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Posts by umrily181
Joined: Nov 3, 2009
Last Post: Dec 24, 2009
Threads: 3
Posts: 6  
From: United States of America

Displayed posts: 9
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umrily181   
Nov 4, 2009
Undergraduate / "True love" - UC undergrad admission personal statement [3]

prompt: tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution, or experience that is important to you. what about this quality or accomplishment makes your proud and how does it relate to the person you are?

True love is the one quality that many are incapable of experiencing in today's modern world. People are continuing to become detached from pure feelings due to what television shows, the media, and music that revolve around pop culture display. Love was once a sacred emotion between two people and not just a game of give and take as portrayed in Hollywood lifestyle and movies that younger generations follow. Love has nearly gone from an eternal bond between two people to a drunken decision made by two people reaching for more than what is inside. Love exists in many forms such as the love for money, fame or for any personal desire; however, those things can disappear at any given time. Even though, there are not many who can achieve this, I believe true love must have the same innocence as a mother loving her child; where unconditional love is given to the other expecting nothing in return.

As a child I constantly dreamed of my future and imagined finding the man that would love me with pure, true love. As I grew older I saw my dreams begin to shatter in front of me. Everyone around me seemed to avow their faith but swallow their oath again and again as if these words meant nothing; in turn, they would move onto others with a heart unhurt. I began to ask myself, "Was love really as innocent, pure and beautiful as I thought it was? Was there anyone like me that had the pursuit for true love in them? I began to lose hope.

It was in that moment of increasing despair when I met my amazing boyfriend and future husband. Only with him was I able to bring out my quality of sincere love and bestow it upon him to its full extent. Since he walked into my life I feel at ease where ever I am, and no longer feel like a stranger in this world. Love was my cure, but not any love...his love, true love. Until people learn to practice pure love between one another, their pain will always engender more pain. Since love is loyal, it purchases one who is loyal, which is why I found my Omar Shaik. Now that I know genuine love exists I am able to better concentrate on my education and become a better person with him by my side. Even though we had nothing materialistic to give to one another we became one and share unpretentious pure love together. He continues to shower me with his adoration and loyalty. We have progressed greatly in our lives becoming more than just lovers but best friends as well that are able to accomplish anything that comes our way.

Meeting him I was able to find peace at heart and in my mind. This endless love that we share is my motivation in life and he is what makes me what I am today. Without him I would have settled for much less than what I can accomplish in life, but since meeting him I am six months ahead of my studies and will be graduating early, moving onto college. The quality of true love is what makes me distinct, for many do not have the potential to grasp this quality and embrace it throughout their lifetime. I hope that one day this quality that has become rare in our modern society will be restored so tranquility can rest in the hearts of people, as it does for my love and me.

*towards the end the sentence that starts with MEETING is suppost to be a new paragraph it keeps not indenting it when i post it

thankyou
umrily181   
Nov 4, 2009
Undergraduate / Why Stanford? Hope to get some suggestions. [4]

i really like you essay maybe you can improve on your vocabulary a little with some words
for example wished to desired
other than that its really awesome
umrily181   
Nov 4, 2009
Undergraduate / "stress and dermatitis" UC prompt 1 [5]

i also agree with the with the post above
the dermatitis part isn't the main point in your essay but it seems to stick out the most
so try to make it so that it flows more with the rest of your essay as a detail.
umrily181   
Nov 4, 2009
Undergraduate / U of Michigan, gained respect for intellectual, social, or cultural differences. [9]

its a nice essay it just needs to be strengthened
im pretty sure when you give a title of a book it has to be underlined italicized or in quotes its one of those just im not sure which one but you can find it online..

I questioned if a teacher and a student COULD be true friends.
umrily181   
Nov 6, 2009
Writing Feedback / the teacher are responsible for motivating students to learn [2]

here are some suggestions:

Some people SAY that teachers are responsible for motivating students to learn. I cannot help BUT agree with this statement. Motivation is a part of education and benefits not only the students but the teachers as well.

The first reason...(This sentence is redundant and not needed, im not sure what you meant by it)

Not only should a teacher give knowledge but he or she should pass the (desiration is not a word) of learning.

