discovered that some biomedical engineering researchers had been working on the solution to the snoring symptoms. After learning more about those research programs, I became fascinated by biomedical engineering. Since it can combine the design and problem solving skills of engineering with medical and biological sciences, I am sure that it will not only help me find a way to eliminate my uncle's snore, but more important, bring about changes to the medical community.

It was not until I came across with Duke's Pratt School of Engineering did I find a perfect place to take a step closer toward my dream. The lines and structures of the "Build your own DUKE" icon on the website evoked a sudden impulse inside me, and after I learned that Duke's biomedical engineering programs are national stand outs, I knew that I was incurably in love with this school. Since my father is a researcher in science, I was quite familiar with most lab equipments after I had observed and completed many experiments in his lab. My mother, a doctor, inspired my deepest interest in medical science. Museums had always been my favorite place to visit; those high-tech robots and mechanics always reminds me of my father's words: "Engineering is an almighty tool which can be applied to brand-new creations. If you want to change the world, it would be your best choice."

During my stay in the state of Alabama in the US at the age of 12, one of my classmates from North Carolina told me that Duke was the one of the best universities in the U.S since it not only fostered strong leaders like Richard Nixon, but also trained basketball stars like Grant Hill, who is one of the best forward in the NBA. The home of the "blue devil" would surely be a place where I, a basketball geek who never stopped playing basketball for 14 years, belong. Duke answered me best by telling me it is where "Challenge meets opportunity", where engineering rules, and where an ambitious boy like me could strive for his best to make a difference.

Undergraduate / A "dorky" friend who changed my life----Common application person's influence [7]

I've revised this essay several times and got many people to check for me. But I'm still not satisfied. Hope to receive any suggestions and criticisms possible. Appreciate your help.

Prompt:Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence.

I sat in front of the TV, watching the movie Sydney White. The girl made her dorky speech, won the election campaign for the presidency of the Student Council, and lived with his dorky friends dorkily ever after. I felt like I was her, because I had also in my life a dorky but inspiring friend that made me who I am today.

Watson was late on the first day of school. With everyone including headmaster staring astoundingly at him, he strutted into the school in the middle of the opening ceremony and joined us on the playground as if nothing particular happened. "What's his name?" Many people whispered. Then, on the empty seat next to me, he sat down, beamed at me and said "Hi, My name's Watson." Surely enough, almost everyone in the school scorned him as a dork. But due to my intense sympathy, I qualified as his only friend. I never imagined at that time that this very dork was going to change my life, shaping me as a determined and optimistic person.

He often spoke dorky words like "roll the earth" and did dorky things like climbing the tree in our school. However, his talent at mathematics was otherwise amazing. He received countless awards in different contests, and had a hobby for making up math questions by himself and triumphed over me every time I failed at figuring them out. At first I was indifferent to those "dorky questions" he brought up and disregarded them by claiming that they lacked logic; however, to my surprise, he took my comments seriously. He then tried to edit new questions attentively and eventually, those questions became increasingly impeccable. At last, I abandoned my obstinacy and approved his feat. When I asked him how he had stood up to my rejection, he told me with his adorable beam "I never surrender to defeat." I laughed, but I never told him that it was his unfailing determination that succeeded in immunizing me against "impossibilities".

When I was first elected as the new chairman of the foreign language association, nobody gave me respect. Seeking for a change, I started my plan by directing Shakespeare's play The Merchant of Venice, in which every member was assigned a role. However, it was difficult to begin rehearsal since most people were still indifferent to their tasks. I tried to talk to a girl but she rebuffed me by saying "Do you have what it takes to be the leader?" I was struck to silence. I was deeply hurt by those prickling words. What should I do? Am I worthless? Is it true that I am a just scared puppy in face of--------? Then, Watson's words came to me: never surrender to --------defeat. Yes, I have come a long way since the first day of my leadership. I have prepared for adversity. I knew that if I tried, nothing could stop me. That's it! I must prove myself, just like how Watson had proved himself to me! By breaking up the members into small groups and assigning each of the group with a separate task according to what they were good at, I tried to make them realize their importance as individuals as well as the power of teamwork, I hoped that each of them could be motivated in this way to do the best in order not to hinder the progress of the entire association. My wish was granted when we successfully put up the show in the end and our members became united as a team. I knew that I would experience more hardships as a leader, but with determination, I would not back off.

