Undergraduate / Martial Arts & Me -UC Promt 2 [3]

"Tell us about a personal quality, talent, accomplishment, contribution or experience that is important to you. What about this quality or accomplishment makes you proud, and how does it relate to the person you are?"

"GO!" I lock my leg head-level and yell at the top of my lungs. Sweat pours down my face and catches on the lapel of my uniform. I've never been so exhausted in my life. Four years of my life dedicated to this three hour test. All in the hopes of joining an elite group of masters of the martial arts. The thoughts of success so close to a reality I can hold. My chest feels heavy and my muscles burn, but I press on. "STOP!" yells the instructor. The entire room goes silent as me and my fellow Karate students quickly take on the ready position. The master instructors leave the room to discuss their final decisions. Time seems to stop all at once, the load on body lifted, it is relieving. However, the reward has yet to be granted.

Patience is a virtue I have acquired over the course of my martial arts career. Practicing five days a week year-round for four years seems even longer when there is only eight belts to achieve. The door to the smaller room of my testing center opens slowly and a few instructors walk back to their original seats. My personal instructor Mr. Driscoll walks by me slowly, but gives me no sign. "Leave your ego at the door," he would always say. Throughout the years I had been involved in Karate I was always above the rest in talent and ability. In the earlier part of my career I found modesty to be an afterthought as I would strut into competitions knowing I was going to win. That was all until I met my match around the age of fourteen in an advanced-rank sparring match. I lost 5-0 in less than two minutes. My embarrassment had led me to realize that cocky and arrogant ways were pointless and only made me look worse as a person.

The door opens again. This time the master instructors walk out and take their seats near the front of the room. A quick speech was given on how proud everyone was to see our success. As I looked over to the side I could see my mom crying with my dad at her side. I knew I had made them proud. One by one each student was called up with their school and given their black belt. My heart raced as I could not wait to receive mine. And then the moment came. "Adam Seivert out of Long Lake National Karate." I raced to the front and stood at attention facing Mr. Driscoll. He undid my brown belt and tied the new black one around my waist. I thanked him for everything he had done and proudly walked back to my space where I had tested. Looking down at the belt I realized what it really meant. My trophies and belts meant nothing compared to what I had learned over the years. Patience, modesty, and self-discipline are all a part of what I have become and who I am.

*This is my first draft. Any comments, suggestions, or constructive feedback would be greatly appreciated!

Undergraduate / The Superman in Me [6]

"Describe the world you come from - for example, your family, community or school - and tell us how your world has shaped your dreams and aspirations."

This is my first draft it may be a little rough. Anything constructive would be greatly appreciated.

Minnesota is what I have known and lived with all my life. The people are genuine and the quality of living is fantastic. Blessed since birth, I was adopted out of Seoul, South Korea and raised by my loving parents. As bad as it sounds, I have never been too inquisitive on my origins or the story of how I came to live in America. To me life has been preserved in the small homegrown area known as Plymouth, Minnesota; "CNN's Best City to Live In" for the year 2008. My hardships have been minimal to say the least. In school I have taken advantage of every opportunity I could get to advance myself further academically. I immersed myself in the presence of higher learning, but I never knew what I wanted to do with my life.

During my freshmen year of high school the perfect bubble that had encompassed my life was popped. My grandmother had been diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease and her symptoms did not look curable. Every few weeks me and my family would take the five hour trip to Wisconsin and visit her, and every time her condition seemed worse. "Marlene?" my grandmother would ask. "No, it's your daughter Nancy," my mother would reply as a tear slowly cascaded down her cheek falling on her benevolent smile. This was the hardest part during the whole ordeal; knowing that someone so dear and close to you is slowly forgetting who you are. The world I had known was changing and life became more real than ever. I wanted to play superhero and pretend that I could cure my grandmother's disease without any problems. As time wore on I realized that things in my world and the real world were very different. On April 23rd, 2007 my grandmother died. Less than a month later my grandfather, Robert, died as well on March 20th, 2007. It was an extremely difficult time in my life, as this was the first contact with death I had ever had.

Back home I could hardly comprehend what was really happening. I latched onto the one thing I had always been successful at. School. I began to enroll in as many advanced placement classes as I could. Expanding my knowledge seemed to help ease the pain of my grandparents' deaths. It also helped me realize what I wanted to do with my life. Someday I would be the one working in the lab or hospital. It would be me who was curing the diseases that plague lives with pain and sorrow. I would be the one making a difference in the world. The world I have been living in has shown me where my life is heading and that anything you dream is possible. My world is always changing and the transition into college will be the beginning of my dream come true. I'm ready for that, and one day this superhero will make a difference in the world.

