Writing Feedback / IELTS writing task 2 Why women's sports receive less attention than men's sports [2]

The question:
Write about the following topic:
Society today pays less attention to women's sports than to men's sports.

Why is this the case? Is this a positive or negative trend?

Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.

My answer:
Nowadays, female athletes gain less public attention than males. I believe that the difference in their physical fitness contributes to this negative trend.
Because of the structure of the body, the competition of female athletes is not as intense as male athletes'. The intensity and competitive level of the men's game are more likely to outcompete women's in most strength sports. And the public is more willing to watch games that give them greater excitement, only with the exception of some skilled sports such as figure skating, synchronised swimming and gymnastics which people enjoy the beauty of women in these sports. So that is one reason why female athletes get so little attention.

This is a negative trend for the development of sports. For sports, the sportsmanship displayed by the participants is considerably more essential than the final place or the ability of the players. Even though most sports that women participate in are not as intense and wonderful as men's due to physical conditions; the fighting spirit shown by female athletes in competitions is not weaker than that of male athletes. Therefore, it is unfair not to pay attention to the hard work of female athletes simply because of their ability. In addition, the lack of attention can make women less enthusiastic about sports, and turning women off sports goes against the original idea of sports competitions that sport is about participation and sportsmanship, instead of the level and ranking of the players.

In conclusion, the physical fitness of female athletes is lower than that of male athletes and this result will cause a decline in competitive intensity makes the audience more willing to watch the male athletes compete with each other. This phenomenon will reduce the enthusiasm of women for athletic competition and defeat the meaning of athletic competition. (302 words)

Thank you very much for taking the time to read my paper and give me comments and suggestions on my current writing level. Have a nice day!

Writing Feedback / IELTS writing task 2: The causes and solutions of reoffending [2]

The question:
Write about the following topic:
Research suggests that many prisoners commit crimes again after being released from prison.
WHAT ARE THE CAUSES OF THIS? SUGGEST SOME SOLUTIONS.
Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.
Write at least 250 words.

The answer:
Nowadays, there are more and more released offenders who tend to commit crimes again. The unaltered pattern of a criminal's behaviour and people's discrimination against them contributed to this phenomenon.

Numerous criminals choose to reoffend because prisons do not affect their mind, they still act as they did before they stayed in a cell or even worse than before. Prisons should do more to educate and rehabilitate prisoners than only to punish or imprison them. Punishment will genuinely make those offenders feel suffering, but suffering does not necessarily make them want to be proper citizens, they may still commit crime as before. They will still use illegal means to acquire others' assets or use violence to solve problems when they are out of gaol, if prisons fail to drive home to these criminals that committing crime is a shame, and the price of crime.

Secondly, people's prejudice against these people released from prison (even though they hope to become proper citizens) can also lead them to reoffend. Due to this discrimination, it is difficult for a former criminal to find employment, not only that critical units of the state would not accept them, but also small businesses and even they cannot be a courier or cleaner. Numerous former criminals are unable to find a job and cannot even feed themselves and their families, so they can only rob or steal others' property to make sure they can survive.

This trend can be tackled in two ways. First, prisons should strengthen the psychological construction of criminals, rather than just focusing on using stiff punishment. Making criminals not want to commit crimes is far more effective in reducing repeat crime than making criminals fear punishment. If an ex-criminal deeply believes that crime is shameful, he will not commit it again even if he has the ability and the opportunity. The second solution is that the government can teach these released prisoners skills which can let them survive in society and strengthen their employment. For these released offenders who want to become qualified citizens, if they can feed themselves in a legal and decent way, they are less likely to commit another crime.

In conclusion, prisons should pay more attention to the psychological education of prisoners. And in the meantime, offering jobs to ex-offenders could also help tackle the rise in reoffending. (389 words)

And excuse me, could someone please tell me the approximate score of this essay in TA, LR, CC and GRA respectively if it is in a real IELTS test?

Thank you for reading this paper and providing valuable comments. Have a nice day!

Writing Feedback / IELTS writing task 1: Demographic change in Japan [3]

population in japan

The question:
You should spend about 20 minutes on this task.
The table below shows the Japanese population by different age groups from 1970 to 2040.
Summarize the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
You should write at least 150 words.

The answer:
The chart presents information about three different age groups in Japan during the period from 1960 to 2000, and projections until 2040.
At the beginning of the 1960s, the 15-46 age group accounted for almost two thirds of the Japanese population, while the figure for under-14-year-old people is relatively low (30% only). And the smallest age group is the over-65s, who made up only 3% of the population at that time.

But all the situation changed dramatically in the following forty years. Although people aged 15-46 were still the major part of the Japan demographic, the proportion of them was volatile. It reach a new high (around 75%) in 1990 but quickly dropped to about 62% a decade later. And the percentage of people aged under 14 gradually declined to 20% by the end of 2000, while the figure for people aged over 65 increased noticeably to 20% (on a par with the under 14 age group).

And the proportion of the 15-46 age group and people aged under 14 may keep failing sharply to approximately 55% and 4% respectively until 2040. By comparison, the percentage of over-65s age groups is likely to grow significantly to 50%, only slightly less than the 15-46 age group.

Overall, the proportion of elderly people in Japan is rising rapidly, while the proportion of middle-aged people and children is both showing a moderate decline. By 2040, the proportion of the elderly and middle-aged population is expected to be closer, and considerably higher than the proportion of children. (253 words)

For those of you who have read this paper, could you please give me some advice on IELTS Task 1? I am not familiar with the composition structure of IELTS Task 1. When practicing Task 1, I often find that when I finish expressing what I want to express, it usually takes more than 20 minutes, and the number of words is far more than the 150 words mentioned in the question. How can I solve this problem? Please tell me, thanks.

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