Since the first day I met Watson, he had always that adorable beam on his face. To him, the world seemed like a place without tears, even in the toughest situations. Once we were trapped on a crowded bus in a traffic jam after school. While most people were stamping their feet restlessly, Watson startled us by beginning to sing. "Hey, what do you think you are doing?" I whispered to him, when passengers on the bus became silent and began to stare at him. "Singing, of course. I'm trying to find something interesting to do." "Oh great, here's this dorky logic of yours again. How can you still sing when we are trapped here in this stupid traffic jam?" He beamed and said, "Better to light one candle than to curse the darkness. Don't ya think?" I was shocked by his answer and could not say a word. I turned my head away, annoyed. Watson, regardless of my blame, kept on singing. The music did not stop until suddenly, before I had time to react, we arrived home! I did not believe that we escaped so quickly and realized that it was the song that helped. "Thanks Watson. You're a genius." I apologized. From then on, every one of our painful experiences in traffic jams turned into memorable moments to enjoy music and fun.

Now that I am bustling with all sorts of things in and out of school, I find it hard to have time to relax my self. But I always kept optimistic and active towards my life just like how Watson faced those traffic jams. Last term, I joined a student organization named the "Thinker's club" in my school. We discussed on topics such as the women's rights and the history of witchcraft and wizardry, which had long been my favorite subjects. It was as if I had been set free from the shackle of textbooks and finally found a chance to return to the time when Watson was here beside me.

"If you want to be an elite, just be yourself. I will be waiting to see you on top of the world." That was what my "dorky" companion told me before we went into different high schools two years ago. I will always keep a part of him with me as the long-lasting "dorky" inspiration --------for my entire life.

Undergraduate / Influential person/significant experience--a girl who made me strong in love [7]

Guys before I start, I have to say that this is perhaps a controversial topic since I'm writing about my girlfriend. She went to Singapore 2 days ago and I've written this essay because the inspiration was intense.

I hope to hear your advice on whether it would be suitable or not. I thought this is different, but maybe I'm wrong. If it fits, also help me make improvements and cut the length. Great appreciations.

Staring at the tiny spot on the southern tip of the Malay Peninsula on the world map, I finally managed to put on a smile. Words from the Little Prince surfaced in my mind. "If someone loves a flower, of which just one single blossom grows in all the millions and millions of stars, it is enough to make him happy just to look at the stars." I realized that it was time for me to move on.

Yesterday Maggie's flight took off. Eight months ago, we both made our plans for future. She chose SM2 program to head for National University of Singapore, and I chose to go to the U.S. I did not try to dissuade her because I thought I knew what was best for her. She cried after I made my decision, and that was the first time I saw her tears.

She did not let anybody down as she passed the written examination and was selected as a candidate for the final interview in June. I congratulated her, but an overwhelming sense of agony surged through me: she was disappearing from my world. "Don't worry, it was just luck on the exam. I won't pass the interview, so I will be here with you until you leave for the U.S next year." She beamed, as if she knew what I was thinking. "No, you will pass, and I will bend over backwards to help." I replied, while the other self inside me shouted desperately for her to stay. This time, she held her tears, and nodded with a forged smile.

So I kept my promise. I helped her practice English everyday and carryed out virtual interviews with her. "What will you do if you miss someone after you leave China?" I questioned her jokingly during an "interview". "No I won't, because he doesn't want me to." She replied stubbornly. "What if he did but didn't tell you?" I persisted, "because he didn't want his love to be a burden for you." She trembled a little, and gazed into my eyes, "I won't abandon my dream because I also love him, and I wish to make myself outstanding enough to deserve his love." My eyes were welled up with tears, and I hugged her tightly.