Undergraduate / The Dream Addict-Boston University Supp. [3]

In an essay of no more than 500 words, please select three words that describe you best and tell us how you will use these qualities/characteristics to contribute fully to the BU community.

Determined, hard-working, leader, smart, innovative, sociable, reliable. The perfect scholar. Everything any college could ask for, and probably 99% of the responses to this particular prompt. So why would I spend my one chance to make an impact on your decisions basically rewriting an essay you've heard thousands of times? I'll save the monotony for another time and tell you who I really am. I am different. I am a dreamer, and I am ready.

Who am I? Since middle school I have been searching for an identity that has only become apparent over these past few months. I've mingled with the gothic kids, played sports with the jocks, studied with the bookworms, and even played videogames with the sci-fi addicts. All throughout my search a revelation of sorts became apparent to me. I have come to find that the labels and names by which people are categorized in mean absolutely nothing. I wasn't searching for who I was. Instead I was becoming the person I am today. What I believe makes me so different is my numerous perspectives from all types of backgrounds.

Dreaming is an addiction I have. It's something that has become a necessary part of my life, without which I would have no guide to my future. However, if you were to ask me what I want to do as a profession, I would not be able to tell you. Being a dreaming addict has opened my eyes not only to the infinite potential and limitless possibilities I possess, but also the responsibility required to take hold of my dreams. Dreams do come true and mine will not be an exception.

I am ready for life to begin. No word could better describe the confidence I have in myself. In a few months I will take that leap edging closer to the real world. All of the extracurricular activities and academic achievements could never show exactly how I feel about my transition into college. Of course I am intimidated by the thought of moving halfway across the country for four years of my life, but I will not allow my fears to stand in my way.

I'll bring my unique perspectives and dreams to the Boston University community. My diversity will find comfort in various connections and friendships I will make. Hard work to the best of my ability is what I will give back to the community, and nothing short of it. If accepted I would also immerse myself in the Boston culture and community not only to get familiar, but to help make it better in any way I can. Give me the opportunity I will succeed at whatever I set my mind to. My dreams will become a reality.

Punctuation and grammar correction would be greatly appreciated. Any other feedback regarding my ideas, transitions, or any suggestions at all would help me out a lot!

Undergraduate / Research Plans at UNC [2]

Carolina students conduct original research and work to solve problems in almost every imaginable field. If you could spend a semester researching a specific topic or problem, what would you choose and why?

The walls are painted a bleak beige. Extraneous paintings of Native Americans and wild animals line both sides of the hallways. A red light flashes violently as a nurse quickly shuffles from her desk to one of the rooms. This is the East-View Medical & Rehabilitation Center.

It was nearing the end of my freshman year in high school when my grandmother, Harriet, was diagnosed with Alzheimer's disease. When my mother had told me what was happening, I was literally speechless. I had never even heard of the disease, moreover, known what the side effects were. Every other week we began taking trips to the East-View Medical Center. It was a ten hour drive round-trip, but worth every second. I had been so accustomed to the warmth of my Grandmother's smile and cheerful greetings.

"Hi pumpkin!" she would say as I stepped in her door.
"Hi Grandma!" I would say back as I rushed to her bedside.
Nothing could take my grandma away, not even this Alzheimer's disease. I felt as though this whole situation would be like one in the movies. You know, where someone's dying up until the end where there's a magical cure or somehow the patient springs back to vigor and life.

As the weeks passed my optimism slowly faded, but I never lost hope. The smile that warmed the bleak, apathetic place was gone. It was replaced by a rather curious and confused look.

"Marlene?" my grandmother would ask as me and my mother would walk into her room.
"No mom. It's your daughter Nancy," my mother would reply as a tears dwindled down her cheek to her smile; resembling the one my grandmother wore before the disease had taken its biggest toll. I had never felt so lost. All of the memories I shared with her were fading away and I knew no miracle was awaiting us. There would be no joyous movie ending. The glee and elation upon completing my first year of high school meant nothing. All I wanted was to see my grandmother the way she was before Alzheimer's had taken everything.

She died on April 23rd, 2007. It felt as though a weight on my shoulders had been lifted. The bittersweet sense that she had left for a better place, has comforted me ever since.

As the years have past I have begun to realize not only who I am, but also what I aspire for in the future. My dream is to one day be the medical researcher who cures diseases, so no one has to experience the same pain I had endured. If accepted into the University of North Carolina, I would conduct my research on Alzheimer's disease wholeheartedly and to the best of my ability. It's wouldn't be a burdensome requirement, but rather a chance for me to make strides toward my dream while commemorating my grandmother's life and all that she has given to me. Maybe someday I'll be the one providing that perfect movie ending to someone else's life.

-It is my first draft so there are more than likely punctuation errors. Any other feedback would be helpful and greatly appreciated.