Undergraduate / UBC Pers. Profile - An important value that has been ingrained in my mindset is community engagement [2]

Hi, please criticize my essay or change my grammar/sentence strucutre!

WHAT IS IMPORTANT TO YOU? WHY?

(MAXIMUM 1500 CHARACTERS)

An important value that has been engrained in my mindset is community engagement. Involvement among my community and learning outside school's boundaries have been crucial to my development. Growing up in a foreign, modern city, I have always felt a sense of belonging because of the people who support me. Experiences such as volunteering at in a kindergarten class, working a part-time job at a real estate company and intern at Hilton Hotels has each developed a home for me. Not only have they taught me skills such as observation of customers, seamless, effective communication, and social responsibility, but it made me realize how learning and going to school is a privilege and further honed my drive and motivation towards success.

Additionally, I belong to a community of versatile multi-talented dancers. My dance journey started rough, with no friends and teachers to rely on. Yet these failures ignited my drive to excel at something I truly loved and eventually landing a spot in my dance crew, which I now call "family". This crew had the same goal and mission of mine - serving to the community. Our biggest performance attracted hundreds of dancers and used to money to support small dance studios.

Because my community has given me every opportunity and support far more than I deserve, I believe giving back is the least I can do. These small but vital communities have crafted me my perseverance and gratitude towards life.

Undergraduate / Diagnosed with ADHD - UBC Personal [2]

ADDITIONAL INFORMATION (Optional)

You may wish to use the space below to provide UBC with more information on your academic history to date and/or your future academic plans. For example: How did you choose your courses in secondary school? Are there life circumstances that have affected your academic decisions to date? What have you done to prepare yourself specifically for your intended area of study at UBC? (maximum 600 characters)

( i am not sure if i should include such a sensitive topic but I thought this would raise sympathy for me. Also, I talked about dance in my other personal profile parts already but briefly)

2020 was undoubtedly the roughest year of my life. I thankfully recovered from COVID healthily, but I became hypersensitive to everything around me - people, food, and especially noises. Eventually, I was tested.

I was diagnosed with ADHD, a disorder that my friends and I would view as shameful and embarrassing.

As Asian students, perfection is often the norm. From impeccable grades to outstanding extracurriculars, I never fit in the norm of my school. Under an identical pursuit of success, I was lost. It was then when dance "accidentally" entered my life. Dance became my lamp in darkness and tuned out my inner critics. Dance has taught me how to balance and gain stability, composure in decision making and freedom in my expression.