I was not surprised to hear the news in July that she succeeded. The time we had left was not long. As I stepped into 12th grade in September, I began a life of beating the deadlines: writing application essays, filling out forms, and sending materials. She was going to leave on December 6, the day after my SAT test. Sitting before my desk everyday, I found my mobile phone became increasingly silent. Hoping not to break my schedule, she only sent a message every night to ask me when I would go to bed so she would find the right time to call. She did not complain, nor did she cry again when we were talking: she wanted to keep me smiling. "Can you guess what I was thinking yesterday?" She asked me mysteriously on the phone. "No idea," I replied, "Tell me." "Well, I was trying to figure out what I should wear when you arrive at the airport next summer to visit me." I chuckled, "It doesn't matter. Whatever you wear, you are the prettiest girl to me." She sewed me a smiling hamster the final time we met, and told me to look at it whenever I feel sad or lost. I was grateful, for I had someone who could always understand me, support me, and make me smile.

On the plane back home the night after my test in Hong Kong, I read Jimi's Starry Starry Night. "If the world is left with no one but the two of us, would you be afraid?" I sent her a short message asking the same question immediately after I read it on the book, and received a "No".

It was 3 a.m in the morning when I arrived home, and we had our last talk over the phone before she left. "Don't come to see me off, because I don't want you to see my tears. I will call you when I get there. Smile."

I did as she said, and treasured her smile in my heart. Life must go on without her by my side. However, I will always have that tiny star in the sky where the flower I love blossoms. Distance is not an obstacle; time will witness how strong true love can be. We supported each other when we were side by side, but who said we cannot continue to do so when we are miles apart? A decade is long, but our bond will last even longer, because we both have dreams to lead our way.

Undergraduate / An experience that changed my life--saved a stranger's life--comapp [7]

I wrote an essay about how I convinced him not to commit a suicide. This is an experience I considered that changed my life. Hope to receive as many feedbacks possible.

Half way up the Effiel Tower, an 18-year-old girl closed her eyes. With nothing left in the world to care about anymore, she fell. It was graceful, like a leaf falling from the tree. She plunged 60 meters, crashing onto a restaurant patio on the first floor of the Paris monument. In a courageous way she ended her life, but she left me wondering that does it really take more courage to suicide than to move on with one's life?

I admired her heroic deed, for she had the opportunity to fly like a superman and for her determination, since she chose an irrevocable way to kill herself. In addition, I was grateful for she climbed so high that her sacrifice coincidentally taught me a lesson: every life has its ups and downs, peaks and valleys, so why not have patience and wait till the next peak looms in our sight naturally?

A few days ago I connected with an English stranger on Omegle. During a two-hour conversation, I managed to save his life.

He used to be a musician, playing cornet in two bands and taking his General Certificate of Secondary Education in music. Then one day, when he was performing with one band, he had a panic attack for no reason. After that, he could not face going to rehearsals, let alone performing. He was only with the second band then, and made excuses when asked to perform. But the nightmare did not end. He started college, but only to quit a week later since those attacks kept on torturing him. Doctors put him on tablets but did not work. So he stayed at home, did nothing at all, and was in constant pain.

"My career plan is ruined. I'll never study music at University." He said. He used to be top in my class at school, always getting praise for his skills. But what he had wanted in life that he was so sure has all been taken away from him. "I'm just waiting for a day soon when I have enough courage to kill myself." The terrifying image of a suicide was tormenting me. I had to save him; I would never allow the tragedy to happen in front of my eyes. But how?

It turned out that intuition led my way. Following my heart, I tried to build up his confidence by proposing my "peaks-and-valleys theory" and showing my respect for him. I admired him just like how I admired the girl who jumped off from the Eiffel Tower so I let him know. Then I took my stand. "If you can get out of this mess you can live a great life," I said, "I bet many people will be there for you after hearing your story; at least I will." I told the truth. Whether it was because of esteem or compassion, I desperately hoped to save this young musician. "Every cloud has a silver lining, and there's nothing in this world that you can't get over with. I know I will cower in face of something like you've experienced, but I will at least try very hard before I think of killing myself..."

Nothing could have satisfied me more as he was finally disillusioned by nirvana. He asked for my name, and told me he would write a march in my honor. "We need more people like you in this world," He said, "and remember the name Robinson, because maybe one day you will see my music somewhere." I believed him, and from that day on, life would be different for him and me, because we both came to understand that we should live our lives with heart and soul.

What goes up----must come down. The journey to the future will be tough, but I will always keep faith in my heart.