Alot of your essay is redundant try to fix it up a bit and there are a few more grammatical errors
other than this nice work
umrily181   
Nov 6, 2009
Undergraduate / "the youngest of three" - uc personal statement prompt #2 [3]

prompt describe the world you come from- for example your family comunity or school and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations

*i need alot of help with this i am usually able to write in a unique way but i have had so much trouble putting all my thoughts down so i need revision on flow grammar vocab punctuation all of it thankyou!*

* means new paragraph

*I am the youngest of three and the child of immigrant parents. My father escaped the war torn country of Afghanistan and my mother came from Germany, both hoping to improve their life, but life only came easy for a short period of time.

*As a child I remember spending most of my time wandering our monstrous five-bedroom house, observing the nature in my endless backyard and swimming in our pool throughout the day. One morning, I heard my parents whispering to each other looking distraught. They then put a large sign in front of our house and I continued to examine their worried faces.

*A few weeks later our house was beginning to empty and before I knew it, the bank had taken our house and we were now living in a two-bedroom town house with seven people. I shared a room with three others and my dad had to spend every night at my grandma's apartment taking care of her.

*After much struggle my cousins were able to buy an apartment for us in San Diego so that we could all live together and my dad would no longer have to leave every night. I now share a room with my brother and sister, which make it difficult to have my own schedule since I must adjust to theirs to avoid arguments.

*For a time it felt like it was all okay, but problems began to crash on us. My grandma began to get ill, her dementia was the worst it had ever been and she could no longer eat or drink so we got a feeding tube inserted into her stomach. More than one person is needed to take care of her now, so my parents must stay at home.

*We are currently surviving off of the salary my parents make as twenty-four hour care takers for my grandma; yet everyday we are at the edge of our seats, for she can be here one day but gone the next. Then what will happen? Not only would we lose someone so precious to us, we would lose the only source of income that we survive off of. Not only are these economic issues making it difficult to find a job; there is a chance my parents my parents might fall apart from stress.

*These struggles in my life have shaped my dreams and aspirations greatly. I hope to be someone great in life and I am determined to work hard and make a difference in my family's life and others, as well as mine no matter what comes in my direction. I want to get into a high profession so that my family can be stable once again, financially and stress free. One day we will not have to worry about how to pay the bills every month. I am grateful for what God brings and takes out of my life because it teaches me to be humble. I am grateful for the sad and happy times, for the sad times make me appreciate the happier times more. I am grateful to everything I have and am ready to work until I accomplish the world.
umrily181   
Dec 24, 2009
Undergraduate / "Growing up and the medical field" - UIC GPPA essay [2]

~please describe your motivation for choosing your intended career and include any experience you have had that contribute to your choice.~

*Growing up I have always been attracted to the medical field. My desire to help those in need of medical attention has always overpowered any other feelings of mine. I imagined myself pursuing the career of becoming a doctor and because of my attraction towards medication, I was ready to diligently work to become what I dreamed of. However, a few simple words from someone dear to me has changed my path of careers for good.

*One day I spent some time speaking to a troubled friend of mine who was speaking about how he can never have his dad back to normal. He continued to pour his troubles out, and explained to me how his father was prescribed the wrong medication, thus causing his dad to have clinical depression. The wrong medication? How was it possible that spending eleven years in school studying can lead to a mistake. Especially one so major that has caused injury. And how about the pharmacists, who are suppose to double check what is being prescribed and not just mindlessly dispense medication to patients. That is when I begun my research.

*What I came to find was truly shocking. About 1.5 million U.S. residents are harmed or killed each year because of medication errors (Health Grades Incorporation, 2009). Weren't doctors supposed to provide health care not injury and death? Wrong. On average a patient hospitalized in the U.S. will experience at least one medication error per day and seventy percent of those errors are believed to be preventable (Health Grades Incorporation, 2009).

*I struggled with which career I wanted to pursue because I did not want to be a part of the carelessness of doctors who treated patients as their pathway to money. However, I felt that I could not abandon medicine and turn my back on this invisible flaw. It was then that I made a decision to become a pharmacist.

*Since I have always been interested in the medical field finding out about medication error has concerned me about medication being administered and distributed properly. Choosing my career, I could have been that one doctor who truly cares about their patients who will not make any medication errors; but as a pharmacist I will not only be able to correct the medication errors that go on in the pharmacy, but I will also be able to double-check the medications prescribed by doctors so that less errors will be made.

*Overall, I will work my hardest to become a pharmacist to stop the medication errors occurring throughout hospitals and pharmacies. I may not be able to prevent all errors but I will surely fix any that come my way. Patients will have a reason to trust what is given to them, and look at the future with hope and not fear. I am ready to work to my full potential to become the one pharmacist who cares about their patients' health.
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